Finally - Brokeback Mountain!
The Huntington Cinema Art Center came through for those of us who were desperate to see Brokeback Moutain. It began at the theater today, and Rose, ABNS and Cousin J and I made plans to see it. ABNS has joked that Rose and I are "Brokeback Mad." I want to say that I’m speechless, because initially that was how I felt…so moved...but unsure of where to start. But I also want to talk about it non-stop because that’s where I am with it now.
It was such a powerful film and story. The relationship between Ennis and Jack is quiet but intensely passionate. Heath Ledger truly gives an amazing performance, well worthy of his Golden Globe nomination. I would love to see him win for taking the risk of playing this character and doing it with such grace, passion and genuineness. Your heart breaks for him over and over again. I knew as I sat in that theater that I was amongst others who had felt those same emotions…living a lie, afraid to be true. I knew this because I know that Rose has been there and I have been there as well. For six years most of my closest friends, and none of my coworkers, knew that BK and I were in a relationship, and why? Because I was scared of what people would think, what people would say. I remember the loneliest and saddest moments of my life were when BK and I were having problems and splitting up and I couldn’t even talk about it with my friends. I was bitter, knowing that if Cousin J and Future Cus J were to break up she would be bathed in the support of friends and family…yet none of my family (who knew about us) said anything except, “Where’s BK?” the first time they came around and saw she wasn’t here. Friends just thought it was strange that she and I had been “so close” and now we didn’t really talk anymore. I guess I can’t be mad at anyone but myself (and I was mildly annoyed with some family members) for this really, because it was I who kept it such a secret. Not a day goes by when I think about how things would’ve been different if I would’ve allowed myself to be more open; how positive and beneficial that would’ve been to my relationship with BK.
Brokeback Mountain brought all these feelings out for me again, fresh and raw. Makes me angry; angry at myself and angry at the world around me. Angry because I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE in these dark feelings. I have sworn to myself, for my own well being, that if I find myself in a relationship with another woman, I cannot live a secret life again. Meanwhile, with that said, I still live a lie to several close friends who, to this day, do not know that I lay down beside BK in bed every night for six years.
I guess this babbling I’ve been doing is what the movie means to me…Brokeback Mountain is about love, loss, passion, intimacy and being scared of all those things. It's about living in fear and letting fear control your life, ultimately preventing you from living your life and being your true self.
It was big budget, but it wasn’t big-budget style. The sceneries were breathtaking and the actors may be big-name Hollywood, but the movie doesn’t feel it. I’m asking you to see it, to make it the success it should be, to encourage others to see it, to look past the "gay cowboy" movie it isn't and to look at the "gay love story" it is, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
The movie should inspire us all to put an end to the type of world where people - where I - feel like Ennis Del Mar.
It was such a powerful film and story. The relationship between Ennis and Jack is quiet but intensely passionate. Heath Ledger truly gives an amazing performance, well worthy of his Golden Globe nomination. I would love to see him win for taking the risk of playing this character and doing it with such grace, passion and genuineness. Your heart breaks for him over and over again. I knew as I sat in that theater that I was amongst others who had felt those same emotions…living a lie, afraid to be true. I knew this because I know that Rose has been there and I have been there as well. For six years most of my closest friends, and none of my coworkers, knew that BK and I were in a relationship, and why? Because I was scared of what people would think, what people would say. I remember the loneliest and saddest moments of my life were when BK and I were having problems and splitting up and I couldn’t even talk about it with my friends. I was bitter, knowing that if Cousin J and Future Cus J were to break up she would be bathed in the support of friends and family…yet none of my family (who knew about us) said anything except, “Where’s BK?” the first time they came around and saw she wasn’t here. Friends just thought it was strange that she and I had been “so close” and now we didn’t really talk anymore. I guess I can’t be mad at anyone but myself (and I was mildly annoyed with some family members) for this really, because it was I who kept it such a secret. Not a day goes by when I think about how things would’ve been different if I would’ve allowed myself to be more open; how positive and beneficial that would’ve been to my relationship with BK.
Brokeback Mountain brought all these feelings out for me again, fresh and raw. Makes me angry; angry at myself and angry at the world around me. Angry because I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE in these dark feelings. I have sworn to myself, for my own well being, that if I find myself in a relationship with another woman, I cannot live a secret life again. Meanwhile, with that said, I still live a lie to several close friends who, to this day, do not know that I lay down beside BK in bed every night for six years.
I guess this babbling I’ve been doing is what the movie means to me…Brokeback Mountain is about love, loss, passion, intimacy and being scared of all those things. It's about living in fear and letting fear control your life, ultimately preventing you from living your life and being your true self.
It was big budget, but it wasn’t big-budget style. The sceneries were breathtaking and the actors may be big-name Hollywood, but the movie doesn’t feel it. I’m asking you to see it, to make it the success it should be, to encourage others to see it, to look past the "gay cowboy" movie it isn't and to look at the "gay love story" it is, even if it makes you uncomfortable. Especially if it makes you uncomfortable.
The movie should inspire us all to put an end to the type of world where people - where I - feel like Ennis Del Mar.