(no subject)
That was a choice that I had to make: to love something so strong, it breaks.
Six long years and what's the result? (my marriage?)
I'm burned out, churned out from the growth
and I learned more than I thought I'd ever know, (weariness, disdain)
but I'm a hardened man cut from the same stone as Foucault.
This is the first step that I take: a head first dive into the wake.(and i gave up, and tried something new)
This stage of moving on and growing up and looking out
took so long to come my parents numb and start to doubt
but I'm solid now, got me a job, and I'm learning lots,
and I'm through with trying to be something that I'm not. (everyone else's slave)
This is the next step that I have to take, and I don't regret one mistake.
Gavin, as always, you have brought me to tears with your rendition of love and hurt. i have to swallow this down.
i got upset today, with myself, with dan. I cried, and i spat it in his face that i still love him. how do i get over it? What i am doing isn't working. but it has messed everything up so bad that i am spinning in circles, my arms tucked into my sides, the centrifugal force squeezing my insides with a pressure like that of fear. What i thought was me trying to not fall in love with this new person, was not that at all.
What i have realized is that i was trying TO fall in love, so i could get over this burning ache that you left in me when you reminded me that you never thought that this would work.
and i'm crying and wishing i had done things differently. and i have never regretted anything in my life, but i regret this decision. because i still love you.
and i didn't think i could.
Six long years and what's the result? (my marriage?)
I'm burned out, churned out from the growth
and I learned more than I thought I'd ever know, (weariness, disdain)
but I'm a hardened man cut from the same stone as Foucault.
This is the first step that I take: a head first dive into the wake.(and i gave up, and tried something new)
This stage of moving on and growing up and looking out
took so long to come my parents numb and start to doubt
but I'm solid now, got me a job, and I'm learning lots,
and I'm through with trying to be something that I'm not. (everyone else's slave)
This is the next step that I have to take, and I don't regret one mistake.
Gavin, as always, you have brought me to tears with your rendition of love and hurt. i have to swallow this down.
i got upset today, with myself, with dan. I cried, and i spat it in his face that i still love him. how do i get over it? What i am doing isn't working. but it has messed everything up so bad that i am spinning in circles, my arms tucked into my sides, the centrifugal force squeezing my insides with a pressure like that of fear. What i thought was me trying to not fall in love with this new person, was not that at all.
What i have realized is that i was trying TO fall in love, so i could get over this burning ache that you left in me when you reminded me that you never thought that this would work.
and i'm crying and wishing i had done things differently. and i have never regretted anything in my life, but i regret this decision. because i still love you.
and i didn't think i could.