Everything is so expensive
Over the last year I used my stimmy checks and my increased salary at the new job to put lots of work into home repairs that had been put off for a long time, vet bills, car repairs, and buying my parents cell phones (reasonably priced ones, but even a cheap phone is pricey!). I did a little spending on things like clothing, but by and large my expenditures were all big responsible things. And "big" is the operative word. $1k is not a lot of money in today's world anymore. Car breaks down? it's $1k. Dog has an inflamed tooth? It's $1k. These are not things you can put off spending on. Even so, it's still a little shaming to look at my bank account and think WHY DIDN'T I STASH IT? And while my brain knows "duh, it's because you needed to do the things and you also took care of a need for your parents who raised you" it still doesn't stop that old school I WILL BE POOR AND DESTITUTE panic that comes when you grow up with scarcity. I think this would not be as freaky to me if I wasn't staring down the barrel of car buying.
Yesterday at rehearsal I was lamenting that I don't have a playable piccolo and how I could buy a "good" cheap student one for $400 BUT I need to buy a car and replace part of my fence. And for a moment I felt proud of myself for prioritizing and budgeting but also so terribly old.
I'm surrounded by people asking questions like "where are you going on vacation?" and I'm like "vacation? I need to buy a car." Then I look at them and wonder how they're driving big fancy SUVs, living in big fancy houses, supporting kids, and going on multiple vacations. Are they earning that much more than I am? I think part of it is their ages - they're older and have earned longer, often have dual incomes, and in many cases come from social classes where inherited wealth is a thing. Maybe it's debt too, but I think to ignore the social class element of it would be to disregard social class AND generational differences. Back in the day people could buy first homes and cars and college educations at such a proportionately lower rate compared to their incomes. I feel so badly for everyone graduating now with so much debt, debt that will likely prevent them from owning homes in this insane economy and which will follow them the rest of their lives.
Years ago my dad did ONCE try to tell me I could pay off my student loans with a "summer job." This was insane as I was working all year, not just summer, and my yearly wage didn't even come close to the cost of tuition. He was living in a fantasy land where my mom handled the money and he'd never gone to college, so he had NO IDEA. He also thought it was outrageous that I would have to pay more than $200/month in rent. He had not rented since 1984. After that we've become much more open talking about money - wages, insurance, inflation, costs. He and my mom still can't get over how much I paid for my house (smaller than theirs) in 2007. And any brief satisfaction they felt for me when I told them my salary was quickly erased when we talked about what that looks like in take home pay vs. what things like mortgage payments and car payments cost.
I think once I bite the bullet and actually purchase a car I'll relax the hell out about it. I'm prepared to put down a 20% down payment because my current trade in only has a blue book value of $400 - that's right, I drove the crap out of my car and it shows. It also has a known engine issue and they're no longer making the model anymore. That's fine - I never look at cars as things of financial value. Their value is in being reliable transportation. The value is driving a car for over ten years and not having a car payment since 2015.
This is just a terrible time to have to make a big purchase. Although if I look at the history of, well, everything, it's not going to get cheaper either. It's not like car prices EVER drop. I probably should have bought a car LAST year but here we are. And what kind of car will I buy? A car I can afford and a car that I hope will last me another 10 years. Living the dream over here.