thoughts
Part of me isn't even sure if it's my place to speculate on this, if I should be getting involved. But, to some degree, I already am involved - I have ties to him, I'm his damn girlfriend, and I'm the one who listens to him.
I worry that F is being too... caring. He's the sweetest guy, really, he will do anything for those he cares for, but sometimes I think he lets himself be taken advantage of. Take saturday night. He promises to ring me - he's out shopping for Lily's birthday (Lily is Nancy's daughter, she's one - and Nancy is his ex/best friend). He then spends the night babysitting Lily. I try to get hold of him, and no answer. Fair enough, I text him asking me to ring me, and get a reply telling me he'll ring in a bit, he's waiting for his mum to call as his dad has gotten worse. In the end, he doesn't call, and I have to wait until sunday evening to find out what's going on, because he's at Lily's party all day.
It turns out that his dad isnt' worse, really. He just feels ill and frustrated, and he took it out on F's mum. She had a bit to drink, got into a fight with his dad, and then rings F. F proceeds to spend the night playing referee between his parents (while at the same time babysitting a one-year-old kid). He's shattered and upset, but puts the bright face on and helps Nancy out the next day while she entertains her husband's relatives.
Last week, F left his phone behind, dropped everything in fact, to look after Lily, because Nancy had to go an pick up her father from rehab. Literally left holding the baby for over twenty-four hours. And where the fuck was Nancy's husband - Lily's father - in all this? I'm not really sure. Apparently he was looking after his own son, but I don't think that's really an excuse. On my part, I had hysterics because I don't know where my own boyfriend is (although my first guess, "at nancy's" was correct).
Part of my problem, I guess, is that I'm jealous of Nancy. She's his ex, which adds a further layer of insecurity - and when he drops everything to look after her kid, gives her money to repair her car, and so on and so forth, I just wonder what the hell's going on. Yes, she's poor - she's on social security, goes to college part time, and her husband doesn't work all the time. But what about him? He's got a dying father, a long-distance relationship, and he's supporting a family that aren't his own above and beyond the call of duty (maybe this is me - I wouldn't know Nancy if she spat on me). He works a job he hates, at ungodly hours, and then spends the day too tired to do what he wants, or looking after others.
I'm just scared something is going to give, and if I have a go, then that something will be me - because I'm too selfish to accept that he's got other priorities. But he hasn't even bought tickets to see me, when he's supposed to be here in three weeks - and right now, he doesn't have the money. And he won't accept my help getting the tickets; he won't even hear of paying me back or buying my tickets to go and see him. I don't know what to do, if I can do anything, except just sit here and worry, knowing he's gone home from work to drink whiskey until he passes out.
I worry that F is being too... caring. He's the sweetest guy, really, he will do anything for those he cares for, but sometimes I think he lets himself be taken advantage of. Take saturday night. He promises to ring me - he's out shopping for Lily's birthday (Lily is Nancy's daughter, she's one - and Nancy is his ex/best friend). He then spends the night babysitting Lily. I try to get hold of him, and no answer. Fair enough, I text him asking me to ring me, and get a reply telling me he'll ring in a bit, he's waiting for his mum to call as his dad has gotten worse. In the end, he doesn't call, and I have to wait until sunday evening to find out what's going on, because he's at Lily's party all day.
It turns out that his dad isnt' worse, really. He just feels ill and frustrated, and he took it out on F's mum. She had a bit to drink, got into a fight with his dad, and then rings F. F proceeds to spend the night playing referee between his parents (while at the same time babysitting a one-year-old kid). He's shattered and upset, but puts the bright face on and helps Nancy out the next day while she entertains her husband's relatives.
Last week, F left his phone behind, dropped everything in fact, to look after Lily, because Nancy had to go an pick up her father from rehab. Literally left holding the baby for over twenty-four hours. And where the fuck was Nancy's husband - Lily's father - in all this? I'm not really sure. Apparently he was looking after his own son, but I don't think that's really an excuse. On my part, I had hysterics because I don't know where my own boyfriend is (although my first guess, "at nancy's" was correct).
Part of my problem, I guess, is that I'm jealous of Nancy. She's his ex, which adds a further layer of insecurity - and when he drops everything to look after her kid, gives her money to repair her car, and so on and so forth, I just wonder what the hell's going on. Yes, she's poor - she's on social security, goes to college part time, and her husband doesn't work all the time. But what about him? He's got a dying father, a long-distance relationship, and he's supporting a family that aren't his own above and beyond the call of duty (maybe this is me - I wouldn't know Nancy if she spat on me). He works a job he hates, at ungodly hours, and then spends the day too tired to do what he wants, or looking after others.
I'm just scared something is going to give, and if I have a go, then that something will be me - because I'm too selfish to accept that he's got other priorities. But he hasn't even bought tickets to see me, when he's supposed to be here in three weeks - and right now, he doesn't have the money. And he won't accept my help getting the tickets; he won't even hear of paying me back or buying my tickets to go and see him. I don't know what to do, if I can do anything, except just sit here and worry, knowing he's gone home from work to drink whiskey until he passes out.