Late December 1950
Isn't it funny how there can be something in your life you take for granted, and when it's gone, you feel as though your soul has been ripped out?
I signed a contract with Fox the other day. Isn't that silly? I was so excited and I was looking forward to it so much.
Johnny had a heart attack. He knew he was ill, seriously ill, he knew this would happen. And he knew why he wanted to marry me, so he could take care of me. He had a heart attack, and I wasn't anywhere near him. That is the one thing I regret the most. Far more than refusing to marry him, to take his money from him. I don't regret that at all although it does make me sad that I couldn't make him happy. It's what he wanted. When he died, I was outside his room. I wasn't allowed in, but he called for me. Mrs Hyde, as I must remind myself that she still is, kicked me out of my flat that Johnny was paying for. She refused to allow me to go to the funeral but I don't care what that bitter old hag had to say, I went. I went to honour my beloved Johnny, and because I knew he'd want me there. I took a rose from the spray. It's in the pages of my Bible now. I shall try to keep it forever. A pure white rose.
I'm living with my drama coach now, Natasha Lytess. She loves me and dotes on me but it's not quite the same. I want to die, I do.
Me and my darling Johnny
I signed a contract with Fox the other day. Isn't that silly? I was so excited and I was looking forward to it so much.
Johnny had a heart attack. He knew he was ill, seriously ill, he knew this would happen. And he knew why he wanted to marry me, so he could take care of me. He had a heart attack, and I wasn't anywhere near him. That is the one thing I regret the most. Far more than refusing to marry him, to take his money from him. I don't regret that at all although it does make me sad that I couldn't make him happy. It's what he wanted. When he died, I was outside his room. I wasn't allowed in, but he called for me. Mrs Hyde, as I must remind myself that she still is, kicked me out of my flat that Johnny was paying for. She refused to allow me to go to the funeral but I don't care what that bitter old hag had to say, I went. I went to honour my beloved Johnny, and because I knew he'd want me there. I took a rose from the spray. It's in the pages of my Bible now. I shall try to keep it forever. A pure white rose.
I'm living with my drama coach now, Natasha Lytess. She loves me and dotes on me but it's not quite the same. I want to die, I do.
Me and my darling Johnny