November 1948
Columbia fired me.
I don't understand it, I really don't. Ladies of the Chorus got good reviews, really good reviews. I was described as 'sparkling'. They'll be making a whole bunch of cash off my film, and I know it's my film, everybody said so, and what do I get? Nothing. I suppose it's back to square one. I always have my modelling, there's a constant demand for that.
I'm so cross, I don't know what to make of it all. First Fox drop me, then Columbia. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a movie star. I don't know why I even bothered sometimes. Oh yes I do. Because it's my dream, and these men who think they're hot stuff are pissing all over it. I loathe men, they use me and I let them.
In other news, Andre (de Dienes) called me up today. I was not expecting that at all and I have no clue how I got hold of my number. He asked if we could do a few pictures and I said no. Am I crazy? That man practically built my modelling career and I love him so. I told him that I might get a new film role sometime soon, that I never could tell what was just around the corner. He said that it wouldn't stop me from having my picture taken and I said 'yes, well'. This is the second time I've let my career get in the way of my friendship with him. I called off our engagement two years ago because I wanted to be a movie star. He's never forgiven me, not really.
Sometimes I miss Norma Jeane. But she's gone, I can't go back.
This is such a melancholy post, isn't it? I hope that I have something more cheerful to say next time I post. It's coming up to Christmas now anyway. 'Tis the season to be jolly. I may be strapped for cash but I'm determined to have a good time. Hopefully one of my old friends will call me up...
I don't understand it, I really don't. Ladies of the Chorus got good reviews, really good reviews. I was described as 'sparkling'. They'll be making a whole bunch of cash off my film, and I know it's my film, everybody said so, and what do I get? Nothing. I suppose it's back to square one. I always have my modelling, there's a constant demand for that.
I'm so cross, I don't know what to make of it all. First Fox drop me, then Columbia. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a movie star. I don't know why I even bothered sometimes. Oh yes I do. Because it's my dream, and these men who think they're hot stuff are pissing all over it. I loathe men, they use me and I let them.
In other news, Andre (de Dienes) called me up today. I was not expecting that at all and I have no clue how I got hold of my number. He asked if we could do a few pictures and I said no. Am I crazy? That man practically built my modelling career and I love him so. I told him that I might get a new film role sometime soon, that I never could tell what was just around the corner. He said that it wouldn't stop me from having my picture taken and I said 'yes, well'. This is the second time I've let my career get in the way of my friendship with him. I called off our engagement two years ago because I wanted to be a movie star. He's never forgiven me, not really.
Sometimes I miss Norma Jeane. But she's gone, I can't go back.
This is such a melancholy post, isn't it? I hope that I have something more cheerful to say next time I post. It's coming up to Christmas now anyway. 'Tis the season to be jolly. I may be strapped for cash but I'm determined to have a good time. Hopefully one of my old friends will call me up...