updating this was way more of a pain in the butt then it should have been
ok so the last time i tried to explain the ordeal that was getting this entry to show up right my computer decided to not have the correct date and time which then made lj eat my entry and give me an error message about backdating...so...3 floppy disks and about 5 trips up from the basement to the second floor and i bring you my entry:
**This is the one entry in which there will be mostly correct punctuation and capitalization but only because I’m typing it in Microsoft Word.
Well at least one good thing came out of coming home and that was that my computer still works…unlike last summer.
So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I’m now back in Baltimore for a temporary visit until I leave for Sacramento, CA on Monday, October 4th. Curtis and I left Tampa on Thursday night, stopped for the night right over the GA/SC border, then traveled on, arriving here late last night. We had to do the obligatory stop at South of the Border, specially since Curtis hadn’t been there for real (only a passing stop during a band trip he thinks). So I got a shot glass.
Then when we got back to Baltimore, we stopped at my house, dropped off my stuff and then headed back out on the road to meet friends at Xando’s in downtown Baltimore. They have s’mores and it is great. So we met up with Erin, Sara, their roommate Katie, Katie Rouse, Robin, Christina, Carl, and Sharon. Sharon and Carl got there too late to have food so after they closed Curtis and I went to the Paper Moon with them.
And then back to my house where there was a small accomplishment in my growing battle against my parents...or not, but close. They actually let Curtis sleep upstairs in my room, that’s right, I, Megan Smell was allowed to have a boy in my room…overnight! And a boy that my parents are perfectly aware that I am involved with. But of course he slept on the floor *wink* *wink*,
Then this morning Curtis, my dad, Kim, Jason, and I met at IHOP for breakfast. I gave Kim her birthday present which was this awesome handmade candle that I bought in St. Pete. She enjoyed it.
Then my dad drove and we took Curtis back to Delaware. We came in for a few and got stuck watching MTV’s Made where the little preppy girl wanted to become a skater. Then we said our goodbyes… :( . Then my dad and I decided to stop at the movies on the way home. We saw Forgotten, it was pretty good. I sorta had it figured out though, but it’s not that hard…and it had that one hot actor guy who played Fred Casely in Chicago. And I saw a preview for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason…can’t wait till that comes out!
So the first thing is that I have realized that I have a lot of irrational fears and that makes me wonder why I’m not more paranoid and neurotic than I am. Or at least why I’m not more outwardly so. I mean I worry about bridges (they are going to crack open in the middle and me and my car are just going to go careening into the water and I’m going to drown), elevators (it’s going to break and I’m going to plummet to my death and wind up flattened, this was even before I saw the movie Speed), escalators (that I’m going to get sucked into them in either direction), etc. I had worked out a few more examples in my head the other day but I’m sure that you get my point. It’s like I know they are irrational enough not to put much stock in them (i.e. I still drive over bridges, I still get in elevators, etc.) but I still can’t stop myself from having that thought at least for a second…
And the next thing that I’m going to babble about are labels. You hear all the time about how labels are bad. Diagnosing someone with a mental illness is associated with all sorts of stigma depending on which illness they are said to have. For this reason, people don’t like medical diagnoses, they don’t like labels. I’m sure you had your own experience with labels in high school when you were assumed to be in a certain group or whatever. I know I’m moving more towards the line of stereotypes but it all boils down to a label, a definition.
Of course this topic is irking me the most because of my experiences with Curtis and I. We’ve been trying to figure out for a week or so what exactly was going to happen to us during this time apart. Basically it just boiled down to whether or not we were going to refer to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend, in fact I’m not even sure that we ever made a concrete decision, opting instead to say we are in “limbo.” I’m not even sure what that label means. But anyway…maybe I don’t know what I’m babbling about. But the thing is…relationship or not…significant other or not…we love each other and what we refer to ourselves as is not going to change that. And you know that. But that “boyfriend/girlfriend” label just seems so damn important. I guess it’s all the baggage that it includes (not in a bad way mind you). Things like commitment, intimacy, I don’t know. And yet you can have all those things without being a boyfriend or whatever. I don’t know why we (people in general) spend so much time worrying about defining or categorizing something when we could simply just explain it. I don’t know why we have to make everything so simple because in all reality it’s not. And I know I’m guilty of trying to simplify things…but I don’t know. At one point Curtis mentioned that we could just do what we did last time (which ended up being like limbo, a.k.a. the land of suck), and then I made the point that last time we hadn’t said “I love you” to each other yet. But again, it shouldn’t matter. Because what we call each other isn’t going to change that fact that we love each other…so I get back around to my original point of why are they so damn important? As much as you don’t want it to matter it does…
**This is the one entry in which there will be mostly correct punctuation and capitalization but only because I’m typing it in Microsoft Word.
Well at least one good thing came out of coming home and that was that my computer still works…unlike last summer.
So a lot has happened since I last wrote. I’m now back in Baltimore for a temporary visit until I leave for Sacramento, CA on Monday, October 4th. Curtis and I left Tampa on Thursday night, stopped for the night right over the GA/SC border, then traveled on, arriving here late last night. We had to do the obligatory stop at South of the Border, specially since Curtis hadn’t been there for real (only a passing stop during a band trip he thinks). So I got a shot glass.
Then when we got back to Baltimore, we stopped at my house, dropped off my stuff and then headed back out on the road to meet friends at Xando’s in downtown Baltimore. They have s’mores and it is great. So we met up with Erin, Sara, their roommate Katie, Katie Rouse, Robin, Christina, Carl, and Sharon. Sharon and Carl got there too late to have food so after they closed Curtis and I went to the Paper Moon with them.
And then back to my house where there was a small accomplishment in my growing battle against my parents...or not, but close. They actually let Curtis sleep upstairs in my room, that’s right, I, Megan Smell was allowed to have a boy in my room…overnight! And a boy that my parents are perfectly aware that I am involved with. But of course he slept on the floor *wink* *wink*,
Then this morning Curtis, my dad, Kim, Jason, and I met at IHOP for breakfast. I gave Kim her birthday present which was this awesome handmade candle that I bought in St. Pete. She enjoyed it.
Then my dad drove and we took Curtis back to Delaware. We came in for a few and got stuck watching MTV’s Made where the little preppy girl wanted to become a skater. Then we said our goodbyes… :( . Then my dad and I decided to stop at the movies on the way home. We saw Forgotten, it was pretty good. I sorta had it figured out though, but it’s not that hard…and it had that one hot actor guy who played Fred Casely in Chicago. And I saw a preview for Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason…can’t wait till that comes out!
So the first thing is that I have realized that I have a lot of irrational fears and that makes me wonder why I’m not more paranoid and neurotic than I am. Or at least why I’m not more outwardly so. I mean I worry about bridges (they are going to crack open in the middle and me and my car are just going to go careening into the water and I’m going to drown), elevators (it’s going to break and I’m going to plummet to my death and wind up flattened, this was even before I saw the movie Speed), escalators (that I’m going to get sucked into them in either direction), etc. I had worked out a few more examples in my head the other day but I’m sure that you get my point. It’s like I know they are irrational enough not to put much stock in them (i.e. I still drive over bridges, I still get in elevators, etc.) but I still can’t stop myself from having that thought at least for a second…
And the next thing that I’m going to babble about are labels. You hear all the time about how labels are bad. Diagnosing someone with a mental illness is associated with all sorts of stigma depending on which illness they are said to have. For this reason, people don’t like medical diagnoses, they don’t like labels. I’m sure you had your own experience with labels in high school when you were assumed to be in a certain group or whatever. I know I’m moving more towards the line of stereotypes but it all boils down to a label, a definition.
Of course this topic is irking me the most because of my experiences with Curtis and I. We’ve been trying to figure out for a week or so what exactly was going to happen to us during this time apart. Basically it just boiled down to whether or not we were going to refer to each other as boyfriend or girlfriend, in fact I’m not even sure that we ever made a concrete decision, opting instead to say we are in “limbo.” I’m not even sure what that label means. But anyway…maybe I don’t know what I’m babbling about. But the thing is…relationship or not…significant other or not…we love each other and what we refer to ourselves as is not going to change that. And you know that. But that “boyfriend/girlfriend” label just seems so damn important. I guess it’s all the baggage that it includes (not in a bad way mind you). Things like commitment, intimacy, I don’t know. And yet you can have all those things without being a boyfriend or whatever. I don’t know why we (people in general) spend so much time worrying about defining or categorizing something when we could simply just explain it. I don’t know why we have to make everything so simple because in all reality it’s not. And I know I’m guilty of trying to simplify things…but I don’t know. At one point Curtis mentioned that we could just do what we did last time (which ended up being like limbo, a.k.a. the land of suck), and then I made the point that last time we hadn’t said “I love you” to each other yet. But again, it shouldn’t matter. Because what we call each other isn’t going to change that fact that we love each other…so I get back around to my original point of why are they so damn important? As much as you don’t want it to matter it does…