yay!
i'm going to see gavin degraw for the forth time on sunday in orlando!
:-D
and now that i dont have as many people around me that are saying stupid things (well except for curtis when he's drunk, i.e. "am i looking at you and staying looking at you?") i think i'll make a post of all the funny quotes from college... mostly just for me that so i'll have them all in one place that i can get to faster than that file on a cd somewhere...
but hopefully someone else will be amused.
"You don't need that many cereals to have a good cereal experience." ~Dr. Kleinberg comparing shopping for cereal to finding a spouse
“The most common experimental subjects are albino rats and college sophomores.” ~Dr. Teti
“I feel like I’ve been loitering my whole life.” ~Prof. Falco
“Chemicals, Ewww!” ~Dr. Goode
“The history of psychology is chock full of white guys with beards.” ~Dr. Goode
“I just got so excited about learning that a square meant stop that I just couldn’t contain myself.” ~Prof. Falco
“Nicotine is bitter because it lets animals know that they shouldn’t eat it. But not only do some animals eat it, but they dry it and set it on fire.” ~Dr. Goode
“See, these people are real, they don’t call me, but they call my friends.” ~Dr. Goode
“I’m a photon! I’m a photon!” ~Dr. Goode
“It’s a freak out scene man!” ~Dr. Goode
“Get out of here, you’re a low self-monitor!” ~Dr. Fox
oh how i miss prof. goode :-(
“We ain’t got no salad shakers. We ain’t go no yogurt. We ain’t made none yet.” ~McDonald’s employee
“That bug isn’t talented.” ~Dave
“My ass is on strike.” ~Lee
“I don’t like after dinner screws.” ~Cortney
“What stays in Goldeneye...doesn’t go out.” ~Mars
“When Jason says something you have to think about it for a while and then you kinda understand what he sorta meant.” ~Kevin
“I didn’t mean to steal Drano from the Dollar Store!” ~Kate
“They said, ‘Lemme come in,’ and I said, ‘No, you’re a cat.’” ~Dave
“That’s not dirt, that’s a tan.” ~Erica
“Screw punch buggy, let’s play Trans Am Bam.” ~Kevin
“I can only use tempestuous in the context of the movie.” ~Me
“Whoa, there’s a boy.” ~Jen
“I got lost in the frazzle.” ~Dan
“I feel like grocery.” ~Mars
“No, you don’t have time to pee, we have to leave now.” ~Jason
“I feel like a lemon, jumping out of gin and tonic all day long.” ~Cortney
“Boys don’t cry, they squeal.” ~Norma
“All kinds of bent!” ~Kate
“Oh look...its a seance cult!” ~Jen
“My car is a chick magnet. It’s just too bad I'm not looking for chicks.” ~Erin
Cortney: Want some peach snow cone?
Us: No, we're cold.
Cortney: Yea but if you ate peach snow cone you'd be cold because you ate peach snow cone not because it's almost October.
"When your socks smell you shouldn't wash them right away because when you wear them again your shoes will seal in the smell." ~Cortney
“Oh, there’s some confused looking white people, they must be habitat volunteers.” ~Pete
“Dinner and a movie? I had dinner and we watched a movie....Oh, you wanted dinner too?” ~Chris
“I didn’t mean to offend you when I was being an ass.” ~Chris
Jacki: Why isn't it printing, I told it to print.
Me: Maybe you should click “print” instead of “paste.”
“I have magic pants, nothing else matters.” ~Me
“They make computers so heavy so you wont be able to throw them out the window when they crash.” ~Erin
Greg: noooo there's the hugest moth in my chocolate milk!
Greg: it's still alive i'm gonna save it!
Me: greg to the rescue!
Greg: if it would stop sinking
Greg: but that's how lucky i am
Greg: mothera shows up in my chocolate milk for no apparent reason
“I think all stupid people should have warning labels pasted on their foreheads in clear view. Something a little like: Warning! Conversation with this person may result in headaches, frustrations and an overwhelming hatred of the human race. Do not ask this person questions for they will babble uncontrollably and give totally incorrect answers. It is recommended to not accompany this person while they operate heavy machinery. Allowing this person to consume alcohol will intensify their stupidity and overall annoyance. Breeding is not recommended.”
“Marijuana: Uh, like weed can cause, um, loss of...ehm...memory? Yeah, and can induce, um, sleepiness, and...
heheh...dude, I just said penis. Nyahaah...”
Me: Boys suck! But he's so cute!
Tim: You’re such a woman!
Me: He’s a jerk.
Gitty: But he’s a lovable jerk.
Me: No, he’s moved into the I never wanna talk to him again jerk category.
“I just dropped a pretzel in my printer.” ~Me
Chris: Wanna learn how to drive?
Me: Not right now.
Chris: Ok...
Me: I’m at work.
Chris: So?
Me: Well unless they made a new rule saying that you’re allowed to drive on the second floor of the library, that presents a problem.
Chris: It’s a blazer. I can get it up there.
Anna: You just knocked my boob over.
Alex: I’ll fix it.
“I smelled so good this morning, I was turning myself on.” ~Tim S
"It's sad when your friends knock you down and you have to knock yourself up." ~Sara’s friend
“You weren’t there when Andy and I did the whole whipped cream thing.” ~Neeraj
“I don’t have glasses so what the hell is vibrating on me?” ~Tim P
Me: Watch where you step.
Sarah: What? Barbed wire?
Me: No, dead bird.
“Is that the guy with the jiggly butt?” ~Erin
Josh: “Do you believe in the G-Spot?”
Mark: “Yes, but that bad boy moves.”
Erin: I feel like spinning
Me: Records?
Erin: No, around.
"Seeds don't get fertilized, you loser!" ~Erin
Erin: Megan, I think you have a problem, surfing the internet looking for naked pictures of Heath Ledger.
Me: Hey, he wasn't naked in that picture. He was wearing clothes.
Erin: Yeah down around his ankles
"It doesn't matter, she's wearing vegetables." ~Me
"Until then, you can find me in the Commons trying to find a legal and nonviolent place to stick my sledge hammer." ~Lee
"That watery stuff in applesauce that you thought was juice? Midget spit."
"If you're running away from God, don't get in my car." ~Andrew Ruff
Me: My high school was crap.
Tim: You can do a lot with crap...build a house?
“You’re driving a Hyundai, I’m a bull.” ~Amy
"The crazy beams are bouncing off the walls." ~Erin
"You are the library slut, Megan." ~Sarah
"Don't yell at me I don't have any furniture." ~Baby With the Bath Water
"Spell delerium."
"D-E-L-E-R-I-M-O-U-S-E. I got it. Oh no, that's a delerimouse." ~Baby With the Bath Water
"Can you get dandruff without hair?" ~Erin
"There are two degrees of separation at UMBC, Carolyn is the center." ~Erin
"I am staring at Josh Hartnett's crotch and that's disturbing." ~Erin
Krissy: I'm running on three hours sleep.
Becky: I just have a dirty mind.
“My deodorant is messed up since it melted.” ~Me
“My computer had a sex change operation because it used to be gray and that’s a guy color.” ~Me
“Why does the water still work when the power’s off, I want to complain that I can’t brush my teeth.” ~Elisa
Me: i'm like a fricking drama magnet
Ben (the other one): that explains the Hamlet script stuck to your jeans
“I totally touched that guy’s butt.” ~Becky
“I’m going to blend in with my sheets.” ~Me
“Oh, it’s a straw!” ~Guy from late night
“Do they know they glow?” ~Guy at aquarium about the fish that glow
“The woman serving the cake looks like Mike Tyson.” ~Guy at the aquarium
“Even his pubic hair is gorgeous.” ~Robin
“Maybe for him, a normal girl has a penis.” ~Becky
“Yes because I have great insight into the fears of pajama pants.” ~Me
“They’ve invented some pills now that will let people stay up a full 48 hours with ‘no side effects.’ I bet you take it for a few months and your arms start falling off or something.” ~Greg
“Porno titles don’t show up on the bill right?” ~Erin
“Hey there’s legs on my shrimp.” ~Chuck
“That’s why I got a hamburger because the legs are already cut off.” ~Kevin
“Those tomatoes have nipples.” ~Lee
“I’m saving my knife for my pudding.” ~Patrick
“Lee is the only one who can call me cupcake.” ~Patrick
“You look like you shop at Walmart.”
“The angry caterpillar will be hard to do because I don’t have my mummy bag so it’ll look like an angry rectangle.” ~Patrick
"If you don't wear deodorant the terrorists have already won." ~Sipi
“Think outside the tin can.” ~Patrick
“Think outside the tin cup.” ~Me
“Think outside the sippy cup.” ~Erin
“Dave, why are you wearing my swimming trunks?” ~Joe
“Gee Patrick, you stick out like a sore thumb.” ~Jen
“I know if you put my steak back in the oven, it’ll get a little more doner." ~Norma
“That’s ass expensive.” ~Lee
“Aren’t you just the berries?” ~Jen
“Are you picking up what I’m laying down.” ~Jen
“Spastic bug.” ~Jen
Sipi: I just saw someone’s ass.
Chriss: Chuck!
Sipi: No it was a white ass.
Chriss: Lee!
“At least I’m getting props from his mother.” ~Me
“But the light wasn't red for my lane.” ~Me
“There are a lot of lightbulbs in this world.” ~Tim
“How much time is it?” ~Tim
“If i had a billion dollars I'd be doing the same thing I'm doing now, I'd just be sitting in a better chair.” ~Greg
“I can't believe you got to drive on a course. They were like go over there with all the cars and don't crash and die. One girl there didn't even get out of the parking lot before she failed, she was running all over everything. I was like wtf, I bet she can't color either.” ~Greg
“Yeah I'm so scary, I just have a muscle car and listen to heavy metal and have ‘th grade girl hair.’” ~Greg
“Do you have an obsession with my butt, Robin?” ~Me
“Does my fat offend you?” ~Dola
“It’s amazing what you can do with some super glue and a Q-tip." ~Erin
“What did they go to the Asian Fetish Club meeting together or something?” ~Curtis
“Did he frolick in the autumness?” ~Curtis
“You’re a ho in denial.” ~Robin
“Yes! I’m not in a love-square!” ~Me
“My butt is square.” ~Dola
“I’d like to find myself in male form. That would be great!” ~Carrie
“My God that bottle of Tabasco Sauce is having intercourse with that baked potato!”
"So how old was that kid when he was born?" ~Erin
"Ugh I had $9.36 in the bank yesterday, just rolling in cash, and today it says I have $9.32. Somebody ninja charged me four cents." ~Greg
"At this point all attempts at sleep would be feudal." ~Me
"The fact that he took some time to answer made me think that maybe he does have an aardvark and doesn't know where it is." ~Matt
purplecrazydaze: *nods*
Mysterious Tokyo: This isn't some role playing forum, Megan...Psh. *nods*
Mysterious Tokyo: Lol, you might as well type *types the word nod to signify a bodily gestures thus signifying the response "yes"*
"Oh my god the power in charlotte went out for almost a whole week. Guess i'll have to watch tv for three days straight to make up for it." ~Greg
"It really annoyed me that when Kelly Osbourne was on the Late Show with Whoever she was sitting upside down the whole time with her legs up in the air like she was trying to direct sperm in the right direction...cause sperm is stupid!" ~Chrissy
Erin: Seriously, what does that guy have up his ass?
Me: The left arm of the Democratic party.
“That’s outfit’s really cute in a bummy sort of way.” ~Robin
Robin: I have to yell (pronounced Yale).
Dola: *laughs* I have to Harvard.
"There are just some things you shouldn't put on pizza, like cat hair." ~Tina (in response to the fact that there was baby corn on the dining hall pizza)
Erin: What's going on outside?
Megan: It might be the movie I'm watching.
Erin: Outside?
"We've come to the conclusion that the elf is only attractive when he's moving." ~Tina
"I'd like to sum things up in one word: DO NOT STEAL!" ~my boss
"Like if I go home and use big words they're like, where are you from, New England?" ~Tina
“I didn’t realize the scary, ugly mug had feet.” ~my dad
Curtis: *hugs*
Me: *shrugs*
Curtis: hug + airbag
Me: huh?
Curtis: I said *hug* you said *shrugs* which is *hug* plus an s, an r, and an s. SRS=Safety Restraint System=airbag
Greg01840: i'd make it illegal to walk forward for a day, something cool.
"I dunno if i know about greek army bill." ~Curtis
"We're not veterinarians at this game." ~my bro (veterans)
"I dont understand lacrosse. They have big sticks and they get to beat people up with them." ~Erin
"The aquarium depresses me. All those fish swimming around in circles. They look so unhappy." ~Dola
Megan: We're going to watch Harry Potter, the deleted scenes
Mariam: Is there any nudity in that?
“Ahhh! He's making out with the puppet!” ~Me
"Just dont set me on fire." ~Alex
"I'm the same when I'm drunk, only drunker." ~drunk Curtis
"But Chuck is Hot Chocolate!" ~Me
"Honestly there's times I feel I should have been a black lesbian." ~Erin (BEST QUOTE EVER) because THIS is Erin:
Me: I'm getting punchdrunk.
Erin: What exactly does that mean.
Me: Like being slaphappy.
Erin: I thought that was when you went around hitting people.
"I dont know, over there [Iraq] they make it [soap] out of goats or something, not glycerin and holy water or whatever soap is made out of." ~G.G.
“Back Road is before Center Road - or after depending on what direction you are coming from.” ~Me
“If we all die, I don’t have my cellphone.” ~Erin
“Whoa, there’s a butt.” ~Mike
“Take your nasty Bible and get away from me.” ~Christina
Christina: I thought it said Party with an ‘S.’
Me: That would be Parts.
“A firecracker is a cracker that you set on fire.” ~Shannon
“They spelled my wrong name.” ~Denise
“You all talk about me behind my face.” ~Denise
“I change my underwear once a week!” ~Denise
“Make sure this road is going where we want it to go.” ~Christina
“I would so not make a good stripper.” ~Me
“God damn you players! You should all die of Gonorrhea and rot in hell!” ~Carrie
“You all are right after the civil war guys, but there should be a clown between you.” ~parade organizer lady
“Wow, tissues are so much better than toilet paper.” ~Me
“I haven’t really done anything stupid while drunk. Well except one. And he won’t call me back.” ~Erin
“Now every time I see some strawberries I’m going to think of musical porn.” ~drunk Me
“Who says you can’t cuddle your fish?” ~Sarah
“Sex has become completely boring to me.” ~Erin
“If i was a midget i would dress like an oompa loompa all the time.” ~Greg
“A lot of 'country' singers don't even wear straw hats any more.” ~Greg
“You have bad shower karma.” ~Carrie
“That was our 'getting it on' week.” ~Erin
“We should have a sign that says ‘Our employees reserve the right to beat you with a broom’.” ~Me
“We've eaten a baby in candy corn.” ~Megan
“I wonder what sex looks like in Morse code.” ~Christina
"It was like retro day in my head." ~Me
"I didn't know butt-shaking was involved in pancakes." ~Carrie
"What is this? The president of Psi Chi isn't even going into...Psichi...ology." ~Lisa
"Will you please stop wearing the dishtowel on your head." ~Me to drunk Erin
Me: erin's trying to wash the dishes
Krissy: that is so classic
Krissy: drunk girl cleaning
“I am so not eating at The Commons anymore. It is disgusting, I’m going to Taco Bell." ~Me
“I had a big crush on him, not the noyd.” ~Me
“I wasn’t breast-feeding Hugh Jackman.” ~Christina
“Look, Johnny Depp and a baguette, personally I’m more excited about the baguette.” ~Christina
“I still can’t taste it, so I think I need more.” ~drunk Me
“I think I’ll realize how drunk I am when I try to get up off the floor.” ~drunk Me
Me: You're not a bastard.
Curtis: That's right because my parents were married. 7/8/78, a year and 5 months and 2 days before i was born.
*pause*
That's not right....
"You're sexier than Santa Claus." ~Curtis
Me: there's this guy who keeps calling curtis "marcus"
Elaine: he's got an acute case of "i dislike that punk so i'll call him some other name"
"I wrapped up the refrigerator with red bows and then they turned into penises." ~drunk Lisa
Mysterious Tokyo: I started downloading the score for The Last Samurai. I dont think Im can listen to it too much...like when you suck on a lemon...i guess if you liked lemons it would be like this. So you like the lemon so goddamn much...but it's almost too good, and you cant stand the chills, the goosebumps...and so you have to stop before you kill yourself and not even care.
Mysterious Tokyo: I think I forgot to mention how sour lemons are...which makes my whole analogy fall apart.
Mysterious Tokyo: But this score...AHAHH...too much of a good thing.
Mysterious Tokyo: Did I mention there is a movie too?
Mysterious Tokyo: It's excellent.
"I'm going to get a boob job on my break." ~Stephanie
"I hate fucking curbs." ~drunk Me
"It tastes like Christmas." ~Me
“I was trying to drink the fish.” ~drunk Me
Erin: Can you put a red bow around the bear's penis?
Me: No, the bear doesn't have a fucking penis.
I've never had double vision, you lucky bastard you. -Erin
"I have procreating clothes." ~Carrie
“I turn Freud upside-down.” ~Erin
“I was so worried about dating my father I ended up dating my mother.” ~Erin
"I wonder if you get in trouble here, if you are sent to the homonym wall." ~Rachel
"Are people illegal to sulfites? Shit, I meant allergic." ~drunk me
Christina: Curtis is Johnny Depp
Christina: in disguise
Lisa: Is Mary's hair purple?
Megan: Yes this is Generation X Mary and underneath her robe she has black fishnets
"Great, now I'm going to spend all night trying to think of a straight person I get excited about." ~Me
“Take a compass and go get lost.” ~Nate to Steve
Nate: Anyone know what time the Maryland game is?
Greg: Are we still in the same time zone?
“He’s deaf, not Spanish.” ~Patrick
“Vegan protection zone.” ~Patrick
“Would a vegetarian eat a steak-flavored jellybean?” ~Patrick
“What color are the blue ones?” ~Patrick
Rachel: It has no animal products in it.
Guy: So where did the peanuts come from?
Josh: Can you see my tan line?
Norma: Josh, Stevie Wonder could see your tan line.
“I think I have a hammer in my ass.” ~Nate
“Don’t put Fritos in the soup. It makes it taste like it’s burnt.” ~Patrick
“If I was pregnant you’d all be buying me pickles.” ~Rachel
“You need to be on top of me.” ~Erin to Krissy
“Those girls shouldn’t be allowed to sign the house, they should sign the bench.” ~Christina
“No licking sweatshirts.” ~Mike the construction guy
“You have a guy on your shoulder.” ~Krissy
“Megan is a shirt whore.” ~Chanelle
there were so many amusing things said at Habitat workdays this past year that they get their own category
“Not only is Wes making everyone horny, but now the wood is attracted to him." ~Pat
Rob: OW!!!
Erin: Well, wait a minute before you touch the hot saw blade.
Rob: But, I'm a MAN.
“I need a screw. And I'm not referring to Rob.” ~Wes
“Why is Wes molesting the door?” ~Pat
“Do you want to sign my ass?” ~Krissy
“We can't have pretend sex until we're pretend married.” ~Chris
“My arm was so sore from sawing all day that I couldn’t even masturbate that night." ~Wes
“First Megan’s bigger than me and now my rod’s bent.” ~Wes
“That pizza was raped.” ~Greg
"Westeses breastes" (six syllables) ~Krissy
“Go Greg and his magical musical voice.” ~Wes
“That doesn’t rhyme because I’m white.” ~Greg
"He's my hero, except for the whole homosexual and suicidal part." ~Greg
:-D
and now that i dont have as many people around me that are saying stupid things (well except for curtis when he's drunk, i.e. "am i looking at you and staying looking at you?") i think i'll make a post of all the funny quotes from college... mostly just for me that so i'll have them all in one place that i can get to faster than that file on a cd somewhere...
but hopefully someone else will be amused.
"You don't need that many cereals to have a good cereal experience." ~Dr. Kleinberg comparing shopping for cereal to finding a spouse
“The most common experimental subjects are albino rats and college sophomores.” ~Dr. Teti
“I feel like I’ve been loitering my whole life.” ~Prof. Falco
“Chemicals, Ewww!” ~Dr. Goode
“The history of psychology is chock full of white guys with beards.” ~Dr. Goode
“I just got so excited about learning that a square meant stop that I just couldn’t contain myself.” ~Prof. Falco
“Nicotine is bitter because it lets animals know that they shouldn’t eat it. But not only do some animals eat it, but they dry it and set it on fire.” ~Dr. Goode
“See, these people are real, they don’t call me, but they call my friends.” ~Dr. Goode
“I’m a photon! I’m a photon!” ~Dr. Goode
“It’s a freak out scene man!” ~Dr. Goode
“Get out of here, you’re a low self-monitor!” ~Dr. Fox
oh how i miss prof. goode :-(
“We ain’t got no salad shakers. We ain’t go no yogurt. We ain’t made none yet.” ~McDonald’s employee
“That bug isn’t talented.” ~Dave
“My ass is on strike.” ~Lee
“I don’t like after dinner screws.” ~Cortney
“What stays in Goldeneye...doesn’t go out.” ~Mars
“When Jason says something you have to think about it for a while and then you kinda understand what he sorta meant.” ~Kevin
“I didn’t mean to steal Drano from the Dollar Store!” ~Kate
“They said, ‘Lemme come in,’ and I said, ‘No, you’re a cat.’” ~Dave
“That’s not dirt, that’s a tan.” ~Erica
“Screw punch buggy, let’s play Trans Am Bam.” ~Kevin
“I can only use tempestuous in the context of the movie.” ~Me
“Whoa, there’s a boy.” ~Jen
“I got lost in the frazzle.” ~Dan
“I feel like grocery.” ~Mars
“No, you don’t have time to pee, we have to leave now.” ~Jason
“I feel like a lemon, jumping out of gin and tonic all day long.” ~Cortney
“Boys don’t cry, they squeal.” ~Norma
“All kinds of bent!” ~Kate
“Oh look...its a seance cult!” ~Jen
“My car is a chick magnet. It’s just too bad I'm not looking for chicks.” ~Erin
Cortney: Want some peach snow cone?
Us: No, we're cold.
Cortney: Yea but if you ate peach snow cone you'd be cold because you ate peach snow cone not because it's almost October.
"When your socks smell you shouldn't wash them right away because when you wear them again your shoes will seal in the smell." ~Cortney
“Oh, there’s some confused looking white people, they must be habitat volunteers.” ~Pete
“Dinner and a movie? I had dinner and we watched a movie....Oh, you wanted dinner too?” ~Chris
“I didn’t mean to offend you when I was being an ass.” ~Chris
Jacki: Why isn't it printing, I told it to print.
Me: Maybe you should click “print” instead of “paste.”
“I have magic pants, nothing else matters.” ~Me
“They make computers so heavy so you wont be able to throw them out the window when they crash.” ~Erin
Greg: noooo there's the hugest moth in my chocolate milk!
Greg: it's still alive i'm gonna save it!
Me: greg to the rescue!
Greg: if it would stop sinking
Greg: but that's how lucky i am
Greg: mothera shows up in my chocolate milk for no apparent reason
“I think all stupid people should have warning labels pasted on their foreheads in clear view. Something a little like: Warning! Conversation with this person may result in headaches, frustrations and an overwhelming hatred of the human race. Do not ask this person questions for they will babble uncontrollably and give totally incorrect answers. It is recommended to not accompany this person while they operate heavy machinery. Allowing this person to consume alcohol will intensify their stupidity and overall annoyance. Breeding is not recommended.”
“Marijuana: Uh, like weed can cause, um, loss of...ehm...memory? Yeah, and can induce, um, sleepiness, and...
heheh...dude, I just said penis. Nyahaah...”
Me: Boys suck! But he's so cute!
Tim: You’re such a woman!
Me: He’s a jerk.
Gitty: But he’s a lovable jerk.
Me: No, he’s moved into the I never wanna talk to him again jerk category.
“I just dropped a pretzel in my printer.” ~Me
Chris: Wanna learn how to drive?
Me: Not right now.
Chris: Ok...
Me: I’m at work.
Chris: So?
Me: Well unless they made a new rule saying that you’re allowed to drive on the second floor of the library, that presents a problem.
Chris: It’s a blazer. I can get it up there.
Anna: You just knocked my boob over.
Alex: I’ll fix it.
“I smelled so good this morning, I was turning myself on.” ~Tim S
"It's sad when your friends knock you down and you have to knock yourself up." ~Sara’s friend
“You weren’t there when Andy and I did the whole whipped cream thing.” ~Neeraj
“I don’t have glasses so what the hell is vibrating on me?” ~Tim P
Me: Watch where you step.
Sarah: What? Barbed wire?
Me: No, dead bird.
“Is that the guy with the jiggly butt?” ~Erin
Josh: “Do you believe in the G-Spot?”
Mark: “Yes, but that bad boy moves.”
Erin: I feel like spinning
Me: Records?
Erin: No, around.
"Seeds don't get fertilized, you loser!" ~Erin
Erin: Megan, I think you have a problem, surfing the internet looking for naked pictures of Heath Ledger.
Me: Hey, he wasn't naked in that picture. He was wearing clothes.
Erin: Yeah down around his ankles
"It doesn't matter, she's wearing vegetables." ~Me
"Until then, you can find me in the Commons trying to find a legal and nonviolent place to stick my sledge hammer." ~Lee
"That watery stuff in applesauce that you thought was juice? Midget spit."
"If you're running away from God, don't get in my car." ~Andrew Ruff
Me: My high school was crap.
Tim: You can do a lot with crap...build a house?
“You’re driving a Hyundai, I’m a bull.” ~Amy
"The crazy beams are bouncing off the walls." ~Erin
"You are the library slut, Megan." ~Sarah
"Don't yell at me I don't have any furniture." ~Baby With the Bath Water
"Spell delerium."
"D-E-L-E-R-I-M-O-U-S-E. I got it. Oh no, that's a delerimouse." ~Baby With the Bath Water
"Can you get dandruff without hair?" ~Erin
"There are two degrees of separation at UMBC, Carolyn is the center." ~Erin
"I am staring at Josh Hartnett's crotch and that's disturbing." ~Erin
Krissy: I'm running on three hours sleep.
Becky: I just have a dirty mind.
“My deodorant is messed up since it melted.” ~Me
“My computer had a sex change operation because it used to be gray and that’s a guy color.” ~Me
“Why does the water still work when the power’s off, I want to complain that I can’t brush my teeth.” ~Elisa
Me: i'm like a fricking drama magnet
Ben (the other one): that explains the Hamlet script stuck to your jeans
“I totally touched that guy’s butt.” ~Becky
“I’m going to blend in with my sheets.” ~Me
“Oh, it’s a straw!” ~Guy from late night
“Do they know they glow?” ~Guy at aquarium about the fish that glow
“The woman serving the cake looks like Mike Tyson.” ~Guy at the aquarium
“Even his pubic hair is gorgeous.” ~Robin
“Maybe for him, a normal girl has a penis.” ~Becky
“Yes because I have great insight into the fears of pajama pants.” ~Me
“They’ve invented some pills now that will let people stay up a full 48 hours with ‘no side effects.’ I bet you take it for a few months and your arms start falling off or something.” ~Greg
“Porno titles don’t show up on the bill right?” ~Erin
“Hey there’s legs on my shrimp.” ~Chuck
“That’s why I got a hamburger because the legs are already cut off.” ~Kevin
“Those tomatoes have nipples.” ~Lee
“I’m saving my knife for my pudding.” ~Patrick
“Lee is the only one who can call me cupcake.” ~Patrick
“You look like you shop at Walmart.”
“The angry caterpillar will be hard to do because I don’t have my mummy bag so it’ll look like an angry rectangle.” ~Patrick
"If you don't wear deodorant the terrorists have already won." ~Sipi
“Think outside the tin can.” ~Patrick
“Think outside the tin cup.” ~Me
“Think outside the sippy cup.” ~Erin
“Dave, why are you wearing my swimming trunks?” ~Joe
“Gee Patrick, you stick out like a sore thumb.” ~Jen
“I know if you put my steak back in the oven, it’ll get a little more doner." ~Norma
“That’s ass expensive.” ~Lee
“Aren’t you just the berries?” ~Jen
“Are you picking up what I’m laying down.” ~Jen
“Spastic bug.” ~Jen
Sipi: I just saw someone’s ass.
Chriss: Chuck!
Sipi: No it was a white ass.
Chriss: Lee!
“At least I’m getting props from his mother.” ~Me
“But the light wasn't red for my lane.” ~Me
“There are a lot of lightbulbs in this world.” ~Tim
“How much time is it?” ~Tim
“If i had a billion dollars I'd be doing the same thing I'm doing now, I'd just be sitting in a better chair.” ~Greg
“I can't believe you got to drive on a course. They were like go over there with all the cars and don't crash and die. One girl there didn't even get out of the parking lot before she failed, she was running all over everything. I was like wtf, I bet she can't color either.” ~Greg
“Yeah I'm so scary, I just have a muscle car and listen to heavy metal and have ‘th grade girl hair.’” ~Greg
“Do you have an obsession with my butt, Robin?” ~Me
“Does my fat offend you?” ~Dola
“It’s amazing what you can do with some super glue and a Q-tip." ~Erin
“What did they go to the Asian Fetish Club meeting together or something?” ~Curtis
“Did he frolick in the autumness?” ~Curtis
“You’re a ho in denial.” ~Robin
“Yes! I’m not in a love-square!” ~Me
“My butt is square.” ~Dola
“I’d like to find myself in male form. That would be great!” ~Carrie
“My God that bottle of Tabasco Sauce is having intercourse with that baked potato!”
"So how old was that kid when he was born?" ~Erin
"Ugh I had $9.36 in the bank yesterday, just rolling in cash, and today it says I have $9.32. Somebody ninja charged me four cents." ~Greg
"At this point all attempts at sleep would be feudal." ~Me
"The fact that he took some time to answer made me think that maybe he does have an aardvark and doesn't know where it is." ~Matt
purplecrazydaze: *nods*
Mysterious Tokyo: This isn't some role playing forum, Megan...Psh. *nods*
Mysterious Tokyo: Lol, you might as well type *types the word nod to signify a bodily gestures thus signifying the response "yes"*
"Oh my god the power in charlotte went out for almost a whole week. Guess i'll have to watch tv for three days straight to make up for it." ~Greg
"It really annoyed me that when Kelly Osbourne was on the Late Show with Whoever she was sitting upside down the whole time with her legs up in the air like she was trying to direct sperm in the right direction...cause sperm is stupid!" ~Chrissy
Erin: Seriously, what does that guy have up his ass?
Me: The left arm of the Democratic party.
“That’s outfit’s really cute in a bummy sort of way.” ~Robin
Robin: I have to yell (pronounced Yale).
Dola: *laughs* I have to Harvard.
"There are just some things you shouldn't put on pizza, like cat hair." ~Tina (in response to the fact that there was baby corn on the dining hall pizza)
Erin: What's going on outside?
Megan: It might be the movie I'm watching.
Erin: Outside?
"We've come to the conclusion that the elf is only attractive when he's moving." ~Tina
"I'd like to sum things up in one word: DO NOT STEAL!" ~my boss
"Like if I go home and use big words they're like, where are you from, New England?" ~Tina
“I didn’t realize the scary, ugly mug had feet.” ~my dad
Curtis: *hugs*
Me: *shrugs*
Curtis: hug + airbag
Me: huh?
Curtis: I said *hug* you said *shrugs* which is *hug* plus an s, an r, and an s. SRS=Safety Restraint System=airbag
Greg01840: i'd make it illegal to walk forward for a day, something cool.
"I dunno if i know about greek army bill." ~Curtis
"We're not veterinarians at this game." ~my bro (veterans)
"I dont understand lacrosse. They have big sticks and they get to beat people up with them." ~Erin
"The aquarium depresses me. All those fish swimming around in circles. They look so unhappy." ~Dola
Megan: We're going to watch Harry Potter, the deleted scenes
Mariam: Is there any nudity in that?
“Ahhh! He's making out with the puppet!” ~Me
"Just dont set me on fire." ~Alex
"I'm the same when I'm drunk, only drunker." ~drunk Curtis
"But Chuck is Hot Chocolate!" ~Me
"Honestly there's times I feel I should have been a black lesbian." ~Erin (BEST QUOTE EVER) because THIS is Erin:
Me: I'm getting punchdrunk.
Erin: What exactly does that mean.
Me: Like being slaphappy.
Erin: I thought that was when you went around hitting people.
"I dont know, over there [Iraq] they make it [soap] out of goats or something, not glycerin and holy water or whatever soap is made out of." ~G.G.
“Back Road is before Center Road - or after depending on what direction you are coming from.” ~Me
“If we all die, I don’t have my cellphone.” ~Erin
“Whoa, there’s a butt.” ~Mike
“Take your nasty Bible and get away from me.” ~Christina
Christina: I thought it said Party with an ‘S.’
Me: That would be Parts.
“A firecracker is a cracker that you set on fire.” ~Shannon
“They spelled my wrong name.” ~Denise
“You all talk about me behind my face.” ~Denise
“I change my underwear once a week!” ~Denise
“Make sure this road is going where we want it to go.” ~Christina
“I would so not make a good stripper.” ~Me
“God damn you players! You should all die of Gonorrhea and rot in hell!” ~Carrie
“You all are right after the civil war guys, but there should be a clown between you.” ~parade organizer lady
“Wow, tissues are so much better than toilet paper.” ~Me
“I haven’t really done anything stupid while drunk. Well except one. And he won’t call me back.” ~Erin
“Now every time I see some strawberries I’m going to think of musical porn.” ~drunk Me
“Who says you can’t cuddle your fish?” ~Sarah
“Sex has become completely boring to me.” ~Erin
“If i was a midget i would dress like an oompa loompa all the time.” ~Greg
“A lot of 'country' singers don't even wear straw hats any more.” ~Greg
“You have bad shower karma.” ~Carrie
“That was our 'getting it on' week.” ~Erin
“We should have a sign that says ‘Our employees reserve the right to beat you with a broom’.” ~Me
“We've eaten a baby in candy corn.” ~Megan
“I wonder what sex looks like in Morse code.” ~Christina
"It was like retro day in my head." ~Me
"I didn't know butt-shaking was involved in pancakes." ~Carrie
"What is this? The president of Psi Chi isn't even going into...Psichi...ology." ~Lisa
"Will you please stop wearing the dishtowel on your head." ~Me to drunk Erin
Me: erin's trying to wash the dishes
Krissy: that is so classic
Krissy: drunk girl cleaning
“I am so not eating at The Commons anymore. It is disgusting, I’m going to Taco Bell." ~Me
“I had a big crush on him, not the noyd.” ~Me
“I wasn’t breast-feeding Hugh Jackman.” ~Christina
“Look, Johnny Depp and a baguette, personally I’m more excited about the baguette.” ~Christina
“I still can’t taste it, so I think I need more.” ~drunk Me
“I think I’ll realize how drunk I am when I try to get up off the floor.” ~drunk Me
Me: You're not a bastard.
Curtis: That's right because my parents were married. 7/8/78, a year and 5 months and 2 days before i was born.
*pause*
That's not right....
"You're sexier than Santa Claus." ~Curtis
Me: there's this guy who keeps calling curtis "marcus"
Elaine: he's got an acute case of "i dislike that punk so i'll call him some other name"
"I wrapped up the refrigerator with red bows and then they turned into penises." ~drunk Lisa
Mysterious Tokyo: I started downloading the score for The Last Samurai. I dont think Im can listen to it too much...like when you suck on a lemon...i guess if you liked lemons it would be like this. So you like the lemon so goddamn much...but it's almost too good, and you cant stand the chills, the goosebumps...and so you have to stop before you kill yourself and not even care.
Mysterious Tokyo: I think I forgot to mention how sour lemons are...which makes my whole analogy fall apart.
Mysterious Tokyo: But this score...AHAHH...too much of a good thing.
Mysterious Tokyo: Did I mention there is a movie too?
Mysterious Tokyo: It's excellent.
"I'm going to get a boob job on my break." ~Stephanie
"I hate fucking curbs." ~drunk Me
"It tastes like Christmas." ~Me
“I was trying to drink the fish.” ~drunk Me
Erin: Can you put a red bow around the bear's penis?
Me: No, the bear doesn't have a fucking penis.
I've never had double vision, you lucky bastard you. -Erin
"I have procreating clothes." ~Carrie
“I turn Freud upside-down.” ~Erin
“I was so worried about dating my father I ended up dating my mother.” ~Erin
"I wonder if you get in trouble here, if you are sent to the homonym wall." ~Rachel
"Are people illegal to sulfites? Shit, I meant allergic." ~drunk me
Christina: Curtis is Johnny Depp
Christina: in disguise
Lisa: Is Mary's hair purple?
Megan: Yes this is Generation X Mary and underneath her robe she has black fishnets
"Great, now I'm going to spend all night trying to think of a straight person I get excited about." ~Me
“Take a compass and go get lost.” ~Nate to Steve
Nate: Anyone know what time the Maryland game is?
Greg: Are we still in the same time zone?
“He’s deaf, not Spanish.” ~Patrick
“Vegan protection zone.” ~Patrick
“Would a vegetarian eat a steak-flavored jellybean?” ~Patrick
“What color are the blue ones?” ~Patrick
Rachel: It has no animal products in it.
Guy: So where did the peanuts come from?
Josh: Can you see my tan line?
Norma: Josh, Stevie Wonder could see your tan line.
“I think I have a hammer in my ass.” ~Nate
“Don’t put Fritos in the soup. It makes it taste like it’s burnt.” ~Patrick
“If I was pregnant you’d all be buying me pickles.” ~Rachel
“You need to be on top of me.” ~Erin to Krissy
“Those girls shouldn’t be allowed to sign the house, they should sign the bench.” ~Christina
“No licking sweatshirts.” ~Mike the construction guy
“You have a guy on your shoulder.” ~Krissy
“Megan is a shirt whore.” ~Chanelle
there were so many amusing things said at Habitat workdays this past year that they get their own category
“Not only is Wes making everyone horny, but now the wood is attracted to him." ~Pat
Rob: OW!!!
Erin: Well, wait a minute before you touch the hot saw blade.
Rob: But, I'm a MAN.
“I need a screw. And I'm not referring to Rob.” ~Wes
“Why is Wes molesting the door?” ~Pat
“Do you want to sign my ass?” ~Krissy
“We can't have pretend sex until we're pretend married.” ~Chris
“My arm was so sore from sawing all day that I couldn’t even masturbate that night." ~Wes
“First Megan’s bigger than me and now my rod’s bent.” ~Wes
“That pizza was raped.” ~Greg
"Westeses breastes" (six syllables) ~Krissy
“Go Greg and his magical musical voice.” ~Wes
“That doesn’t rhyme because I’m white.” ~Greg
"He's my hero, except for the whole homosexual and suicidal part." ~Greg