merry christmas
so i'm sitting here and i'm sposed to be working on my methods section for my paper. but chere wants me to go to bed (or at least in my room) so they can finish preparing christmas stuff. which i'm perfectly fine with because to be honest i'm exhausted. but i'm trying to find some stuff for my paper and print it out. so at least i'll feel like i made some effort.
so today:
work from 8-5. was okay. naz was okay. took home the sara evans promo. just didnt feel like looking through the box and grabbing anything else.
then went and finished shopping. bought some candles and lotion for chere. then went to school, shower, and then home.
and then there was church. gah. the whole experience just makes me anxious. i just didnt want to be there. i just dont believe in the organized religion thing anymore. but most of my anxiety was probably because i just dont relate to any of those people anymore. plus i hate all the attention. and i ran into this guy whom i supposedly would chase around the basement of the church when i was 7 trying to kiss him. i dont remember. and i hate that it brings back memories. because they are pleasant. because it makes me feel like i'm missing something. and then i just hate being there. like it felt wrong to sing or pray...cuz i didnt mean any of it. it was empty. and to me, empty words are worse than no words at all...
then after church was my bday stuff. i'm very happy/surprised with what i got:
digital camera
total of $321
$50 gift card to old navy
justin timberlake calendar
butterfly porcelain doll
javier cd
edwin mccain cd
a christmas story dvd
and a bunch of other stuff...
and now i'm here
but i'm leaving...
so today:
work from 8-5. was okay. naz was okay. took home the sara evans promo. just didnt feel like looking through the box and grabbing anything else.
then went and finished shopping. bought some candles and lotion for chere. then went to school, shower, and then home.
and then there was church. gah. the whole experience just makes me anxious. i just didnt want to be there. i just dont believe in the organized religion thing anymore. but most of my anxiety was probably because i just dont relate to any of those people anymore. plus i hate all the attention. and i ran into this guy whom i supposedly would chase around the basement of the church when i was 7 trying to kiss him. i dont remember. and i hate that it brings back memories. because they are pleasant. because it makes me feel like i'm missing something. and then i just hate being there. like it felt wrong to sing or pray...cuz i didnt mean any of it. it was empty. and to me, empty words are worse than no words at all...
then after church was my bday stuff. i'm very happy/surprised with what i got:
digital camera
total of $321
$50 gift card to old navy
justin timberlake calendar
butterfly porcelain doll
javier cd
edwin mccain cd
a christmas story dvd
and a bunch of other stuff...
and now i'm here
but i'm leaving...