digression 3.6
i forgot to mention something the other day. i was eating dinner in the dining hall and this girl came over and sat on my lap and put her arm around me and starting patting me on the head. i turned around and gave her a strange look and she said, "oh, i'm sorry, i'm so-and-so, i thought you were someone else." BUT SHE CONTINUED TO SIT ON ME!
i was getting myself all depressed and regressing on my drive home from work today. i was just randomly thinking about freshman year and how different things are now. both good and bad. i have a great roomate but i have less free time. freshman year i had no car payments to make, i only had one job (and actually for one semester i had no job). i had time to just wander around campus with my friends talking. i made it to almost every on-campus movie in LH2. but the biggest difference is the absence of the closest relationship i ever had. and i've been thinking lately about how much i miss it. of course not with him. but i just miss having someone there who would come over if i was crying and make me tell him what was wrong. who would walk across campus with me and just sit on the steps and hold me and let me cry. someone who i hardly ever had to explain things to because he already knew. someone who i could say anything to. i havent been that close to someone since i ran away from him. since he didnt come chasing after me. and you think i'm kidding, but i literally jumped over a couch and ran across campus with another good friend chasing me saying, "you can't run away from your problems!" but i know that's it not because i havent had people that would be there for me. it's because of me. because last time i tried to run away before i ended up getting hurt. but it didnt work. because it hurt a lot. it hurt that he never noticed that i was gone. it hurt that he didnt come after me. so now it's like i dont even want to bother starting something. blah. because that was the strongest i've ever felt about someone. and we weren't even together...but that's another story.
i was getting myself all depressed and regressing on my drive home from work today. i was just randomly thinking about freshman year and how different things are now. both good and bad. i have a great roomate but i have less free time. freshman year i had no car payments to make, i only had one job (and actually for one semester i had no job). i had time to just wander around campus with my friends talking. i made it to almost every on-campus movie in LH2. but the biggest difference is the absence of the closest relationship i ever had. and i've been thinking lately about how much i miss it. of course not with him. but i just miss having someone there who would come over if i was crying and make me tell him what was wrong. who would walk across campus with me and just sit on the steps and hold me and let me cry. someone who i hardly ever had to explain things to because he already knew. someone who i could say anything to. i havent been that close to someone since i ran away from him. since he didnt come chasing after me. and you think i'm kidding, but i literally jumped over a couch and ran across campus with another good friend chasing me saying, "you can't run away from your problems!" but i know that's it not because i havent had people that would be there for me. it's because of me. because last time i tried to run away before i ended up getting hurt. but it didnt work. because it hurt a lot. it hurt that he never noticed that i was gone. it hurt that he didnt come after me. so now it's like i dont even want to bother starting something. blah. because that was the strongest i've ever felt about someone. and we weren't even together...but that's another story.