(no subject)
A note to myself in my own live journal:
Accounts of everyday life, everything meager, everything big, you know it all and you make me sad. Because writing stupid amounts in journals is supposed to make you feel better and more connected. But I have no reason for you, no reason to feed you, because all I do is rant for a public, a public that doesn't exist, and wouldn't understand if it did.
I know I cause trouble.
There are the days I wake up and feel like I cause everything to go wrong.
Lately I've had this helpless feeling inside like I'll never do anything good... EVER. I hate it, I hate not being able to be a good person. And worse, I couldn't define how to be a good person, even if I tried. But right now I know that nothing I do can get there, or informed. I don't want to be a bad piece of someone's life, but I can't stop feeling like that's what I'll end up being.
Once in my life,
I didn't really have friends, and its sad that it wasn't really that long ago, but what's worse is that I don't ever want to be alone, and yet I feel that I could only do the world so much better by being alone, not hurting other people.
God,
Today is one of those days.
Accounts of everyday life, everything meager, everything big, you know it all and you make me sad. Because writing stupid amounts in journals is supposed to make you feel better and more connected. But I have no reason for you, no reason to feed you, because all I do is rant for a public, a public that doesn't exist, and wouldn't understand if it did.
I know I cause trouble.
There are the days I wake up and feel like I cause everything to go wrong.
Lately I've had this helpless feeling inside like I'll never do anything good... EVER. I hate it, I hate not being able to be a good person. And worse, I couldn't define how to be a good person, even if I tried. But right now I know that nothing I do can get there, or informed. I don't want to be a bad piece of someone's life, but I can't stop feeling like that's what I'll end up being.
Once in my life,
I didn't really have friends, and its sad that it wasn't really that long ago, but what's worse is that I don't ever want to be alone, and yet I feel that I could only do the world so much better by being alone, not hurting other people.
God,
Today is one of those days.