(no subject)
Life isn't simple, isn't black and white, and my life seems to consistantly be me left in the dark. I wish I could show everyone how much I really care, but no one really seems to get that the greatest happiness I can get is by making others happy too. And maybe happiness is a lie, and maybe I am the fool, but I know that nothing comes better than if I could see everyone smile and be genuinely happy within. And I wish that you all could take the gifts I give, and not overlook the small things when I want to go big or go home. and I am a passive chicken who can't accomplish what they want, but it's really hard for me to declare that I ever REALLY want something. that's not to say I never really want anything, because I always do, but it's easier to not be selffish if I constantly try to be self-less. And this maybe wrong, and it probably is, but if I avoid conflict I avoid dissapointment. I don't want to get let down, but maybe just this once, I'll actually pursue, stand up and say what I want, because if all one of my friends needs is for me to be there for them, then dammit, I'll be there for him, I'll be there to help him out if ever he needs me, and I'll do my best to get him what he wants. Maybe I won't strike out, but dammit getting a walk to first base because all I get are balls or hit by the pitch, it's a long way to third base. If I never swing, I never miss, but I won't win the game, if it's even a game at all.