(no subject)
i cant wait for thi scool year to be over because well really i dont think ill be getting a BA
at least not an time soon because i truely hate school
and my hatred of school nd the stress of everything is causing me to be a shitface
im mean to the boy
i dont give him the loving he deserves because im always too tired
or depressed, or sore from life
and i know he hates me for it.
he gets so upset but i just dont want that right now you know what i mean?
i want a real job M-F
i want to lose 100 pounds cause ive gotten that big
i want my own place
i want my hair back
and i want it blonde again
i dont want to go to school for the rest of the semester
i dont even want to finish next semester to get my Associates
i think i kind o like being misserable but then agan i hate it
why am i always so negative?
i never used to be this way.
oh yeah so the big radio station u here ( FLY 92) does a disfunctional email every morning m-f at 9 am where people write in with problems they have in their life and the 3 DJS give their opinoin then people call in. well todays email was an 18 year old thats datin a 33 year old and shes all happy but shes afraid of her parents and crap, and i tried so hard to call in because it kind of sort of reminded me of me and matt and all that crazy shit. at the time i thought he was perfect. that he wasthe best friend ever. the sexin was good. and i thought we could be a thing but now i am so happy that became nothing because i have realized that i dont want to be with a man that much older than me. something is wrong in his brain that makes him immature to the point where he cants even get a woman his own age. Hes not a soon to be 30 year old. he is a 16 rebelious little boy. hes nasty and gross and im so ashamed of myself.
but then i also smile and i hate myself for it ecause, that part of my life was so gross and nasty and i cant believe the shit i did, and it all haunts me to this day. theres pictures i cant erase from y mind and things that happened that will burn in my brain for eternity and im disgusted.
so fuck matt. i havet spoken to him in almost a year.hes not man enough to be my friend.
i love my boo. i want to just cuddle with him forever and ever.
i dont want to fight and all that jazz
i seriously ned to get my act together.
this is the last christmas i get gifts from my family. so now my holidays will consist of pretty much nothing.
and ven though my family is doing thanksgiving this year i think me and the boo are doing my own.
he eve said hed help me cook for the two of us.
hes never cooked for me before so it better be good!
at least not an time soon because i truely hate school
and my hatred of school nd the stress of everything is causing me to be a shitface
im mean to the boy
i dont give him the loving he deserves because im always too tired
or depressed, or sore from life
and i know he hates me for it.
he gets so upset but i just dont want that right now you know what i mean?
i want a real job M-F
i want to lose 100 pounds cause ive gotten that big
i want my own place
i want my hair back
and i want it blonde again
i dont want to go to school for the rest of the semester
i dont even want to finish next semester to get my Associates
i think i kind o like being misserable but then agan i hate it
why am i always so negative?
i never used to be this way.
oh yeah so the big radio station u here ( FLY 92) does a disfunctional email every morning m-f at 9 am where people write in with problems they have in their life and the 3 DJS give their opinoin then people call in. well todays email was an 18 year old thats datin a 33 year old and shes all happy but shes afraid of her parents and crap, and i tried so hard to call in because it kind of sort of reminded me of me and matt and all that crazy shit. at the time i thought he was perfect. that he wasthe best friend ever. the sexin was good. and i thought we could be a thing but now i am so happy that became nothing because i have realized that i dont want to be with a man that much older than me. something is wrong in his brain that makes him immature to the point where he cants even get a woman his own age. Hes not a soon to be 30 year old. he is a 16 rebelious little boy. hes nasty and gross and im so ashamed of myself.
but then i also smile and i hate myself for it ecause, that part of my life was so gross and nasty and i cant believe the shit i did, and it all haunts me to this day. theres pictures i cant erase from y mind and things that happened that will burn in my brain for eternity and im disgusted.
so fuck matt. i havet spoken to him in almost a year.hes not man enough to be my friend.
i love my boo. i want to just cuddle with him forever and ever.
i dont want to fight and all that jazz
i seriously ned to get my act together.
this is the last christmas i get gifts from my family. so now my holidays will consist of pretty much nothing.
and ven though my family is doing thanksgiving this year i think me and the boo are doing my own.
he eve said hed help me cook for the two of us.
hes never cooked for me before so it better be good!