why my kid rocks (from feminist housewife to Q-patrol)
The man moves out tomorrow. He will be coming back next weekend to work on the house and will be working on it in the morning before he moves (yeah, we have the strangest post-relationship relationship ever). But the fact remains that I will be doing a great deal of the work simply because I will be here and he won't be. I am getting sick. We have been working so hard on getting rid of shit and cleaning carpets and repairing stuff that the general cleanliness of the house has fallen to hell. Hailey likes to call herself a "feminst housewife." Today I came home and the main bathroom was spotless, the kitchen was clean, the livingroom was picked up and the 3rd level was totally cleaned. The 3rd level had been TRASHED. Now it is perfect. Hailey did it all. Nobody asked her to. Right now she is vacuuming the stairs. Ani is on. Dinner is in the oven.
I came home from work and have been on the computer trying to work up the energy to do something, anything. In between working on stuff Hailey has been in here discussing her friends and how they are fucking up (drinking, drugs, sex and generally no focus at all), discussing feminism, discussing Hothead Paisan, discussing our east coast pals and discussing our plans for the future. I told her about Q-Patrol and how I want to join. At first she said she wasn't interested because she thought she was too "puny" to do it. I pointed out that I was punier. Now she is pumped. She is all about it. She imagines herself as a Hothead Paisan tromping around defending those that need defending. She is pumped for the training. She is pumped to meet thinking, activist people. She has been so angry and sad and frustrated over the harrassment that she has suffered (wolf whistles, being called a dyke (she likes the term just not from asshole, straight, white boys), etc, that she is feeling motivated to know that she can finally do something about it.
She is still working on starting the feminist, teen girl group. Jaz stopped helping so it kind of fell away for awhile, but Hailey is pretty determined to give it a shot. She wants to form a support/education group for girls who are struggling in this small town. She wants to talk about feminism, pro-choice issues, eating disorders, cutting and on it goes.
She is a great kid. I did good with her. I was so judged for my parenting, but it paid off. She has been exposed to SO MUCH. She has been around RADICAL feminist women. She has friends of all ages...up to 47. She knows what a vibrator is and how to use it. She has been thru the suicide of one of her dear friends and mentors. I never hid any of the sad and horrific details of that suicide from her. She reads Dworkin and Morgan and Allison. She thinks. She writes. She rages. She adores me. She tells me everything.
The only problem is that she feels so alone. Not many girls her age "get it." That loneliness builds up and sometimes he reacts in very "normal" ways. She gets so frustrated that she doesn't know where to put the rage. Yeah, she cuts. Yes, she has eating issues. Yes, sometimes she smokes pot. But she talks to me about all of it. There are no secrets. None. Not one.
We talk. I treat her like a HUMAN, not a child. That is the key. Honesty and mutual respect is what it is all about. I don't get parents you don't understand this. Look at my two teens. It works. Just fucking treat them like people.
Hailey talked to Jane the other day and Jane reminded her that she has a community...they are just far away, but at least she has them. Still it is hard when you are 15 and political when most girls your age are all about boys and drinking and clothes and diets (not that hailey isn't all about clothes...and girls. she is certainly girl crazy!!!). But you know what I mean. Hailey just can't relate to them when she talks on the phone and spends a week at a time with women who are so much older and amazing artists and feminist speakers and such. She goes to michfest and comes home completely unable to relate to anyone her own age.
Sometimes I worry that I shouldn't have raised her like this. Sometimes I think I should have raised her more mainstream so she would fit in better. I mentioned this to her and she was appalled. I also told her that if she wanted more friends she could certainly be more mainstream. She said, "Mom, I tried that, (she was wearing low cut pants and put her "big dyke t-shirt away for a while) but my brain is just not mainstream and it just didn't work. I would rather be alone then like them."
She is having a hell of a time, but she is powerful and getting more so by the day. I think she will be the next Alix Olson or Dorothy Allison. And she is cute as hell...she would want me to mention that!
I came home from work and have been on the computer trying to work up the energy to do something, anything. In between working on stuff Hailey has been in here discussing her friends and how they are fucking up (drinking, drugs, sex and generally no focus at all), discussing feminism, discussing Hothead Paisan, discussing our east coast pals and discussing our plans for the future. I told her about Q-Patrol and how I want to join. At first she said she wasn't interested because she thought she was too "puny" to do it. I pointed out that I was punier. Now she is pumped. She is all about it. She imagines herself as a Hothead Paisan tromping around defending those that need defending. She is pumped for the training. She is pumped to meet thinking, activist people. She has been so angry and sad and frustrated over the harrassment that she has suffered (wolf whistles, being called a dyke (she likes the term just not from asshole, straight, white boys), etc, that she is feeling motivated to know that she can finally do something about it.
She is still working on starting the feminist, teen girl group. Jaz stopped helping so it kind of fell away for awhile, but Hailey is pretty determined to give it a shot. She wants to form a support/education group for girls who are struggling in this small town. She wants to talk about feminism, pro-choice issues, eating disorders, cutting and on it goes.
She is a great kid. I did good with her. I was so judged for my parenting, but it paid off. She has been exposed to SO MUCH. She has been around RADICAL feminist women. She has friends of all ages...up to 47. She knows what a vibrator is and how to use it. She has been thru the suicide of one of her dear friends and mentors. I never hid any of the sad and horrific details of that suicide from her. She reads Dworkin and Morgan and Allison. She thinks. She writes. She rages. She adores me. She tells me everything.
The only problem is that she feels so alone. Not many girls her age "get it." That loneliness builds up and sometimes he reacts in very "normal" ways. She gets so frustrated that she doesn't know where to put the rage. Yeah, she cuts. Yes, she has eating issues. Yes, sometimes she smokes pot. But she talks to me about all of it. There are no secrets. None. Not one.
We talk. I treat her like a HUMAN, not a child. That is the key. Honesty and mutual respect is what it is all about. I don't get parents you don't understand this. Look at my two teens. It works. Just fucking treat them like people.
Hailey talked to Jane the other day and Jane reminded her that she has a community...they are just far away, but at least she has them. Still it is hard when you are 15 and political when most girls your age are all about boys and drinking and clothes and diets (not that hailey isn't all about clothes...and girls. she is certainly girl crazy!!!). But you know what I mean. Hailey just can't relate to them when she talks on the phone and spends a week at a time with women who are so much older and amazing artists and feminist speakers and such. She goes to michfest and comes home completely unable to relate to anyone her own age.
Sometimes I worry that I shouldn't have raised her like this. Sometimes I think I should have raised her more mainstream so she would fit in better. I mentioned this to her and she was appalled. I also told her that if she wanted more friends she could certainly be more mainstream. She said, "Mom, I tried that, (she was wearing low cut pants and put her "big dyke t-shirt away for a while) but my brain is just not mainstream and it just didn't work. I would rather be alone then like them."
She is having a hell of a time, but she is powerful and getting more so by the day. I think she will be the next Alix Olson or Dorothy Allison. And she is cute as hell...she would want me to mention that!