Started my period today

[mslilly]

Um, so things are not going well for me, which is weird because most of the point of this e-mail is that in the mundane world, things are going too well. I'm in a very weird and difficult headspace right now, some of it possibly brought on by reading The Mists of Avalon, but a lot of it is just related to me and who I am

Comments

Thanks.

[mslilly]

You might never know how helpful this was. I know it was frightening and risky for you to write out, but it triggered my comprehension of what I'm really doing. In a way, you only mirrored back to me what I've already said. But in a much bigger way, you made yourself vulnerable by reminding me that there's something wrong about having a baby as a surrogate, and I do not have the freedom to choose to do inappropriate things when another life is at stake.

Below I responded to rainy_kate with a full-on explanation of what's happening; please read it. I don't want to copy it all up here because I'm still a lazy slob. I hit reply to her first, so she got the first vomit of it. I wanted to give you a more thought-out response.

But. Thank you. I don't have the answer to, "should I have a baby?" but I have a peace that the answer doesn't matter, and if I decide to have a baby, so be it. And if I decide not to, so be that, too.

Thanks also for being willing to do it in a written forum. I don't know how I could have responded IRL; as it was, my reaction caught me by surprise and frightened me into really considering what your words and my response meant. I probably would have stuffed that if faced with this IRL.

Re: Thanks.

[tabbyfoo]

I don't think I could have been this coherent in person, anyway. I like to be able to really consider what I'm saying when it's important. And of course, you, and your happiness, are important. :)