watch me flounder from one topic to another.
When I was in first year high school, I was so sure of what I wanted to do with my life. I had a frikkin 10-year plan. Grown-ups would ask me what I wanted to do and I would answer "become a lawyer" without a second thought. So then the adults would get intrigued by the cocky kid standing in front of them, all confident, determination naively shining in her eyes. They would ask more questions: where do you want to study law? Where are you planning to take the bar? Harvard, I'd say, and I'd want to take the bar in NYC. Then they'd just laugh and say "good for you."
As I got older, the comments and questions became more detailed and realistic, almost as if the adults asking me thought that since I was getting older, it was okay to gradually erode my dreams. Did you know that Harvard law costs $100,000 per year? Did you know that Ivy League schools hardly accept people whom they don't ask for? Other than those they go after, the other people accepted are those with exemplary grades and an active extra-curricular life. Do you have exemplary grades and an active extra-curricular life? Did you know that the NYC bar exam is one of the hardest bar exams to pass in the whole world?
So yeah, the Harvard Plan pretty much went out the window and I became open to taking the bar in more than one state.
And that was just in high school, when it was still easy to fool myself into thinking that I had the world at the palm of my hand. All this changed, of course, when I got to college.
Let me explain how I feel about my school:
I love my school. I love the campus, I love the wonderful people that I've met there, I love a lot of the classes that I've taken, I love my course there and I love that it's a whole other world. I love all the different ideas and ideologies that I learn about there and the so many ways of thinking and how the diversity opens up your eyes to so many things. But there are also a million things I hate about it. I hate the sweltering heat and utter lack of air-conditioners during the summer. I hate when it's raining and I have to walk from one side of the campus to the other. I hate that there are so many brats there who think they can get away with whatever they want. I hate that it has the most expensive units in the whole country. I hate the system that as long as you have a high QPI, you are an honor student. It doesn't matter if you didn't learn anything, it doesn't matter if college hasn't changed your life. The end grade always, always justifies the means.
And with all of that being experienced all at the same time, it's not surprising that someone will get confused. Sometimes I just wanna disappear from the world forever just because I feel overloaded already, and don't really wanna face the real world, just because everyone keeps telling me it gets harder and harder from here.
Now I'm here, about to start my junior year and I'm panicking. I might not have enough time to finish my minoring so that I can graduate on time, and it looks like I'm gonna have to do some serious burning of the midnight oil. I still don't know if I wanna push through with law school, despite the years of hyping myself up and research and the fact that that's the reason that I'm minoring in lit in the first place, or if I wanna do something like travel for a year before I even apply for anything. Talking to my mom has proved useless, because she just ends up on her repetitive, endless tirade of how I'm so much smarter than the people I went to high school with or that she had a 4 flat GPA when she was in college, in hopes of inspiring me. I know you mean well mom but get over it. And my dad just pretty much leaves it up to me.
Clearly, I am freaking out. But hey, two years is a long time. A lot can happen in 730 days/17520 hours/1051200 minutes/63072000 seconds (I computed that myself! i remember the formula!) Who knows, I may be doing all this planning when in fact, I'm destined to do heavy intravenous drugs, get knocked up at age 20, drop out of school, marry some loser named Jhun-Jhun and put up a sweat shop for fake Zara shoes with all 20 of my children working for me.
You know what they say, dream big!
----------------
So since we all need a distraction from the impending doom of summer, and the upcoming harsh dropping back down into reality, here're some afternoon crumbs c/o Dlisted.com, which is where I spent three hours of my day today.
Get your very own Paul Rudd on your screen! Watch it here. - so cute! and a bit disturbed. hahahaha.
I love Fantasia but she really is starting to look like Ronald McDonald.
So Lindsay Lohan is a lesbian now? Sheesh.
Because Dunkin Donuts is a terrorist favorite. Stop making everything such a big deal!
Lill Kim's original face is forever dead. Goodbye, Lil' Kim's original face. You weren't that great to begin with but I sure as hell liked you better than her new, eats-babies-while-the-parents-aren't-looking one.
Okay I'm gonna go to something more productive now. Like... I dunno, watch FRIENDS maybe.
As I got older, the comments and questions became more detailed and realistic, almost as if the adults asking me thought that since I was getting older, it was okay to gradually erode my dreams. Did you know that Harvard law costs $100,000 per year? Did you know that Ivy League schools hardly accept people whom they don't ask for? Other than those they go after, the other people accepted are those with exemplary grades and an active extra-curricular life. Do you have exemplary grades and an active extra-curricular life? Did you know that the NYC bar exam is one of the hardest bar exams to pass in the whole world?
So yeah, the Harvard Plan pretty much went out the window and I became open to taking the bar in more than one state.
And that was just in high school, when it was still easy to fool myself into thinking that I had the world at the palm of my hand. All this changed, of course, when I got to college.
Let me explain how I feel about my school:
I love my school. I love the campus, I love the wonderful people that I've met there, I love a lot of the classes that I've taken, I love my course there and I love that it's a whole other world. I love all the different ideas and ideologies that I learn about there and the so many ways of thinking and how the diversity opens up your eyes to so many things. But there are also a million things I hate about it. I hate the sweltering heat and utter lack of air-conditioners during the summer. I hate when it's raining and I have to walk from one side of the campus to the other. I hate that there are so many brats there who think they can get away with whatever they want. I hate that it has the most expensive units in the whole country. I hate the system that as long as you have a high QPI, you are an honor student. It doesn't matter if you didn't learn anything, it doesn't matter if college hasn't changed your life. The end grade always, always justifies the means.
And with all of that being experienced all at the same time, it's not surprising that someone will get confused. Sometimes I just wanna disappear from the world forever just because I feel overloaded already, and don't really wanna face the real world, just because everyone keeps telling me it gets harder and harder from here.
Now I'm here, about to start my junior year and I'm panicking. I might not have enough time to finish my minoring so that I can graduate on time, and it looks like I'm gonna have to do some serious burning of the midnight oil. I still don't know if I wanna push through with law school, despite the years of hyping myself up and research and the fact that that's the reason that I'm minoring in lit in the first place, or if I wanna do something like travel for a year before I even apply for anything. Talking to my mom has proved useless, because she just ends up on her repetitive, endless tirade of how I'm so much smarter than the people I went to high school with or that she had a 4 flat GPA when she was in college, in hopes of inspiring me. I know you mean well mom but get over it. And my dad just pretty much leaves it up to me.
Clearly, I am freaking out. But hey, two years is a long time. A lot can happen in 730 days/17520 hours/1051200 minutes/63072000 seconds (I computed that myself! i remember the formula!) Who knows, I may be doing all this planning when in fact, I'm destined to do heavy intravenous drugs, get knocked up at age 20, drop out of school, marry some loser named Jhun-Jhun and put up a sweat shop for fake Zara shoes with all 20 of my children working for me.
You know what they say, dream big!
----------------
So since we all need a distraction from the impending doom of summer, and the upcoming harsh dropping back down into reality, here're some afternoon crumbs c/o Dlisted.com, which is where I spent three hours of my day today.
Get your very own Paul Rudd on your screen! Watch it here. - so cute! and a bit disturbed. hahahaha.
I love Fantasia but she really is starting to look like Ronald McDonald.
So Lindsay Lohan is a lesbian now? Sheesh.
Because Dunkin Donuts is a terrorist favorite. Stop making everything such a big deal!
Lill Kim's original face is forever dead. Goodbye, Lil' Kim's original face. You weren't that great to begin with but I sure as hell liked you better than her new, eats-babies-while-the-parents-aren't-looking one.
Okay I'm gonna go to something more productive now. Like... I dunno, watch FRIENDS maybe.