Letters To The Long Forgotten
It's the 7th. I didn't even really realize what time of the year it was until someone said it outright. It's the 7th, which means that it's been exactly 4 years. But who's counting, right?
I don't know why I'm writing to you. I just kind of felt like I had to.
Do I feel sadness? Not really. Nostalgia? Sort of. Regret? Yeah. Yeah, maybe regret.
I regret that we let it get that bad. I regret allowing you to hurt me, and allowing myself to hurt you. I regret ever having been the source of your pain. I regret not having the courage to end it sooner.
I regret not trying, hard as I could, to remember how good it was when the going got tough. And I regret, most of all, not letting you go sooner after you finally got up the courage to leave. I missed so many things cos I was too busy crying in the parking lot of Ateneo or staring off into space in the caf. I regret letting my fear and insecurity and doubt get in the way of being myself around guys that I genuinely liked. I missed the big picture for so long because I was putting every single detail, every single moment, under a microscope. I regret allowing my bitterness to get a hold of me and define who I am, who I was, and who I wanted to be. I missed so many moments to feel truly infinite because I was too busy crying and whining about what I had lost.
Four years ago, I thought the world was coming to an end. But that's really how it's like when your first love ends, isn't it?
I hope you're really, really happy, cause I'm really, really happy. And I think we both deserve the happiness that we couldn't find in each other. Don't you agree?
I feel a little silly, really, writing like this as if it still meant anything at all. But it means something to me, you know? Just because I've moved on doesn't mean I want to pretend that it didn't happen.
For a long time, the thought of relationships and commitment gave me such heebie jeebies that I sent it out to the universe: I hate relationships! I'd rather be single forever than deal with drama ever again! But today, I actually feel like I'm ready. Not for the high school drama or the craziness that we had; I'm ready for the right kind of love, the right kind of passion, the right kind of crazy. I think I'm actually really to tell the universe that my heart has begun to beat again.
I hope you're having a good life. We both deserve it.
I don't know why I'm writing to you. I just kind of felt like I had to.
Do I feel sadness? Not really. Nostalgia? Sort of. Regret? Yeah. Yeah, maybe regret.
I regret that we let it get that bad. I regret allowing you to hurt me, and allowing myself to hurt you. I regret ever having been the source of your pain. I regret not having the courage to end it sooner.
I regret not trying, hard as I could, to remember how good it was when the going got tough. And I regret, most of all, not letting you go sooner after you finally got up the courage to leave. I missed so many things cos I was too busy crying in the parking lot of Ateneo or staring off into space in the caf. I regret letting my fear and insecurity and doubt get in the way of being myself around guys that I genuinely liked. I missed the big picture for so long because I was putting every single detail, every single moment, under a microscope. I regret allowing my bitterness to get a hold of me and define who I am, who I was, and who I wanted to be. I missed so many moments to feel truly infinite because I was too busy crying and whining about what I had lost.
Four years ago, I thought the world was coming to an end. But that's really how it's like when your first love ends, isn't it?
I hope you're really, really happy, cause I'm really, really happy. And I think we both deserve the happiness that we couldn't find in each other. Don't you agree?
I feel a little silly, really, writing like this as if it still meant anything at all. But it means something to me, you know? Just because I've moved on doesn't mean I want to pretend that it didn't happen.
For a long time, the thought of relationships and commitment gave me such heebie jeebies that I sent it out to the universe: I hate relationships! I'd rather be single forever than deal with drama ever again! But today, I actually feel like I'm ready. Not for the high school drama or the craziness that we had; I'm ready for the right kind of love, the right kind of passion, the right kind of crazy. I think I'm actually really to tell the universe that my heart has begun to beat again.
I hope you're having a good life. We both deserve it.