Saying Goodbye.
Woke up this morning with The Book of Love (as sung by Peter Gabriel) stuck in my head. It's one of those songs that always makes me cry, no matter what the circumstances.
When I got to work I found out that one of my coworkers, who has had cancer for a while now, took a bad turn over the weekend and probably isn't coming back out of it.
We have never been close, but I can't stop thinking about her. I can't visit, because I've been having weird small respiratory issues. It's probably allergies or a small cold, but for her it could be really lethal, and I'm not going to risk that.
It's like watching my mom die all over again, and it's the most horrible thing in the world. Only this time, it's not my mom, and she's only 39, and I don't know her well enough for my freak-out to be appropriate. I went and sat on the roof during lunch and called my brother and just cried at him. As much as he's the last person who could ever actually help, he's also the only one who lost the same mom as me, so he gets it, even if he doesn't say anything. I know he understands.
This has been the most heartbreaking eight or nine months at work. My boss's dad died, another coworker's mother died, another coworker's sister died, another coworker's mom and uncle have both been diagnosed with cancer... and now this.
I just want to go home and hug Jack and my dogs and my cats and not come back here today or tomorrow or ever, but I can't do that. Everyone is crying. Everyone is exhausted. Half my department is at the hospital.
I just want today to be over.
Click to viewWhen I got to work I found out that one of my coworkers, who has had cancer for a while now, took a bad turn over the weekend and probably isn't coming back out of it.
We have never been close, but I can't stop thinking about her. I can't visit, because I've been having weird small respiratory issues. It's probably allergies or a small cold, but for her it could be really lethal, and I'm not going to risk that.
It's like watching my mom die all over again, and it's the most horrible thing in the world. Only this time, it's not my mom, and she's only 39, and I don't know her well enough for my freak-out to be appropriate. I went and sat on the roof during lunch and called my brother and just cried at him. As much as he's the last person who could ever actually help, he's also the only one who lost the same mom as me, so he gets it, even if he doesn't say anything. I know he understands.
This has been the most heartbreaking eight or nine months at work. My boss's dad died, another coworker's mother died, another coworker's sister died, another coworker's mom and uncle have both been diagnosed with cancer... and now this.
I just want to go home and hug Jack and my dogs and my cats and not come back here today or tomorrow or ever, but I can't do that. Everyone is crying. Everyone is exhausted. Half my department is at the hospital.
I just want today to be over.