Bowling Monday
Today was another good day, featuring 3 games of bowling after school. I had a blast, Bowling Mondays are looking like a weekly tradition to me. I couldn't help but laugh at myself when I randomly went rambling across Bir's lane with no apparent purpose. The bowling group is awesome, but I don't like cliques, so more people should come! Caroline and I went tanning after that. Much to my surprise, I saw a fellow senior guy signing up for tanning when I came out of the booth...I'm not going to say whom because he might not want people to know, but needless to say I was shocked, especially for who the person was!
I've gotten two (good) comments on my humor so far, so I've decided that tonight shall be Biology Joke Night. Behold, my friends, yet more science-related humor to tickle your funny bone:
(You gotta admit, this one is FUNNY:
The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
***
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
***
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
***
How do you eat a DNA spaghetti?
With a replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers...)
***
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
***
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
***
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
***
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"
***
How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
***
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
***
I know I have at least 2 fans out there...I hope you guys liked those!
I made the horrendous mistake of taking a two hour nap, waking up at 10:30. Now I'm thoroughly wired and will be awake till at least 2! Oh well, I suppose I could always play KOTOR 2 until I get tired of it...which is never!
Somehow, Mrs. Scharre told me today in the library that she had a college degree. I didn't ask, but she told me. Now, I have nothing against librarians. The world needs them and they do a great job...but why be a librarian when you have a degree? Surely ANY degree could get you a better job than librarian! She must really enjoy playing book Nazi and kicking kids out...
Anyways, I'm going to go play a geeky video game until my eyes bleed. Or until I get tired. Whichver comes first.
K bye!
I've gotten two (good) comments on my humor so far, so I've decided that tonight shall be Biology Joke Night. Behold, my friends, yet more science-related humor to tickle your funny bone:
(You gotta admit, this one is FUNNY:
The teacher asks, "Jessica, what part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
Jessica blushes and says, "That's disgusting, I won't even answer that question."
The teacher calls on Johnny: "What part of the human body increases ten times when excited?"
"That's easy," says Johnny. "It's the pupil of the eye."
"Very good, Johnny," responds the teacher. "That's correct."
She then turns to Jessica and says, "First, you didn't made your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, you're in for a BIG disappointment."
***
A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother, "How was I born?"
"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother, "the stork brought you to us."
"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"
"Oh, the stork brought us too."
"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.
"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother, by now starting to squirm a little.
Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence: "This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."
***
How do you tell the difference between boys and girls?
Take their genes down.
***
How do you eat a DNA spaghetti?
With a replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers...)
***
One day the zoo-keeper noticed that the orangutan was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species. In surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those books"?
"Well," said the orangutan, "I just wanted to know if I was my brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
***
A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and his Personal Psychic Advisor tells him: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."
The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?"
"No," says his Advisor, "in her biology class."
***
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?"
The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world."
The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations."
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say... 'LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
***
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk and walked out the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn't know every student's name, so as the student reached the door the professor called, "Mister, what's your name?"
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, "You guess, buddy! You guess!"
***
How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
***
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
***
I know I have at least 2 fans out there...I hope you guys liked those!
I made the horrendous mistake of taking a two hour nap, waking up at 10:30. Now I'm thoroughly wired and will be awake till at least 2! Oh well, I suppose I could always play KOTOR 2 until I get tired of it...which is never!
Somehow, Mrs. Scharre told me today in the library that she had a college degree. I didn't ask, but she told me. Now, I have nothing against librarians. The world needs them and they do a great job...but why be a librarian when you have a degree? Surely ANY degree could get you a better job than librarian! She must really enjoy playing book Nazi and kicking kids out...
Anyways, I'm going to go play a geeky video game until my eyes bleed. Or until I get tired. Whichver comes first.
K bye!