Real life drama, ignore and continue on.
I needed to write this somewhere and I guess it's here.
This year has been quite a bummer. The whole SMAP saga that really has been going on since January has sucked. These latest developments have sucked.
But that's not really what's made this year suck. I am not the type of person that goes around saying, 'this year is the worst year ever'. I like to think that each year is better than the last. We get a chance to build on experiences and grow and gain even more from life, each year is supposed to be better than the last.
I'm really doubting I'm going to say that in a few months. I have 4 months to change things for the better, at least the things I can control... it's the things that I can't control that have made this year not so great.
The smallest of which is SMAP. Ever since January I've distanced myself. I don't watch SMAPxSMAP anymore (too painful) and tend to only catch Pussuma if an episode looks interesting. The only consistent thing I do is wake up at 5AM to listen to SMAP Power Splash. I went into self preservation mode - afraid that the worst would happen and SMAP would be over so it'd be best to distance myself. I guess the worst may be happening with the next year.
This isn't anything I can change though. It sucks because no matter what has happened, J&A has treated them like shit publicly and have the gall to pretend like they've done no wrong. All the love KinKi Kids were giving SMAP I was really tempted to look into them - but sorry, no one else at J&A is getting any of my money. There are plenty of other groups that I can enjoy. And if I really feel like I need my 'boy band' fix, I can go back and revisit all the non-J&A groups from middle school that I listened to (w-inds, DA PUMP, Lead) and any newer groups like Da-ICE or GENERATIONS.
But outside of that - real life... Wow. I'm just going to bullet point this.
- Been sick about half the year, I still think there's something wrong with me but I need to find a doctor that will listen to me.
- My sister is making really... questionable live choices. It's just now hitting me how bad this has hurt me. She was like my best friend until I realized she wasn't and really. I feel like I've lost a sister. She's a heartless stranger that I wouldn't associate with if we weren't related. I don't even want to associate with her anymore. It's been about a decade of this and I guess I kept thinking she'd get better but it's only gotten worse.
- My grandfather passed away this weekend. We knew it was coming, we've known it was coming for awhile, but he kept managing to hold on... Kind of made you think he was invincible. You know?
I'm okay. I'm worried for my mom, but she seems better than I expected. I think what's the hardest part of it is how absent my sister is. She was totally my grandpa's favorite... I don't even think she's going to make a real effort to attend his funeral. I'm just really glad he didn't know what's been going on with her.
- Career suckage. I'm not where I want to be, I keep holding on because of how I was raised and the pressures of society. I got a 'good job' because it pays well but it isn't what I want and I've known that and I've been suffering because so much of my self is about what I do. And what I do? Let's just say I can't feel proud of it and I don't even get to learn about what I want to learn about.
So really - out of everything that has sucked this year, I can only change 1 - an that's my job. I've been hitting coding pretty hard lately. I want to finish up some projects for portoflio and start my major push on job applications on 9/9 because - you know. SMAP is everything <3 and I would love to use that date to springboard this year into a great year.
This year has been quite a bummer. The whole SMAP saga that really has been going on since January has sucked. These latest developments have sucked.
But that's not really what's made this year suck. I am not the type of person that goes around saying, 'this year is the worst year ever'. I like to think that each year is better than the last. We get a chance to build on experiences and grow and gain even more from life, each year is supposed to be better than the last.
I'm really doubting I'm going to say that in a few months. I have 4 months to change things for the better, at least the things I can control... it's the things that I can't control that have made this year not so great.
The smallest of which is SMAP. Ever since January I've distanced myself. I don't watch SMAPxSMAP anymore (too painful) and tend to only catch Pussuma if an episode looks interesting. The only consistent thing I do is wake up at 5AM to listen to SMAP Power Splash. I went into self preservation mode - afraid that the worst would happen and SMAP would be over so it'd be best to distance myself. I guess the worst may be happening with the next year.
This isn't anything I can change though. It sucks because no matter what has happened, J&A has treated them like shit publicly and have the gall to pretend like they've done no wrong. All the love KinKi Kids were giving SMAP I was really tempted to look into them - but sorry, no one else at J&A is getting any of my money. There are plenty of other groups that I can enjoy. And if I really feel like I need my 'boy band' fix, I can go back and revisit all the non-J&A groups from middle school that I listened to (w-inds, DA PUMP, Lead) and any newer groups like Da-ICE or GENERATIONS.
But outside of that - real life... Wow. I'm just going to bullet point this.
- Been sick about half the year, I still think there's something wrong with me but I need to find a doctor that will listen to me.
- My sister is making really... questionable live choices. It's just now hitting me how bad this has hurt me. She was like my best friend until I realized she wasn't and really. I feel like I've lost a sister. She's a heartless stranger that I wouldn't associate with if we weren't related. I don't even want to associate with her anymore. It's been about a decade of this and I guess I kept thinking she'd get better but it's only gotten worse.
- My grandfather passed away this weekend. We knew it was coming, we've known it was coming for awhile, but he kept managing to hold on... Kind of made you think he was invincible. You know?
I'm okay. I'm worried for my mom, but she seems better than I expected. I think what's the hardest part of it is how absent my sister is. She was totally my grandpa's favorite... I don't even think she's going to make a real effort to attend his funeral. I'm just really glad he didn't know what's been going on with her.
- Career suckage. I'm not where I want to be, I keep holding on because of how I was raised and the pressures of society. I got a 'good job' because it pays well but it isn't what I want and I've known that and I've been suffering because so much of my self is about what I do. And what I do? Let's just say I can't feel proud of it and I don't even get to learn about what I want to learn about.
So really - out of everything that has sucked this year, I can only change 1 - an that's my job. I've been hitting coding pretty hard lately. I want to finish up some projects for portoflio and start my major push on job applications on 9/9 because - you know. SMAP is everything <3 and I would love to use that date to springboard this year into a great year.