If it hurts, that means it's working
Interpret that title however you will, it's true in so many cases. Except like... broken bones. And various things like that when you realize that statement is just stupid. I almost typed retarded, which IS NOT THE WORD TO USE FOR STUPID. And if you're GOING to use "retarded," please spell it CORRECTLY and not "retarted," because no one is being pelted by tarts again.
Getting off subject.
Actually. At the time I wrote the subject it seemed brilliant and now I realize I cannot word it, but I do believe that those of you who read it and think of it, will realize emotionally that statement can be true. CAN BE. Not always. No statement is ever true always, for this world is in shades of grey and never black and white.
What words can I give as Springbreak draws to a close for many of us. What can I tell people now as we head fast towards, again for many of us, the last years of our "childhood."
It feels like we've spun out of control. We were laughing together and having fun, being serious with our lives and working hard, screaming out for some form of human companionship and crying into the night, clasping tight to at least one person and having at least one sole person you could put your trust, life, and emotions into. This is to those nights when you walked home alone in the dark and were frightened for many reasons (I justify mine perfectly), to those times when you felt so safe with someone that you could never think of anyone else being this close to you, to when you laughed so hard with your friends that you couldn't breathe, cried, and felt sore because of it, to being let down, to being brought back up, to being in the dark and flooded with light, to sneaking around, to being caught, to loving, to hurting, to feeling uncomfortable, to feeling alive, to the one person who's seen you naked (emotionally or physically), to the one person you regret, to the happiness, to the sorrow, to the late nights, to the early mornings.
In all of this, we've lost control. Our lives are heading in a direction we may have never thought of. We've lost control of who will be our companions, where we will go to carry out our dreams, where we will go to carry out what must be done and leave dreams behind. We've lost control of what we want to what we can get to what we need. Lost control of our sense of time. The urgency builds and builds, until we hit a manic state, breaking under the pressure of, "Oh my God I HAVE to figure this out NOW." Now. Now. Now. Now. Future. Now. Past. Now. Nothing is ahead and nothing is behind because it's all being crumbled into a huge ball of NOW as we desperately try to plot out our courses, make back up plans, predict a fall back and rise out of the ashes. We wish we could plan the money problems and emotional crises that may or may not bloom in our lives.
We are growing up. The frontal lobes of our brains form and hormones and chemicals release into our bodies and we can't help. but. fight. it. all. For those of you who are like me, who are those Toys R Us kids, those Lost Boys kids, the Neverland Peter Pan children, who never want to grow up and may never will, are finding life ever more frightening. Ever more pressuring and pushy. Make up your mind now! That's what life is doing. Quick! Your heading straight for insanity! Decisions! Life! Now! Everything is about the rush. All of you feel it. All of you feel the last years coming up, the sand slipping through your tightly closed fists. We try to ignore it. But sooner or later it comes up to devour our minds and we sit there biting our fingers with worry lines creasing our foreheads as we go, "What am I going to do?" Not only in the future, but with your present state. It calls for depression to set in.
We desperately scratch and try to hold on to the cliff we're about to go off of as we try to deal with these years, these emotions, these situations. Some of you have grown beyond your years. Some of you are just now catching up. Some of you, like me, are growing even more beyond your years. We feel like crying.
When it comes right down to it, to these last years, we feel like crying. We're slipping away. We're leaving everything we felt safe with. Strip away the knowledge and the maturity we have to cover up our emotions, and all you will see is that you at the age of 5, clutching to a blanket or stuffed animal or hand, as tears well up in your eyes and you just run to a corner and cry.
This is what's happening.
I hear this whole deal of vintage, and 80s, and what not. Don't get me wrong, because I love the old things we had when we were kids and they're popular again, but isn't it just a pacifier? Not only to us, but to older generations? It's another thing thrown at us that reminds us how old we really are and how long it's been and how fast that seems to have gone away.
The say, as you grow older, everything goes faster.
I'm trying hard to hold on to the clock and slow down those hands. Maybe even turn them back.
As depressing as this has all been, it's exciting. Newer, better things laid out in front of us and our eyes as wide as saucers looking at it all. The excitement we'll feel when we get our first apartment/house that belongs to US. The excitement of being independent. Getting a paycheck and knowing it's YOURS.
A powerful, powerful feeling.
We just need to learn to slow down... If we aren't being sped on and out of control entirely already.
Nostalgia is a constant emotion to me now.
As I said, if it hurts, it's working.
Getting off subject.
Actually. At the time I wrote the subject it seemed brilliant and now I realize I cannot word it, but I do believe that those of you who read it and think of it, will realize emotionally that statement can be true. CAN BE. Not always. No statement is ever true always, for this world is in shades of grey and never black and white.
What words can I give as Springbreak draws to a close for many of us. What can I tell people now as we head fast towards, again for many of us, the last years of our "childhood."
It feels like we've spun out of control. We were laughing together and having fun, being serious with our lives and working hard, screaming out for some form of human companionship and crying into the night, clasping tight to at least one person and having at least one sole person you could put your trust, life, and emotions into. This is to those nights when you walked home alone in the dark and were frightened for many reasons (I justify mine perfectly), to those times when you felt so safe with someone that you could never think of anyone else being this close to you, to when you laughed so hard with your friends that you couldn't breathe, cried, and felt sore because of it, to being let down, to being brought back up, to being in the dark and flooded with light, to sneaking around, to being caught, to loving, to hurting, to feeling uncomfortable, to feeling alive, to the one person who's seen you naked (emotionally or physically), to the one person you regret, to the happiness, to the sorrow, to the late nights, to the early mornings.
In all of this, we've lost control. Our lives are heading in a direction we may have never thought of. We've lost control of who will be our companions, where we will go to carry out our dreams, where we will go to carry out what must be done and leave dreams behind. We've lost control of what we want to what we can get to what we need. Lost control of our sense of time. The urgency builds and builds, until we hit a manic state, breaking under the pressure of, "Oh my God I HAVE to figure this out NOW." Now. Now. Now. Now. Future. Now. Past. Now. Nothing is ahead and nothing is behind because it's all being crumbled into a huge ball of NOW as we desperately try to plot out our courses, make back up plans, predict a fall back and rise out of the ashes. We wish we could plan the money problems and emotional crises that may or may not bloom in our lives.
We are growing up. The frontal lobes of our brains form and hormones and chemicals release into our bodies and we can't help. but. fight. it. all. For those of you who are like me, who are those Toys R Us kids, those Lost Boys kids, the Neverland Peter Pan children, who never want to grow up and may never will, are finding life ever more frightening. Ever more pressuring and pushy. Make up your mind now! That's what life is doing. Quick! Your heading straight for insanity! Decisions! Life! Now! Everything is about the rush. All of you feel it. All of you feel the last years coming up, the sand slipping through your tightly closed fists. We try to ignore it. But sooner or later it comes up to devour our minds and we sit there biting our fingers with worry lines creasing our foreheads as we go, "What am I going to do?" Not only in the future, but with your present state. It calls for depression to set in.
We desperately scratch and try to hold on to the cliff we're about to go off of as we try to deal with these years, these emotions, these situations. Some of you have grown beyond your years. Some of you are just now catching up. Some of you, like me, are growing even more beyond your years. We feel like crying.
When it comes right down to it, to these last years, we feel like crying. We're slipping away. We're leaving everything we felt safe with. Strip away the knowledge and the maturity we have to cover up our emotions, and all you will see is that you at the age of 5, clutching to a blanket or stuffed animal or hand, as tears well up in your eyes and you just run to a corner and cry.
This is what's happening.
I hear this whole deal of vintage, and 80s, and what not. Don't get me wrong, because I love the old things we had when we were kids and they're popular again, but isn't it just a pacifier? Not only to us, but to older generations? It's another thing thrown at us that reminds us how old we really are and how long it's been and how fast that seems to have gone away.
The say, as you grow older, everything goes faster.
I'm trying hard to hold on to the clock and slow down those hands. Maybe even turn them back.
As depressing as this has all been, it's exciting. Newer, better things laid out in front of us and our eyes as wide as saucers looking at it all. The excitement we'll feel when we get our first apartment/house that belongs to US. The excitement of being independent. Getting a paycheck and knowing it's YOURS.
A powerful, powerful feeling.
We just need to learn to slow down... If we aren't being sped on and out of control entirely already.
Nostalgia is a constant emotion to me now.
As I said, if it hurts, it's working.