Lights Camera... Inaction!
An hour ago during physics lecture I had this amazing and overwhelming desire to run out of the classroom, off of campus, out of LA, out of this life and onto this big beautiful stage where a cast, crew and audience were just waiting for me to come back to them, as if I'd been there all along. It was the strangest feeling; it seemed so do-able! But instead I just sat there and tuned out, and played the fantasy in my head. I was performing in a musical that was making a difference. That was what everybody felt inside but couldn't formulate into words or action on their own. Man, if only..
I really miss the stage. Not even just the stage; everything about theater. Is it wierd that I felt more like myself when I was continuously playing other people? Man, theater was stress-o-rama, but in the best way possible. It wasn't like the stress I feel when I'm going into a chemistry midterm... it was more the anticipation of something amazing and unique and unchartered. It was something I really truly, passionately cared about for reals, and only now can I realize how rare it is for me to find something I'm willing to dedicate so much of myself too. I'm kinda sorta finding that type of passion with my major and my club.. but I can tell it's pretty different. This passion is more calm, and responsible, and slow. I can't put all of myself into it because that would lead to fanaticism which would just get me dissapointed and looked at funny. But with acting you can throw all of yourself into a character onstage and come out exhausted yet accomplished. You have to be crazy enough to throw everything into a chance deal. I find that not to be so in any other walk of life I've experienced. But I haven't walked very far yet, so we'll see.
Oh, now I've gone and rambled this post away. Oh well. What I really wanted to get down to was that I miss theater and I miss the me that once loved so passionately. *Le sigh*