to make up for all lose words in the past month...
New revelations of the year so far. First and foremost, things are not as hard as they seem. Yes, your dad might be yelling at you, No, your best friend might hate you, Yes, your dog will go into surgery, No, there is nothing you can do about it.
If you just come to accept these things, if... I ... am ever able to accept the inevitable... then life as we know it might actually cease to be a constant turmoil for the mind, body, and soul.
Facts of life: (and fact is a vague word)
-my dog is healthy, thank god.
-i cant pay for college. ugh.
-i wish i could get a job, but i am legally inable.
-i am also not able to work under the table because thats just degrading.
-Russian food is very very fatty. Just to let you know.
-I dont know what i am doing after college.
(the situation: I have always wanted to leave state. Seriously? yes. First of all, right now, i am not able to due to financial reasons. I want to be able to take care of myself, rather than my parents take care of me. On another note, i would not mind going to florida with terena. That would be, actually, perfect. I would love it. She would love it. All would be dandy. But.... I want to know that florida is my new home. So, if i do really decide that i want to go out of state, i think i have decided that i am going to actually take a year off between high school and college so that i will be able to make up my mind on what i want. Basically, right now i am arguing between college in-state, fully paid for apartment, and a place that i already know is home... on the other hand, i have the ability to go somewhere else and meet new people and see if another city can take me in as a warm welcoming resident... and hopefully, learn even more there.)
(more arguements?: i have so so so so many good contacts here in phoenix for what i plan on doing. I know NOTHING about the set business or any theatre programs in Florida, let alone any other state. Here, i know i will be able to intern, solely based on the work i have done here so far. what will i do if i leave? Will i be able to drop it and go? I would love to say that i am sure that I will do this, but i cant. I just dont know right now.)
Terena, oh that girl. I am so proud of her ability to be set on what she needs and wants to get done in the next few years. Stay here for a year, move to florida, start workig, get a house, all that jazz, babies, love, amazing. All i know right now is that my tea-pot is broken and that i am currently unemployed.
Sorry for the length of this, i just really needed to write and my fingers are very eyboard friendly tonight.
But, as for some short term goals?
-Talk to the counselor tommorow concerning college and what options i have in my position
-email the freaking paper to my piano teacher that i keep forgetting to even write.
-do SOMETHING with my hair
-talk to christina tommorow about how exactly to give terena said Valentines/4month present without being as lame as i am right now
-finish the other assignments. I did 5 tonight.
-make sure the computer technician comes in on time on friday
-hang out and love terena the way i SHOULD before friday... because all weekend i will be workig on the lessons... (due mon.)
-crowley essay
-spanish essay
-English vocab sheet redo. Does anybody have a good grade from that fucking test?
-get ready to welcome the man that is coming in from CANADA!!!!
his name?
Sergei Simonich.
How amazing and russian is that name?!
well, he will be living here for 2 months.
Well, i am missis ramble tonight. Sorry for the chaotic venture that is my thoughts and despairs.
Final notes?
Terena, i love you.
Sasha, stop reading my journal.
Natasha, sorry for changing the password again...
-Masha. / mary?
(Tonight, i deleted all of the "Contacts" out of my cellphone. This includes all drug lords, pimps, hoes, and ex girlfriends. It was the best feeling in the world to delete "Tsui-Jen Cunanan". thank god that is over. Thank god i am happy)