bickity bammm
hi:] its been a while/
evening breifing[or not so brief.]
one word: jewish. does he know i exsist?! no. does he know my drink? no. my name? no. how horrible life must be for me, i know, right?! he will, im giving it time. ;]
next;// school. hmm. school. it sounds so final. school. reminds me of homework. teachers. mean girls. competition. jealousy. popularity. but school rings the bell of familiar faces at home. home cooked meals that i love & miss. my mom, sister, brother, and dad. it rings the familiar bell of irresponsibility. curfew. chores. rent. is it worth it? getting my life back on track. getting a car. getting in trouble. im still trying to weigh out the options. and frankly im just thinking aloud here.but i keep coming back to school. i keep wanting to go home. to get out. to be there for my brother and sister while they grow up and show them to not make mistakes like i have.
next;// moving. i want out. i do. i really really really do. i miss my mom the most. the more i spend time coaching and just talking with her makes me miss her like crazy. my sister is growing up. shes 11! 11. wow. in 5 years, she will be able to drive. my brother is going to be huge. hes starting to potty train, i missed the diapers already? im kind of depressed. he was walking before i knew it. now potty training? i want to be around more. i want family to be the center of my world. i miss coming home to the smell of moms dinner. except for on saturdays and sundays[she goes on strike] i miss my dogs. i miss them so much. swimming with them, playing at the park with them. seeing larry when i get home with his dumb blue lunch pale and badge around his neck, the first thing outta his mouth is a stab at me. or asking me if i got my shit together. i miss it. so move out? the only thing that stands in my way is school. i have to be enrolled in school in order for me to move back in. and show them that i am responsible. that my attitude is good. but i got that in the bagggg. i think. so school is the only thing that i am worried about. as a side note: i have to buy new shit for my room too. like a bed. a table. a tv. a couple mirrors. paint[!!]. computer. ikea, here i come, mofucka! so thats my dilemma with that.
next;//friends. some things have changed. one is married. well two are married. but theyre married to eachother. one is a flake lately. i cant stand it. if youre going to do it, fucking do it. if youre going to be there, be there. lies?! no. i hate that. dont do it. i cant stand that either. might as well be on the please kick my ass list. slutting around. wowwww. hm, at first i thought maybe i was jealous of my friends getting more action than me. then i decided that really truly, im not. im usually okay with whatever my friends decide to do. but slutting around kinda makes me uncomfortable. if youre gonna be a whore, be a mofuckin w h o r e! one of my friends really really makes me want to get my ass in gear. she makes me want to go to school, move in with my parents, and do whatever my little heart desires, as long as its moving up in the world. shes been in the shitty part, and she doesnt want me to go thru that mucky muck. and i appreciate it. i love her for it. one has made me mad, deeply dissapointed me lately. friends let things go. friends dont keep tabs. enough said. i dont know what to do with that. im not sure if things can go on being the same when so much has changed. a person that used to be my besssst friend, i barely talk to anymore. never see anymore. i dont know whats going on in their life. whats new. whats important. what theyre doing with the day ahead of them. i have no idea. i knew it was going to come to this. i kinda knew that this person would move on. it just kinda hurts when a person that used to be your besssst friend doesnt want to stop by eventhough theyre in the area. weird. i dont know how to deal with that.... so i dont. drugs are taking a role in a friends life. nothing super intense. here and there a little of this today a little of it next week. thats cool whatever. i dont know why its bugging me; maybe its the people around this friend that bug me. either way im irritated.
next;// work. i love my job. i love the people. i love my co workers.pay? not so good. well not good enough for what i want to happen within the next few months of my life. take on a new job? go to school? well i was in the back today and i accidently looked at my review that i havent had yet. and i accidently read all of it. i got a 2.3 rating. 2 is average. 3 is super terrific way above average. and 1 is needs desperate improvment. so 2.3 i got. hmmmmm. for the people that i work with that seems severely low to me. especially because 70 percent of them seem new. i guess you cant win them all. i still got a promotion, and im going to be given a parter development plan. which is great because that means im getting another promotion. yay. so work is going well.
next;// reading. i want to start reading books again, not just useless star and jane magazines. i want a story. with a plot. and characters. and a happy ending. barnes and noble, anyone?
next;// saving money. i need to. i N E E D to. i neeeeed to. to do what needs to be done, i need to.
next;// jack black. i find myself randomly thinking about him. need i say more than mmmmmm. <3
...i think thats all thats going thru my cute little head right now.
nightynight<3
evening breifing[or not so brief.]
one word: jewish. does he know i exsist?! no. does he know my drink? no. my name? no. how horrible life must be for me, i know, right?! he will, im giving it time. ;]
next;// school. hmm. school. it sounds so final. school. reminds me of homework. teachers. mean girls. competition. jealousy. popularity. but school rings the bell of familiar faces at home. home cooked meals that i love & miss. my mom, sister, brother, and dad. it rings the familiar bell of irresponsibility. curfew. chores. rent. is it worth it? getting my life back on track. getting a car. getting in trouble. im still trying to weigh out the options. and frankly im just thinking aloud here.but i keep coming back to school. i keep wanting to go home. to get out. to be there for my brother and sister while they grow up and show them to not make mistakes like i have.
next;// moving. i want out. i do. i really really really do. i miss my mom the most. the more i spend time coaching and just talking with her makes me miss her like crazy. my sister is growing up. shes 11! 11. wow. in 5 years, she will be able to drive. my brother is going to be huge. hes starting to potty train, i missed the diapers already? im kind of depressed. he was walking before i knew it. now potty training? i want to be around more. i want family to be the center of my world. i miss coming home to the smell of moms dinner. except for on saturdays and sundays[she goes on strike] i miss my dogs. i miss them so much. swimming with them, playing at the park with them. seeing larry when i get home with his dumb blue lunch pale and badge around his neck, the first thing outta his mouth is a stab at me. or asking me if i got my shit together. i miss it. so move out? the only thing that stands in my way is school. i have to be enrolled in school in order for me to move back in. and show them that i am responsible. that my attitude is good. but i got that in the bagggg. i think. so school is the only thing that i am worried about. as a side note: i have to buy new shit for my room too. like a bed. a table. a tv. a couple mirrors. paint[!!]. computer. ikea, here i come, mofucka! so thats my dilemma with that.
next;//friends. some things have changed. one is married. well two are married. but theyre married to eachother. one is a flake lately. i cant stand it. if youre going to do it, fucking do it. if youre going to be there, be there. lies?! no. i hate that. dont do it. i cant stand that either. might as well be on the please kick my ass list. slutting around. wowwww. hm, at first i thought maybe i was jealous of my friends getting more action than me. then i decided that really truly, im not. im usually okay with whatever my friends decide to do. but slutting around kinda makes me uncomfortable. if youre gonna be a whore, be a mofuckin w h o r e! one of my friends really really makes me want to get my ass in gear. she makes me want to go to school, move in with my parents, and do whatever my little heart desires, as long as its moving up in the world. shes been in the shitty part, and she doesnt want me to go thru that mucky muck. and i appreciate it. i love her for it. one has made me mad, deeply dissapointed me lately. friends let things go. friends dont keep tabs. enough said. i dont know what to do with that. im not sure if things can go on being the same when so much has changed. a person that used to be my besssst friend, i barely talk to anymore. never see anymore. i dont know whats going on in their life. whats new. whats important. what theyre doing with the day ahead of them. i have no idea. i knew it was going to come to this. i kinda knew that this person would move on. it just kinda hurts when a person that used to be your besssst friend doesnt want to stop by eventhough theyre in the area. weird. i dont know how to deal with that.... so i dont. drugs are taking a role in a friends life. nothing super intense. here and there a little of this today a little of it next week. thats cool whatever. i dont know why its bugging me; maybe its the people around this friend that bug me. either way im irritated.
next;// work. i love my job. i love the people. i love my co workers.pay? not so good. well not good enough for what i want to happen within the next few months of my life. take on a new job? go to school? well i was in the back today and i accidently looked at my review that i havent had yet. and i accidently read all of it. i got a 2.3 rating. 2 is average. 3 is super terrific way above average. and 1 is needs desperate improvment. so 2.3 i got. hmmmmm. for the people that i work with that seems severely low to me. especially because 70 percent of them seem new. i guess you cant win them all. i still got a promotion, and im going to be given a parter development plan. which is great because that means im getting another promotion. yay. so work is going well.
next;// reading. i want to start reading books again, not just useless star and jane magazines. i want a story. with a plot. and characters. and a happy ending. barnes and noble, anyone?
next;// saving money. i need to. i N E E D to. i neeeeed to. to do what needs to be done, i need to.
next;// jack black. i find myself randomly thinking about him. need i say more than mmmmmm. <3
...i think thats all thats going thru my cute little head right now.
nightynight<3