Wooo! I did it! I finished the book, and now it must die a most painful death!!
I finally hacked through the last chapters last night...and I feel such great relief. I really love a good bad book, but man, this barely had enough funny bits to keep me going. Yeah, the writing was awful, but after a while the very, very purple prose got dull.Really dull. Painfully, terribly dull. But anyway, here's my end-of-story review of Fifty Shades of Grey, read by me so you don't have to...ever.
"Hurray! I'm getting close to the end of 50 Shades of Uck! Today's installment: Miss Flubsy runs off to Georgia to visit her folks and get some distance on her scary, emotionally and somewhat physically abusive relationship...the first smart thing, I might add, that she's done in this book. So of course you don't need me to tell you what happens, do you? Of course not--but I will anyway! The creeper shows up, unannounced and uninvited, as usual, at her stepdad's country club. On his private jet! You know, I'm thinking since Creeper Gray is acting like an actual cartoony Super-Villain, he may as well go all the way, with a volcano-lair and a horde of ninjoid minions. He's pretty much there anyway; may as well go big or go home, am I right?"
"Hey people! I finally finished that awful, terrible book, 50 Shades of Awful!
The last chapter was especially annoying--After finally getting it through her thick, thick skull that maybe it was a bad idea to keep dating Mr Creeper, Miss Flubsy finally breaks things off after the Creeper yet again does things she's not okay with. The leaving is fairly weak, but at this point we'll all have to take what we can get, and it's more than I expected from Miss Marshmallow-Brain. But the rest of the whole chapter is apparently a huge setup for Book Number Two...Arrrrgh!! *slams head against desk over and over and over* Sorry, folks--I'm not doing book two OR three, and nobody can make me!! Hah! But if you can think of another bad book you want me to blather about, tell me in the comments, and I'll give it a try!"
I have to say, much as I hated the book, I did have fun writing my little book reports. Heh...
"Hurray! I'm getting close to the end of 50 Shades of Uck! Today's installment: Miss Flubsy runs off to Georgia to visit her folks and get some distance on her scary, emotionally and somewhat physically abusive relationship...the first smart thing, I might add, that she's done in this book. So of course you don't need me to tell you what happens, do you? Of course not--but I will anyway! The creeper shows up, unannounced and uninvited, as usual, at her stepdad's country club. On his private jet! You know, I'm thinking since Creeper Gray is acting like an actual cartoony Super-Villain, he may as well go all the way, with a volcano-lair and a horde of ninjoid minions. He's pretty much there anyway; may as well go big or go home, am I right?"
"Hey people! I finally finished that awful, terrible book, 50 Shades of Awful!
The last chapter was especially annoying--After finally getting it through her thick, thick skull that maybe it was a bad idea to keep dating Mr Creeper, Miss Flubsy finally breaks things off after the Creeper yet again does things she's not okay with. The leaving is fairly weak, but at this point we'll all have to take what we can get, and it's more than I expected from Miss Marshmallow-Brain. But the rest of the whole chapter is apparently a huge setup for Book Number Two...Arrrrgh!! *slams head against desk over and over and over* Sorry, folks--I'm not doing book two OR three, and nobody can make me!! Hah! But if you can think of another bad book you want me to blather about, tell me in the comments, and I'll give it a try!"
I have to say, much as I hated the book, I did have fun writing my little book reports. Heh...