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Jan 12, 2006 01:34

kind of a bad night tonight. nothing really triggered it, i just think i was overdue for one. it's been a while, so i guess it was about time. humph.

i hate these moods, i don't know what triggers them and i don't know how to medicate them. i'll be fine, absolutely fine, and all of a sudden i'll get depressed. i really don't get it. i don't understand my mind sometimes, why it wonders the things it does. my friend is trying to get me to join a fraternity wherever i go next year. he claims that there are classy frats, that not all fraternities are animal house-esque frats. i know from my experiences that if all of them aren't, i just have seen a bad lot of them. i'm all for brotherhood and the spirit behind the concept of fraterntity (liberTAY, equaliTAY, fraterniTAY - thanks mr gagnon,) but i'm not an animal house kind of guy. i dont want a omgletsgetdrunkitstuesday kind of fraternity. i want a classy frat, one that holds shirt + tie dinners, and one that respects the college and the girls at the college. the last thing i want is to join one of those frats who's initiation is something distastful. the kind of hazing we did in swim was bad enough for me.

i dunno. so many things in my life are uncertain. so many huge, life-changing decisions will be made in the next couple of months and i'm scared to death. absolutely terrified. i'm so worried that i'll make the wrong choice. that what i'm basing my opinions on isn't sound.

gaaah.

was jakes birthday today. love that kid. i may not always act like it, but that kid is always there. what a good kid.

i'm trembling. i've been doing that alot lately. i'm really afraid that i'm going to have another problem with my legs like i did in october. i'm going to go to the hospital tomorrow to get a muscle density test, i think. i don't get it. i have the strongest legs out of pretty much everyone i know. with all of the swimming and stuff i do, my legs should be good for life. i only know a handful of kids that can lift more on a legpress then i can. oh legs, why dost thou betray me

this entry ended up being a little bit deeper then i thought it would be.

oh, i've also been having terrible sleep problems. really messed up dreams. i wake up in the middle of hte night in cold sweats and i have to get up and walk around to clear my head. granted, i've been going to bed pretty late, like 2 or 230, but that's my normal bedtime at school, but i've been sleeping till 2 or 3. by 8 or 9, i'm exhausted. i shouldn't be exhausted after being awake for 6 hours. what's happening to my body? i'm starting to get worried.

i'm still trembling. oiy.
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