Ode to LJ
Well, Beau's return has been delayed. The email that arrived last night offered no new date to cling to, only paragraphs of apologies and uncertainty. The return is still imminent, but now lacks a timeframe with which to obsess over.
I'm sure it will still hover around a week or so until their return. Waiting and patience are definitely the worst part of this ordeal. I keep reminding myself that a week really is nothing compared to the year that we've spent apart. It's just nice fantasizing about having my lover back.
I remember when he left. Tears were in no shortage, to say the least. One of the reasons I cried was because I felt sorry for myself. I knew what lonely, empty, boring existence awaited me in the year ahead. And someday, I may be crying the same tears again--except--with experience under my belt. This past year has been extremely bland, uneventful, maybe even pathetic depending how subjective one views it. Being an "army wife" in a conservative town with zero friends is... eh... Horrible. Sure, I can take accountability for that. I certainly could have gone out and done all sorts of things. Maybe I would have gotten over the guilt of doing things without him. Maybe I would have gotten accustomed to hanging out with people I didn't really like. Maybe with a little more motivation I could have found a little more fulfillment in a year alone. But the truth is--I miss my best friend more than anything right now.
It thrills me to think that journal will soon see the entries of his return. God knows it has seen a lot over the last 10 years. Here's to another 10, LJ.