(no subject)

[mschokesondick]

This is probably my last entry for a while. I was fighting with my mom...again and...I don't like this medication so I told her I wasn't going to take it anymore now she's threatening to tell the judge and I'll probably get sent to a hospital til I'm 18. I know, I should take it but you have no idea what it feels to be on this and they won't change it...it's horrible. Than I told my mom that medication is artficail happiness than she said that my deppression is artificial because I'm bi polar....sorry but wrong. Medication isn't going to change me, what I've been through makes me who I am and medication isn't going to change me. And If I'm so fucking bi polar than why is all of this anti-bi polar medication not working? Lithium, rispridol, zoloft, celexa, geodone...why is none of it working? I hate myself OK? I do. And if I can't love myself than how am I suppossed to love other people let alone trust the enough to try and help me...no fucking medication is going to chagnge me because they put me on too much and I feel high...put me on too little and I go back to the old me...what am I supposed to do? So...Out patient where they inject it in my ass.....But I'm leaving for NY....hopefully they won't send me away before tommorrow. But if they send me away....that's the end of my life...No joke.

So if i don't up date in a while either I killed myself or I'm locked up...again...for the 3rd time...

Listen to this...hem...my mother doesn't even want me anymore...No stutters...MY MOTHER DOESN'T WANT ME ANYMORE...it hurts...but I guess I have another reason to hate the world and not trust anyone...and my depressions fake...all fake just like every other aspect of me....it's all fake...But this is probably the last time that I update...so....I'm either in NY, Out patient or I'm dead.

Bye.