just some thoughts.
upon being prompted by amanda ott, i decided that today probably is a great day to journal my thoughts. for once, i want everyone to see them because i think i have something great to say.
first of all, i want to dedicate this first section to amanda ott. i love you so much. i miss you more than words and i long to have the times when we can spend every waking, and sometimes sleeping, hour together. even though we often go through periods where we just can't speak due to conflicting schedules, you are always in my heart. you were my first best friend who was everything a best friend should be: kind, real, honest, and with the most beautiful of hearts. i will never let you go for all of those reasons and more. you are always there when i need to talk to someone the most and you never have this skewed image of what a person is supposed to do with their lives. you are truly a free spirit and i admire that about you.
okay, next i have this for ashley. i don't know first of all what i would have done without you last year. you were the best gift i could have asked for at that very time...you came RIGHT on time. you are so much like amanda in the sense that you give me what i need emotionally and you don't have something to say about what "mistake" i made, though i am sure you have had a few opinions on my decisions. now, when i need more than emotional support, you are there even for that. you have helped me so much with money issues that i don't know how one person can be so giving and beautiful. i love you and always will. your passion for life will never seize to amaze me.
amanda rae. our bond has without a doubt been changed, but i don't think that is bad. we may go in different directions about A LOT of things, but like the other beautiful people in my life, you are always there. you are pretty much the biggest dork i have ever met, but you don't care that you are. even if that might be a little bit of an "emo" thing, i love it. haha. i can't imagine a life without you and i owe it all to that one extra ticket to the united we stand concert. rock on michael jackson.
megan. i haven't known you for too long, but i know that you are so strong. i know people have hurt you and criticized you for things in your life, but it's not fair to do that unless you have been in that person's shoes and been through the same situations. you are amazing. lately, you have supported me a lot and helped me to be more calm about things, and i know this is something that will last quite a while because i don't click with people easily. i totally sweat you. thank you for everything.
the last shout out is to the family. helen, wendy, and josh...its obvious i am who i am because i have had so much to look up to. the arguments and hair pulling has been out of control a time or two in our lives, but i don't know how much fun sitting in front of the tv eating while we wait for someone to come home so we could go outside would have been without you guys. josh-by far the most selfless person i have ever met, helen-wise beyond your years, my friend, wendy-huge hearted and beautiful in a way i wish you could see. i love you guys.
on a totally different subject that i have been pondering lately...
i leave on this note:
nothing is a mistake...just a lesson. if God didn't mean for them to be made, they wouldn't, now would they? i was talking to ashley about how upset it makes us that some people are so turned off to the idea of loving the LORD and Jesus because they see what these so-called Christians say they should be doing. it isn't the followers who aren't perfect and decide to live life, it's the "followers" who condemn people based on this perception that there are rules and regulations that have to be followed. the Bible is interpreted so many ways, though there are some things that are in plain english, most of it isn't. let God do the judging. no, not everything is beneficial, as it says in the Bible, but not everything will condemn you to this alleged "hell," which is a whooooole new subject. God loves people for their obedience AND imperfections. if we were all supposed to be the same, why did He make us all so different? i challenge people to step away from being told what to think and think for themselves. this does not make me against the christian relgion, quite contrary. i love Jesus more than anyone can judge based on what they think when they see me, it is a very real passion i have. there is no love that can better be shown in action than dying for the ones you love on a cross. He died for everyone, not just the people who think that a real love for God means not drinking, not having sex, not saying a curse word, etc. a relationship with God is private...no one will ever know if the relationship is real...so it's not fair to think you can tell.
i love my best friends...different as they may be from one another, they are the best people i have ever met.