(no subject)
I need new music. I figured this was the best place to get trusted advice, and people I love like to share what they love... so there. I would like some mellow, groovy, light vocal, perhaps french or other foreign language, with a great beat. Kinda loungey, but not so pop-synthetic sounding. Background music, mostly.
Peeves: jazz organ, busy saxophone improv, heavy reggae, heavy blues.
Thanks!
is wonderful. We re-bonded this week. It seems that she goes through phases with all of her parents (don't we all). Yesterday Tom went to Baker so M and I had a mother-daughter day. She looked at me over our 'Second Breakfast' and said, "You know, I know you were late and stuff and not as early, but I still love you just as much as mama and daddy." To which I responded, "Awww. Yay. I know you didn't come out of my belly but I will always be your step-mom and you will always be my first child." And she threw her arms around me and dribbled cereal in my cleavage and then we laughed really hard. Later, we did an experiment together. She wants a cookie at the grocery store and usually we save it for dessert, or after the next meal, but I was feeling generous and it was hours before dinner so I said she could eat her cookie and we would conduct an experiment to see how well she could cope with cleaning her room and finishing up her last chores when she got home, and if she had a sugar meltdown.
Tom was here when we got home and she asked him to read her a new book from the library... yay. And I said, "When that book is done, do you remember your responsibility?" Yes, she assured me. 1/2 hour passes while I'm making dinner and beginning to get irritated, so I go into the spare room and they're laying on the bed together, snuggling and looking nappy. I said, "Miranda, you're supposed to have your room clean by now." and that was met with protest of course, and Tom backed me up, of course, and I responded to her by saying, "Well, I'm sorry that you're sad about this, but your emotions are your responsibility and if you didn't tell daddy about cleaning your room then the reason you feel sad is also your responsibility." or something like that. Tom told me that on the way in there he told her using one parent to get out of a responsibility was not okay and she needed to stop doing that because it was manipulation. And she bucked up and cleaned her room and we all had a nice evening together.
Whenever we just tell her what is going on and name her behavior or explain family needs and blahblah, she gets it. When we try new fangled parenting coersion tactics and communication crap (only one has worked for us), she resists even more and everyone's frustration level goes through the roof. So this week we decided to explain manipulation to her and then tell her when we saw it going on. I busted it out once over tooth brushing (the "I'm-just-stretching-can't-I-just-stretch-first?" maneuver), and over something else (when she employed the "I-just-want-to-hug-everyone-first" maneuver). It worked brilliantly. Call it like you see it and what can she say? Not much. So she does what she's asked. Brilliant. Mostly, I think that works because she's also brilliant and gets it.
Peeves: jazz organ, busy saxophone improv, heavy reggae, heavy blues.
Thanks!
is wonderful. We re-bonded this week. It seems that she goes through phases with all of her parents (don't we all). Yesterday Tom went to Baker so M and I had a mother-daughter day. She looked at me over our 'Second Breakfast' and said, "You know, I know you were late and stuff and not as early, but I still love you just as much as mama and daddy." To which I responded, "Awww. Yay. I know you didn't come out of my belly but I will always be your step-mom and you will always be my first child." And she threw her arms around me and dribbled cereal in my cleavage and then we laughed really hard. Later, we did an experiment together. She wants a cookie at the grocery store and usually we save it for dessert, or after the next meal, but I was feeling generous and it was hours before dinner so I said she could eat her cookie and we would conduct an experiment to see how well she could cope with cleaning her room and finishing up her last chores when she got home, and if she had a sugar meltdown.
Tom was here when we got home and she asked him to read her a new book from the library... yay. And I said, "When that book is done, do you remember your responsibility?" Yes, she assured me. 1/2 hour passes while I'm making dinner and beginning to get irritated, so I go into the spare room and they're laying on the bed together, snuggling and looking nappy. I said, "Miranda, you're supposed to have your room clean by now." and that was met with protest of course, and Tom backed me up, of course, and I responded to her by saying, "Well, I'm sorry that you're sad about this, but your emotions are your responsibility and if you didn't tell daddy about cleaning your room then the reason you feel sad is also your responsibility." or something like that. Tom told me that on the way in there he told her using one parent to get out of a responsibility was not okay and she needed to stop doing that because it was manipulation. And she bucked up and cleaned her room and we all had a nice evening together.
Whenever we just tell her what is going on and name her behavior or explain family needs and blahblah, she gets it. When we try new fangled parenting coersion tactics and communication crap (only one has worked for us), she resists even more and everyone's frustration level goes through the roof. So this week we decided to explain manipulation to her and then tell her when we saw it going on. I busted it out once over tooth brushing (the "I'm-just-stretching-can't-I-just-stretch-first?" maneuver), and over something else (when she employed the "I-just-want-to-hug-everyone-first" maneuver). It worked brilliantly. Call it like you see it and what can she say? Not much. So she does what she's asked. Brilliant. Mostly, I think that works because she's also brilliant and gets it.