Oh Bloody Fuck...
Just when I thought my week couldn't get any worse...my mom's week seems to be getting worse and guess who gets the end of that??? Gah. It's not my fucking fault the roofer won't come...and it's not my fucking fault for anything else that happens to her. I might be able to help her more if she'd tell me what the fuck is going on half the time. She'd tell everyone else in our beautiful extended family but not me. Oh no. I'm here, affect directly by almost everything that happens to her and I'm in the dark. I have a vague idea as to what's going on but guess what! I'm too stupid and too much of an idiot to understand what goes on so let's leave me in the dark and then yell at me when I step on a broken eggshell I didn't know was there. This is adding extra stress to me that I don't need. Seriously if I could I'd get on a plane and fly somewhere...anywhere...just away from everything and everyone. Bloody hell...just because I'm a student and 19 does not mean I don't get stressed. "Oh what do you have to worry about...you only have to go to school." Well I'd like to see her not get stressed in school with me breathing down her neck with a butcher knife ready for when she fails...and make it known that I expect her to fail. Bloody fuck...sorry about the profanity I can't help it...gahh...if I have a nervous breakdown...she'd blame it on me too...like when I was suicidal way back when...it was my fault because all I cared about was going out...not because she was stuffing me in a corner and refusing to let me out...not because I was just plain depressed...because I was stupid...what's wrong with me?!?! Graaaaaaaaaarrrggggggggg!!! It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to stick up for myself anymore. Not like that would help. Damnation. I need a holiday. Forgive me people forgive me. I'm ok when people are around to distract me, but it always gets worse at home. The minute I step in through my door I'm left to my own thoughts and those aren't very happy at the moment...and then when my parents come home all I get are complaints to how I'm lazy and good for nothing. Ok I'm going to go before I really start crying. Bloody emotions.