Sorry [Part 2 of It's Only A Matter Of Time Series]
Title: Sorry [Sequel to It's Only A Matter Of Time]
Author: msanimanga [carla]
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles
Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles
Rating: T
Words: 591
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm a poor college student.
Summary: Jane is struggling with her thoughts. Drabble. Extended into a somewhat connected series.
Author's Note: This "story" might just become a series of drabbles, I'm not sure where this one is going, really. I have the next chapter written up mostly, though I can't say yet whether Jane will resolve anything in the next chapter or not, this one's sort of directing itself at this point. Comment if you can, reviews make me happy.
It’s a full moon. You blame that sphere outside your window for the wretched feeling in your gut. There is no reason that you should feel this way. Your gut has never let you down before- something is sure to break tonight.
The stirring at your side calls your attention, and you turn. Caramel locks are illuminated by the moonlight, sifting in through the window. She had insisted on pulling the curtains away, murmuring into the darkness and explaining the tides’ relationship to the moon cycle.
When you heard the knock on your door tonight, you knew that it would be her- who else would show up here at two in the morning?
You would never turn her away, and you led her to your room without a word. It was routine now, it seemed, to seek solace in one another’s presence. Sleep came so quickly when you shared a bed, and you have both acknowledged it silently with these late visits.
She stirs slightly now, eyes fluttering, and an arm reaches for you. Her fingers curl into your side, and she seems so peaceful in this moment.
It springs up on you again as you watch her- that yearning. There are few things you wouldn’t give to have this every night, to call her your own. But she doesn’t need any more complications in her life. You need her, but you won’t pull her any further into your bullshit. There is so much more than just others’ opinions holding you back. Her well being is all that matters.
The tears are hot and relentless, slipping down your cheeks in the still darkness. It’s stupid, this constant crying that you seem to be falling into. This is not like you, before this you would never cry in this situation, you would go for what you wanted. This is how it has to be, though- she can’t know.
“Jane?”
You stifle a sob, for a moment you hope that she’s gone back to sleep.
Her hand comes up then, brushing away a few of the tears that managed to escape, despite your efforts.
“I’m sorry, Maura. I’m sorry…” Your words are faint, and they rip from your throat without your permission. You hate how pathetic you sound.
You’re sorry for wanting Maura, sorry for hurting her, sorry for being so afraid, sorry for letting everything get in the way, sorry for not being good enough. You would keep apologizing if you could, but she would never understand, and you would be speaking forever.
“I- I just had a nightmare.. I didn’t mean to wake you.” The lie comes easily, and you wipe angrily at your tears for what seems like the millionth time.
“I’m sorry” You whisper, your own voice is unrecognizable.
You hate this person that you’re becoming. Even with Hoyt, you had the determination to die without giving him the satisfaction of giving in without a fight. Now, you won’t dare to fight for her, for yourself, for what could be. You’ve never been so emotional, never felt so small or weak.
Her limbs wrap around your form, as though she’s trying to hold you together, keep your from falling apart.
“Shhh, shhhh….” Her voice is soft, soothing, and you let yourself fall into the lull of it. You allow yourself to be held, to fall apart in front of her. She knows this side of you, the vulnerable core that you hide from most.
You sob until you can’t anymore, and fall asleep in the arms of Maura Isles.
Author: msanimanga [carla]
Fandom: Rizzoli & Isles
Pairing: Jane Rizzoli/Maura Isles
Rating: T
Words: 591
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm a poor college student.
Summary: Jane is struggling with her thoughts. Drabble. Extended into a somewhat connected series.
Author's Note: This "story" might just become a series of drabbles, I'm not sure where this one is going, really. I have the next chapter written up mostly, though I can't say yet whether Jane will resolve anything in the next chapter or not, this one's sort of directing itself at this point. Comment if you can, reviews make me happy.
It’s a full moon. You blame that sphere outside your window for the wretched feeling in your gut. There is no reason that you should feel this way. Your gut has never let you down before- something is sure to break tonight.
The stirring at your side calls your attention, and you turn. Caramel locks are illuminated by the moonlight, sifting in through the window. She had insisted on pulling the curtains away, murmuring into the darkness and explaining the tides’ relationship to the moon cycle.
When you heard the knock on your door tonight, you knew that it would be her- who else would show up here at two in the morning?
You would never turn her away, and you led her to your room without a word. It was routine now, it seemed, to seek solace in one another’s presence. Sleep came so quickly when you shared a bed, and you have both acknowledged it silently with these late visits.
She stirs slightly now, eyes fluttering, and an arm reaches for you. Her fingers curl into your side, and she seems so peaceful in this moment.
It springs up on you again as you watch her- that yearning. There are few things you wouldn’t give to have this every night, to call her your own. But she doesn’t need any more complications in her life. You need her, but you won’t pull her any further into your bullshit. There is so much more than just others’ opinions holding you back. Her well being is all that matters.
The tears are hot and relentless, slipping down your cheeks in the still darkness. It’s stupid, this constant crying that you seem to be falling into. This is not like you, before this you would never cry in this situation, you would go for what you wanted. This is how it has to be, though- she can’t know.
“Jane?”
You stifle a sob, for a moment you hope that she’s gone back to sleep.
Her hand comes up then, brushing away a few of the tears that managed to escape, despite your efforts.
“I’m sorry, Maura. I’m sorry…” Your words are faint, and they rip from your throat without your permission. You hate how pathetic you sound.
You’re sorry for wanting Maura, sorry for hurting her, sorry for being so afraid, sorry for letting everything get in the way, sorry for not being good enough. You would keep apologizing if you could, but she would never understand, and you would be speaking forever.
“I- I just had a nightmare.. I didn’t mean to wake you.” The lie comes easily, and you wipe angrily at your tears for what seems like the millionth time.
“I’m sorry” You whisper, your own voice is unrecognizable.
You hate this person that you’re becoming. Even with Hoyt, you had the determination to die without giving him the satisfaction of giving in without a fight. Now, you won’t dare to fight for her, for yourself, for what could be. You’ve never been so emotional, never felt so small or weak.
Her limbs wrap around your form, as though she’s trying to hold you together, keep your from falling apart.
“Shhh, shhhh….” Her voice is soft, soothing, and you let yourself fall into the lull of it. You allow yourself to be held, to fall apart in front of her. She knows this side of you, the vulnerable core that you hide from most.
You sob until you can’t anymore, and fall asleep in the arms of Maura Isles.