(no subject)
my life is a fucking roller coaster. one minute things are great, the next i want to die. ive come to realize this: all of the problems b and i have are caused by me. i let petty shit get to me and i fucking dwell on it for days. he got a job and starts tomorrow. i am so proud of him. this is step one of getting on the right track. i think with him working things will be so much different. one of the main reasons we fight is because of money. this should eliviate that problem. now if i could only get him to move back home. seeing him once a month is killing us. sure we talk for hours each day but its not the same. id give anything to be able to kiss or hug him sometimes. when he's here, i see him for a couple hours and then he's on his way again. and when i'm with him, time flies. i wish life had a pause button where if you were in a moment you really wanted to last for a long time you could just pause and enjoy it. thatd be so awesome but i think i'd pause and never unpause. im going to start working on a memory book to send to brian of all the fun times we've shared. that way when he misses me he can look through the book and remember it all. i remember when i used to be super crafty. now i just buy everything. its so much easier. its horrible what money does to us. ugh! night <3