(no subject)
why is it i have been so prepared for this but now i am in a state of denial?
someone please help me.
this is not real.
this is not happening.
i am going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine.
ALL LIES.
in a matter of hours they will inject my uncle with morphine and he will be taken off his ventilator. i knew this moment was coming eventually but now that it has i have no idea how to deal with it. its really weird how you think you know how you are going to react to certain situations. people keep telling you youre so strong. little do they know you go home each night and nearly choke to death because you lay in bed crying yourself to sleep. i am not strong. i am the weakest person alive right now. ive spent the last eight days waking up, going to work, going to the hospital till 10 or 11p, staying up till 1 or 2a and then starting all over the next day. we have all fought a hard battle and its finally time to surrender. there are so many things i wish i would have said to him when he was able to hear me but i didnt. i never told him how much i loved him or how much i cared. i never thanked him for always being there. i never expressed any emotion toward him. all i did was sit and listen. i learned so much about my uncle in these past couple months. i spent more quality time with him than i did with the people who live in my own home. i grew so close to him and now i have to let him go. i know he is going to a better place now. somewhere where he will be able to walk again. somewhere where he will be free from all of the things that held him back for so long.
youre in good hands now. go and be free but dont forget to come and visit me. ill meet up with you eventually. now go enjoy your new life. i love you. always.
someone please help me.
this is not real.
this is not happening.
i am going to wake up tomorrow and everything will be fine.
ALL LIES.
in a matter of hours they will inject my uncle with morphine and he will be taken off his ventilator. i knew this moment was coming eventually but now that it has i have no idea how to deal with it. its really weird how you think you know how you are going to react to certain situations. people keep telling you youre so strong. little do they know you go home each night and nearly choke to death because you lay in bed crying yourself to sleep. i am not strong. i am the weakest person alive right now. ive spent the last eight days waking up, going to work, going to the hospital till 10 or 11p, staying up till 1 or 2a and then starting all over the next day. we have all fought a hard battle and its finally time to surrender. there are so many things i wish i would have said to him when he was able to hear me but i didnt. i never told him how much i loved him or how much i cared. i never thanked him for always being there. i never expressed any emotion toward him. all i did was sit and listen. i learned so much about my uncle in these past couple months. i spent more quality time with him than i did with the people who live in my own home. i grew so close to him and now i have to let him go. i know he is going to a better place now. somewhere where he will be able to walk again. somewhere where he will be free from all of the things that held him back for so long.
youre in good hands now. go and be free but dont forget to come and visit me. ill meet up with you eventually. now go enjoy your new life. i love you. always.