For _steelmagnolia_
“You ain’t really sssending that to Rogue.” Mortimer stared at the box in open horror.
“Xavier pays them an allowance, not a salary. I doubt she can afford this herself.” Raven packed away a second full length body stocking.
“But you’re her mum!”
“I wouldn’t spend this kind of money on a stranger.” Raven added a neatly folded stack of translucent silk scarves.
Mortimer shook his head. She really didn’t get it. “Raven, ssshe ain’t stupid. If thisss isss what ssshe’sss into, ssshe can alwaysss make do with plassstic wrap and a ssski masssk.” There was enough liquid latex in that box to cover the Blob. “Ssshe don’t need to know her mum thinks about her when ssshopping for sssex toysss.”
“Why not? Mine does.” Avalanche wandered into the living room wearing a pair of rumpled silk boxers and a contented smile. He offered Mystique a cup of tea, ignoring Toad. “The delivery driver is asleep. Shall I tell UPS she is dead of exhaustion?”
“Already?” Raven frowned in disappointment.
“That’sss not fair.” Mortimer crossed his arms, glaring at them both. “How come I never get to bang the delivery drivers?”
Mystique and Avalanche stared at him blankly. Mystique blinked, then snickered. Avalanche bent over the table laughing.
“Har bloody har.” He glared. “Assholes.”
Avalanche peered into the box. “Is that my Mexican Wrestling mask?”
“It’sss a care package. For Rogue,” said Mortimer.
Avalanche nodded. “She could use it. I will never understand how you raised someone so repressed. If you wish, I will deflower her.”
Raven brightened for a second, then scowled. “Thanks, but I think LeBeau already took care of that.”
Mortimer covered his eyes. He couldn’t believe he actually thought it’d be good to have another bloke crash at the lair for awhile. Times like this, he actually missed Fred.
“Then it is time she embrace her full potential as a woman,” said Avalanche. “I have spare condoms. Neither Andrea nor Dakota will use the banana flavored ones.”
“Throw them in.” She added a rainbow assortment of elbow to armpit length gloves.
Mortimer peeked from between his fingers. “You know thisss isss why ssshe won’t take holidaysss with you.”
“No, that’s because I stabbed her in the gut and left her to die.” Raven added a stack of Penthouse Letters, two bodice ripper paperbacks she’d picked up at the grocery store, and a quartet of Kinder Eggs. “She gets two more years of being bitchy about that, and then I’m going to lose my patience.”
“I need a sssmoke,” Mortimer sighed.
“So do I!” shouted someone in the bedroom.
Raven was still packing. Avalanche was elbow deep in his suitcase, searching for banana condoms. Mortimer smiled to himself and quietly snuck off to see if the delivery driver had any other needs he could tend to.
“Xavier pays them an allowance, not a salary. I doubt she can afford this herself.” Raven packed away a second full length body stocking.
“But you’re her mum!”
“I wouldn’t spend this kind of money on a stranger.” Raven added a neatly folded stack of translucent silk scarves.
Mortimer shook his head. She really didn’t get it. “Raven, ssshe ain’t stupid. If thisss isss what ssshe’sss into, ssshe can alwaysss make do with plassstic wrap and a ssski masssk.” There was enough liquid latex in that box to cover the Blob. “Ssshe don’t need to know her mum thinks about her when ssshopping for sssex toysss.”
“Why not? Mine does.” Avalanche wandered into the living room wearing a pair of rumpled silk boxers and a contented smile. He offered Mystique a cup of tea, ignoring Toad. “The delivery driver is asleep. Shall I tell UPS she is dead of exhaustion?”
“Already?” Raven frowned in disappointment.
“That’sss not fair.” Mortimer crossed his arms, glaring at them both. “How come I never get to bang the delivery drivers?”
Mystique and Avalanche stared at him blankly. Mystique blinked, then snickered. Avalanche bent over the table laughing.
“Har bloody har.” He glared. “Assholes.”
Avalanche peered into the box. “Is that my Mexican Wrestling mask?”
“It’sss a care package. For Rogue,” said Mortimer.
Avalanche nodded. “She could use it. I will never understand how you raised someone so repressed. If you wish, I will deflower her.”
Raven brightened for a second, then scowled. “Thanks, but I think LeBeau already took care of that.”
Mortimer covered his eyes. He couldn’t believe he actually thought it’d be good to have another bloke crash at the lair for awhile. Times like this, he actually missed Fred.
“Then it is time she embrace her full potential as a woman,” said Avalanche. “I have spare condoms. Neither Andrea nor Dakota will use the banana flavored ones.”
“Throw them in.” She added a rainbow assortment of elbow to armpit length gloves.
Mortimer peeked from between his fingers. “You know thisss isss why ssshe won’t take holidaysss with you.”
“No, that’s because I stabbed her in the gut and left her to die.” Raven added a stack of Penthouse Letters, two bodice ripper paperbacks she’d picked up at the grocery store, and a quartet of Kinder Eggs. “She gets two more years of being bitchy about that, and then I’m going to lose my patience.”
“I need a sssmoke,” Mortimer sighed.
“So do I!” shouted someone in the bedroom.
Raven was still packing. Avalanche was elbow deep in his suitcase, searching for banana condoms. Mortimer smiled to himself and quietly snuck off to see if the delivery driver had any other needs he could tend to.