Destroy Me This Way
Title: Destroy Me This Way
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairings: Tony/Unspecified
Rating: PG
Summary: It's not just himself that Tony's been destroying.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Additional disclaimer: This fic was inspired by, and a lot of the phrases come from, the Ladytron song Destroy Everything You Touch. I claim no rights to the original song or lyrics.
Note: This was written without a specified pairing attached - personally, I had in mind either Ryan or Paul, but feel free to add your own interpretations.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 081 - How.
Destroy Me This Way
How did we end up like this?
I knew something wasn’t quite right. As time wore on, you were becoming more and more frantic. Any control you once had seemed to disappear, and you were resorting to increasingly outlandish means of getting laughs.
Of getting attention.
I should have noticed. But instead I laughed with the others, even when I caught that faint glint in your eye that told me how much it hurt you when I did that. I suppose I couldn’t see what I was doing wrong, when attention was what you wanted.
It wasn’t just in front of the cameras that you changed. Everything became on your terms - we had sex when you demanded it, and only when you demanded it. We barely went out, and even if it occurred to me to go somewhere without you, I doubt you would have let me. Everything centred around you, and you were the sole judge of how close anyone or anything could come. Including me.
It’s now I begin to see what you were doing. You had somehow convinced yourself that we would all - even I - desert you, so you were pushing us away, destroying us and your bonds to us before we had a chance to hurt you.
If only you could see. I never had the slightest intention of hurting you. Why would I, when you were the sun that drew warmth and happiness into my life? I loved you, before I even knew you, and I still love you now. And I can only hope that you’ll forgive me for doing this to you.
It wasn’t entirely my choice. I don’t know if that helps in any way, but it was the others who convinced me to go through with this. They must have noticed before I - doubtless, many resent me for being so close and yet so ignorant. The fact that you appeared to feel nothing - they do not know the countless times I have asked you about bruises and cuts that have appeared seemingly from nowhere, that not once you could remember feeling.
Even now as I watch you, hands gripping onto the duvet as you shift within some unknown dream, I wonder if you notice the soft material that yields within your grasp or the dip of the mattress as it supports your weight. I never thought it possible that anyone’s sense of touch could fail them, but lately it seems as though yours has.
Will you always remain so numb to everything? Has this intervention achieved anything? Will this delay your downward spiral enough to save you, or will this be a temporary setback in whatever your plan is? Are you still determined to destroy everything you touch, including yourself, or will you realise that there are people here who need you?
Will you realise that I need you? That in forcing me to watch you destroy yourself this way, you’re destroying me too. I can’t be without you, Tony - if you’re going to walk out of the sun, at least take me with you. After all we’ve shared, at least grant me that much.
The nurse has asked me to leave now. You need your rest, and they need to work out what went wrong. I don’t want to leave, but I must do as they ask. But I’ll be back. As often as they let me, I’ll be back.
I won’t let you destroy yourself. Anything already broken can be fixed, I’ll make sure of it. And I’m never going to leave your side.
I won’t let you keep destroying everything you touch.
Fandom: Whose Line UK
Pairings: Tony/Unspecified
Rating: PG
Summary: It's not just himself that Tony's been destroying.
Disclaimer: This fic is in no way intended to portray a true representation of the people involved. As far as I know, this never happened.
Additional disclaimer: This fic was inspired by, and a lot of the phrases come from, the Ladytron song Destroy Everything You Touch. I claim no rights to the original song or lyrics.
Note: This was written without a specified pairing attached - personally, I had in mind either Ryan or Paul, but feel free to add your own interpretations.
Cross-posted to britline, whoselineslash and wl_fanfiction. Submitted to fanfic100 for prompt 081 - How.
Destroy Me This Way
How did we end up like this?
I knew something wasn’t quite right. As time wore on, you were becoming more and more frantic. Any control you once had seemed to disappear, and you were resorting to increasingly outlandish means of getting laughs.
Of getting attention.
I should have noticed. But instead I laughed with the others, even when I caught that faint glint in your eye that told me how much it hurt you when I did that. I suppose I couldn’t see what I was doing wrong, when attention was what you wanted.
It wasn’t just in front of the cameras that you changed. Everything became on your terms - we had sex when you demanded it, and only when you demanded it. We barely went out, and even if it occurred to me to go somewhere without you, I doubt you would have let me. Everything centred around you, and you were the sole judge of how close anyone or anything could come. Including me.
It’s now I begin to see what you were doing. You had somehow convinced yourself that we would all - even I - desert you, so you were pushing us away, destroying us and your bonds to us before we had a chance to hurt you.
If only you could see. I never had the slightest intention of hurting you. Why would I, when you were the sun that drew warmth and happiness into my life? I loved you, before I even knew you, and I still love you now. And I can only hope that you’ll forgive me for doing this to you.
It wasn’t entirely my choice. I don’t know if that helps in any way, but it was the others who convinced me to go through with this. They must have noticed before I - doubtless, many resent me for being so close and yet so ignorant. The fact that you appeared to feel nothing - they do not know the countless times I have asked you about bruises and cuts that have appeared seemingly from nowhere, that not once you could remember feeling.
Even now as I watch you, hands gripping onto the duvet as you shift within some unknown dream, I wonder if you notice the soft material that yields within your grasp or the dip of the mattress as it supports your weight. I never thought it possible that anyone’s sense of touch could fail them, but lately it seems as though yours has.
Will you always remain so numb to everything? Has this intervention achieved anything? Will this delay your downward spiral enough to save you, or will this be a temporary setback in whatever your plan is? Are you still determined to destroy everything you touch, including yourself, or will you realise that there are people here who need you?
Will you realise that I need you? That in forcing me to watch you destroy yourself this way, you’re destroying me too. I can’t be without you, Tony - if you’re going to walk out of the sun, at least take me with you. After all we’ve shared, at least grant me that much.
The nurse has asked me to leave now. You need your rest, and they need to work out what went wrong. I don’t want to leave, but I must do as they ask. But I’ll be back. As often as they let me, I’ll be back.
I won’t let you destroy yourself. Anything already broken can be fixed, I’ll make sure of it. And I’m never going to leave your side.
I won’t let you keep destroying everything you touch.