(no subject)
happy birthday my sweet friend, you are greatly missed.
its almost four years. and i still cry for you.
today just sucks.
youre gone, and its fathers day.
fuck fathers day.
and here i am, pathetic, drinking alone and stealing weed from my boyfriend because i cant breathe. i cannot breathe anymore.
i almost passed out in the grocery store.
my eyes rolled back at the sight of the razors. big, gleaming, and double-edged. i fought so hard.
when can i stop fighting?
i bought a jesus candle.
you know, the ones in the spanish aisle?
im fairly certain they are for prayers...and i tried. i dont know why losing you made me loose him... it makes sense...but maybe my real issue should be with humanity and not god...
anyway, i prayed that you are ok.
i hope you are.
please god i hope you are.
if you are not then i have no desire to ever come back.
you were one of the greatest examples of what a person should be i could ever give.
through all of this mess that i exist in today...when i am up alone dying inside at 5am... i know that you would be the one i called.
i know that you would be the one staying up all night telling me everything is going to be ok.
my boyfriend put in a cd i havent been able to listen to in awhile yesterday. it ripped my heart in half.
" I can't believe you didn't call
What made you want to end it all
Wasn't there something I should have tried
To help you see beyond the gray sky..."
i dont know if i can ever hear that without breaking down. i want you to know that youre in my heart. not just on your birthday, but everyday....you are in my heart and on my skin... i always walk with you at my heel....and i love you.
its almost four years. and i still cry for you.
today just sucks.
youre gone, and its fathers day.
fuck fathers day.
and here i am, pathetic, drinking alone and stealing weed from my boyfriend because i cant breathe. i cannot breathe anymore.
i almost passed out in the grocery store.
my eyes rolled back at the sight of the razors. big, gleaming, and double-edged. i fought so hard.
when can i stop fighting?
i bought a jesus candle.
you know, the ones in the spanish aisle?
im fairly certain they are for prayers...and i tried. i dont know why losing you made me loose him... it makes sense...but maybe my real issue should be with humanity and not god...
anyway, i prayed that you are ok.
i hope you are.
please god i hope you are.
if you are not then i have no desire to ever come back.
you were one of the greatest examples of what a person should be i could ever give.
through all of this mess that i exist in today...when i am up alone dying inside at 5am... i know that you would be the one i called.
i know that you would be the one staying up all night telling me everything is going to be ok.
my boyfriend put in a cd i havent been able to listen to in awhile yesterday. it ripped my heart in half.
" I can't believe you didn't call
What made you want to end it all
Wasn't there something I should have tried
To help you see beyond the gray sky..."
i dont know if i can ever hear that without breaking down. i want you to know that youre in my heart. not just on your birthday, but everyday....you are in my heart and on my skin... i always walk with you at my heel....and i love you.