(no subject)
i think i might be losing him.
i feel him look at me with disgust...i caught myself silently begging "please love me, i swear ill be good"
and i wanted to die.
My worst fear in life is coming true. I knew that the doctors' pride in me obtaining a normal relationship was too good to be true. I feel so fucking stupid. Of course i cant beat this. Im going to end up like my mother... with a hateful monster as a husband and i am going to kill myself.
i have the thought-not that it will happen soon-but much later in life...like id estimate 35...i just get a feeling of peace for some reason when this thought crosses my mind. I guess if my mind phrases it that way its like i still have control...i never have it.
stupid bitch.
cunt.
fat. slob.
awesome. wonder why i cant stop cutting myself. as if i needed someone other than myself to say these things to me.
i thought i left that voice 400miles away...apparently i just found a replacement. and i am so disgusted.
i feel him look at me with disgust...i caught myself silently begging "please love me, i swear ill be good"
and i wanted to die.
My worst fear in life is coming true. I knew that the doctors' pride in me obtaining a normal relationship was too good to be true. I feel so fucking stupid. Of course i cant beat this. Im going to end up like my mother... with a hateful monster as a husband and i am going to kill myself.
i have the thought-not that it will happen soon-but much later in life...like id estimate 35...i just get a feeling of peace for some reason when this thought crosses my mind. I guess if my mind phrases it that way its like i still have control...i never have it.
stupid bitch.
cunt.
fat. slob.
awesome. wonder why i cant stop cutting myself. as if i needed someone other than myself to say these things to me.
i thought i left that voice 400miles away...apparently i just found a replacement. and i am so disgusted.