been a while
Wow! It sure has been a long time since I posted anything here. How much has changed in my life?!
Well, I got married, moved to Canada, had a baby. I guess it doesn't sound so big when I say it like that! But really, things have been HUGE in the change department!
I am now wondering if I really knew what I was doing for the last 2 years! I mean, I married this guy that I hardly knew (I know him very well now) and things have been going downhill ever since! I do love him, but I could love anybody. I mean, that's just who I am! I really love people, and I fall in love with anyone who'll let me. I have realized how dangerous that is from this experience. (because, the past experiences with this were so much better?)
Anyway, my life has been one big pattern looping over and over for the last 10 years. Essentially, I have dated the same guy over and over again...I keep spitting out kids. I feel stuck in whatever my current situation happens to be.
And here I am seeing all of this unfold before me, and what am I going to do differently this time? Probably nothing. I mean, how do you break this kind of pattern? How am I supposed to free myself of this? I have no direction of my own, so I look to my children as motivation to keep going, and I go in whatever direction the wind blows (The wind being my man, I guess) which is really quite dangerous seeing as how this man who keeps appearing in my life in so many different forms is a control freak and an emotional cripple!
Anyway, I guess I will keep on truckin' as I always do, and I hope to make it out alive and with a little bit of sanity left, as if I had any to begin with! I guess this experience, as most, is an opportunity for me to grow and learn. But do I ever really learn from these things?
I'll post some pics of the baby soon.
Well, I got married, moved to Canada, had a baby. I guess it doesn't sound so big when I say it like that! But really, things have been HUGE in the change department!
I am now wondering if I really knew what I was doing for the last 2 years! I mean, I married this guy that I hardly knew (I know him very well now) and things have been going downhill ever since! I do love him, but I could love anybody. I mean, that's just who I am! I really love people, and I fall in love with anyone who'll let me. I have realized how dangerous that is from this experience. (because, the past experiences with this were so much better?)
Anyway, my life has been one big pattern looping over and over for the last 10 years. Essentially, I have dated the same guy over and over again...I keep spitting out kids. I feel stuck in whatever my current situation happens to be.
And here I am seeing all of this unfold before me, and what am I going to do differently this time? Probably nothing. I mean, how do you break this kind of pattern? How am I supposed to free myself of this? I have no direction of my own, so I look to my children as motivation to keep going, and I go in whatever direction the wind blows (The wind being my man, I guess) which is really quite dangerous seeing as how this man who keeps appearing in my life in so many different forms is a control freak and an emotional cripple!
Anyway, I guess I will keep on truckin' as I always do, and I hope to make it out alive and with a little bit of sanity left, as if I had any to begin with! I guess this experience, as most, is an opportunity for me to grow and learn. But do I ever really learn from these things?
I'll post some pics of the baby soon.