what to believe...i just dont know anymore.
im sitting here at my [again] bofriends house, its midnight and ounce again im sitting here solo...im over this already and it has gain, just started...
well im guessing by now you have realized that i didnt do away with myself. i ended up laying there and thinking myself to sleep early that evening. which i though had a much happier ending then what i had in mind. up until i fell asleep...all i thought about was how much better i'd feel after i just got away and was able to flee to zacks...what a crock of bullshit.
ya know. i understand. i know that he is younger and has a LOT more eventful things goin on in his life then me. but i mean, c'mon. he knew how excited i was for this weekend and how much i anxiously waited for this friday to come around. he invites his new friend over and the majority of good quality time ive spent with him thus far, this weekend, has been IN BED! what a fucking surprise...the exact same reason why i broke up with him last weekend. why am i putting myself through this yet once again?!??
i dont think im selfish or too needy. im his god damn girlfriend!! i never get to see him, i think that i at least deserve a bit of his attention the time i do get to see him...please dont get me wrong. his new bestfriend, dale, is an extremely chill guy and i think hes a wonderful influence on zack but its like, c'mon. i think i am just comming to terms to whare zack's priorities lie. i already knew that i was behind his music but now im thinking im one of the last on his list of priorities.
i walked over to him today when we were at his buddies house, and i rested my head on his shoulder. without aknoledgement of my presence, zack continued talking and then proceeded to walk to the otherside of the kitchen to stand for another 10min. i mean WTF is that?
im begining to understand why all my family dislikes me being with zack. he has yet to prove to me that he does feel strongly for me except for when he throws "i love you" in there every once in a while when we are in bed. am i setteling like they all say? am i happy? i dunno...and im sure that i will sit here and go along with this whole thing unhappy and quite depressed until he eventually cheats on me. sounds pretty sad i know, but what else am i going to do??
well, im gonna leave it at that for now. im gonna go watch chuck and larry with his brother...i have no idea even whare he is. FUCK THIS! im not to suppose to have a boyfriend and feel this miserable. but what the fuck am i suppose to do...throw a bitch fit?! thats not gonna solve anything.
ughhh. I GIVE UP. fuck it.
peace & love.
<3