жизнь
Tuesday is dull.
My TV has a wake-up function, which I knew how to turn on only and set time, but didn't figure out how to make this thing to turn on the music channel... My morning alarm is bright, no sound, no movements, nothing, just bright blue light.
This morning I woke up, still dreaming about emerald and aqua-blue ocean, warm breath and flour-soft sand beaches, i was covered in warm dust of white sand, there was nobody, just sea gals, me and ocean, I was laying with my eyes closed, blue light was breaking through my eyelids, asking me up.. a light from tv, my bright alarm.. I completely forgot about cell alarm and didn't hear the sound of it.. Monday welcomed me with the rain, dusky morning, funny song on MTV She's a rainbow, rolling stones, me happy dancing while making coffee. I got up at 6, full of positive energy, this new vibe in me.. Outside it smells like spring. Spring wants to break through gloomy skies and bring color everywhere...
On my way to office, on a train I though how important to call things their names, you know what I'm saying? Not playing with words, not mixing reality with imagination, by this means making a shield, protect from real life, there's nothing out there to be afraid of, life, life wholly depends on you, not namely, on me, on whatever individual, life is subordinated to you. You can look at it from a very close distance, you can watch it from a far, you can speed it up or stop its movement. Everything in life depends on you until you do not depend on anything, but need to have positive clear thinking and good emotions, state of mind and soul. However, any attempt to build some protective walls around you, trying to dig in, secure your living, existence and stability usually leads to loosing control of the situation, life slips from your hands like a kite, see, and you're left alone with your fears and uncertainty.
There are projects in life that require team work, because doing it by yourself - impossible, undoable, its a failure priory, like just by yourself you can't survive in mountains - you need a partner, or make love also a very good examlpe, shallow, but still, ok let's say having a baby, right? some things require two.. because if trying to do it alone, just by yourself, its like building something in the middle of the rapid river - the water will drift away your construction materials, washing you coldly and careless, indifferently. You always have options - either catching accidental lonesome twigs, that are floating by, and you're trying to hold them together to keep the float, or surrender to the waters and let it carry you together with the all water of the world for another couple of meters.. Because only that will survive till the very end, who wasn't afraid to drown at the very beginning, who found real love, felt sweet happiness, who experienced despair, that will get through the end. well, of course if ne oblamatsa :)
This is kind of thoughts one night of insomnia can lead to...
I'm taking sleeping pills this night.
Though I declare the official beginning of spring. so called count-down :) Spring mood - on, winter hibernation - off!