new found love
www.alexgrey.com go there...it is the most fantastic thing i've ever seen. his art so inspiring, so beautiful, his writing so true and wonderful. and it all started out with a tattoo. im going to be getting one...i wanted sacred geometry involved and in my search for what would fit me best i found alex grey...thanks to Tool. Never in my life have i been so impressed with something. it was shocking...not only could he create vibrant art but he could write. it came from deep within him too. you can tell with certain things. I'm amazed, mystified and terribly excited about this discovery. check it out. its great.
As for everything else...its going quite well. My life is on a good path. I'm happy, excited and dealing. All the changes so quickly, all my life i've been waiting for this. for my independance. in april, i'll be moving into my new apartment. I'll have my own place, no roomates, no one to mess up my space. it'll be my space. my own private sanctuary where i can relax and do the things i love most. read, write, ponder the world around me. Maybe i can figure out what i want to be. I dont think its a teacher anymore...i'm thinking about culinary arts. and i had a fight with my step dad and he said i should go with my natural talents and do something with sociology or psychology. I dont want to because he told me too and he thinks everything he says is gold but at the same time if i'm interested it i shouldnt' be childish and not do it because of him. its hard because its a matter of pride and dignity. he thinks he controls everything and he doesn't and i want to show him that. i dont know. i'll may have to deal with his i told you so's and all that bullshit. ohwell...its an on going struggle with him and his ego.
other men in my life...matthew. forever a rock in my life. a constant, an underlying force to all my perserverance. sure we have our issues. but he's there, everytime. being able to depend on someone like that is amazing. sure i could live without him. but i'm so much happier with him by my side. he makes me smile, laugh, provides such exquisite pleasure like i never thought i'd feel. but i do. how is it after a year and eight months i can still be so in love with him, more than when i first fell. this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with and it becomes more and more clear everyday. Its overwhelming and its hard. its forever a work in progress. people say you're too young to know what love is...its not true. love is beautiful, a loving relationship is work. I know and i'm doing it and loving it so much. Thank the starts for this wonderful chance. and if it doesn't end up working out, i wouldn't trade this experience or these feelings for anything. Matt no matter where we are will stay in my heart, a very special place. since my grandfather's death matt has been the only other man i've been able to trust. Grandpa and matt. I'll love him forever for allowing me to learn to trust a man and to rid my fear of that trust.
speaking of grandpa, origami, the brain injury institute he was in...they have dedicated an award to my grandfather. each year one of the people that work or stay there will win a prize for trying the hardest and improving the most. its now the Charles Linck memorial award. I cried when i found out that they wanted to do that, just as it brings tears to me now. My grandfather was a truly amazing force in my life as well as others. my tattoo comes from the ashes of mourning my loss of him. His name will be on it. i'll love him forever.
As for everything else...its going quite well. My life is on a good path. I'm happy, excited and dealing. All the changes so quickly, all my life i've been waiting for this. for my independance. in april, i'll be moving into my new apartment. I'll have my own place, no roomates, no one to mess up my space. it'll be my space. my own private sanctuary where i can relax and do the things i love most. read, write, ponder the world around me. Maybe i can figure out what i want to be. I dont think its a teacher anymore...i'm thinking about culinary arts. and i had a fight with my step dad and he said i should go with my natural talents and do something with sociology or psychology. I dont want to because he told me too and he thinks everything he says is gold but at the same time if i'm interested it i shouldnt' be childish and not do it because of him. its hard because its a matter of pride and dignity. he thinks he controls everything and he doesn't and i want to show him that. i dont know. i'll may have to deal with his i told you so's and all that bullshit. ohwell...its an on going struggle with him and his ego.
other men in my life...matthew. forever a rock in my life. a constant, an underlying force to all my perserverance. sure we have our issues. but he's there, everytime. being able to depend on someone like that is amazing. sure i could live without him. but i'm so much happier with him by my side. he makes me smile, laugh, provides such exquisite pleasure like i never thought i'd feel. but i do. how is it after a year and eight months i can still be so in love with him, more than when i first fell. this is the man i want to spend the rest of my life with and it becomes more and more clear everyday. Its overwhelming and its hard. its forever a work in progress. people say you're too young to know what love is...its not true. love is beautiful, a loving relationship is work. I know and i'm doing it and loving it so much. Thank the starts for this wonderful chance. and if it doesn't end up working out, i wouldn't trade this experience or these feelings for anything. Matt no matter where we are will stay in my heart, a very special place. since my grandfather's death matt has been the only other man i've been able to trust. Grandpa and matt. I'll love him forever for allowing me to learn to trust a man and to rid my fear of that trust.
speaking of grandpa, origami, the brain injury institute he was in...they have dedicated an award to my grandfather. each year one of the people that work or stay there will win a prize for trying the hardest and improving the most. its now the Charles Linck memorial award. I cried when i found out that they wanted to do that, just as it brings tears to me now. My grandfather was a truly amazing force in my life as well as others. my tattoo comes from the ashes of mourning my loss of him. His name will be on it. i'll love him forever.