How to replace the irreplaceable

[ms_jinxme]

My absence has been a lengthy one this time - it’s been a strange phase since coming back from my trip, with a lot of deep thoughts not yet ready to be put into words. Whilst trying to settle these new directions forming in me, December was also pretty much overwhelming me with a lot of unexpected, warm invites! All cherished & impossible to say

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[ms_jinxme]

I do have a cat flap - but it's broken, so I will have to order a new one. Mr Drippy found a home very quickly, so he's definitely out of my reach now! But I've been viewing some cats since & will give update soon. :-)

You know, the hardest thing for me has has not been in choosing life but choosing people. And I think what I've mainly realised past month (a little bit late in life, duh) is that I need to cease being so easygoing, but more discriminating when relating to people. I have had a sort of optimism that people can improve, & issued a happy goodwill only to get bitten really badly when the relation has gone wrong & I've tried to step out (people rarely seem to do 'civil' partings anymore...) And also: not be swayed by what other people think. I don't want to feel this drained anymore from other people sucking me up into their lives ~ I want my own space, my own time and - more than anything - be bloody respected for the decisions I make. I'm really tired of people, who only have a portion of the facts, taking stances on what I should do/have done. Want a big clear out!

Btw, if you ever come down to London, let me know if you'd fancy meeting up for coffee ~ would love to get to know you better in person. :-D

[sushiho]

I think there's a place for being easygoing with your associations with people, in that there's no harm being friendly/conversational when out and about socialising - certainly 'getting along' unless you have MAJOR reason to have beef with people, is much more preferable than worrying and being anxious or confrontational, when at the end of the day it often really doesn't matter as long as you don't let it - you know, I'm happy to be neutral and non-confrontational to people I don't like, but deep down I know I don't have to give them another minute's thought or let them have any consequence on my night or how I feel, as long as I *choose* not to let it bother me.

But at the same time, that's the point isn't it - choosing whether you're going to hold people in any consequence or not. You don't have to completely (and obviously) cut them out of your life in any way that will make social interaction awkward - you can just *choose* to let their opinions & actions not hold any weight in your own life or influence how you are thinking or feeling, or what you do with your time.

Selfish as it may sound, I always try to remember that what anyone else thinks or has gripes about, is (or should be) less important to me, than my own opinion or feelings. People come and go, but I should allow myself to put my feelings and opinions first, as I'm the only one has to live with me for the rest of my days, so my opinions matter most!

And people who are true friends, are the kinds of people whose only wish for you is that you are happy and fulfilled. If they wish anything else, ie that you do exactly what *they* think is right, or that suits them, or that falls in with their line of thinking, rather than what's right for you - well, they're not a friend in my definition of the word!

Sorry, an attack of Friday night verbosity there, don't know what came over me! I can assure you that if we did get the chance to meet for coffee sometime, I am much less verbose in real life, and am socially quite shy ;-)

[ms_jinxme]

Haha, to put that in writing probably sounded a bit hardline. The above only related to a couple of people (+ one mentally ill person in a more distant past); all of which persons that I’ve either a/ felt sorry for & therefore let in or b/ just simply allowed closer to me than I should have. They’ve all, once gaining access, acted in ways in my life that has harmed my life. People who I don’t like I simply ‘walk’ around in the scene, but generally they are very few as I get along with the majority. The few I don’t there seems to be a mutual non-chemistry so we simply steer clear of one another.

It is true though for me that I find it very hard to interact with people once I’ve found out they’ve slagged me off to others or in any way made up lies about me. I suspect most other people simply ‘forget’ as a way of moving on, whereas I unfortunately have a very good memory so I don’t find it quite as easy. What I think often also shows in my face either I plan it to or not!

As for other peoples’ opinions, this I recognise is something within me. A lot of people will always issue verdicts & I need to find a way to not let it get to me (especially when they haven’t bothered asking the background). Still annoys the hell out of me though when people tell me, "ah you shouldn’t have done that!", but providing absolutely no alternative. I’ve made it a habit now to counter-ask "so, what do you think I should have done instead then?". At which point it’s become apparent the majority actually has no clue (& shut up thereafter; bless their poor-advising cotton socks!) ;-)