(no subject)
You know sometimes it gets to the point where you know something is bad for you. And I have known for so long now that you are bad for me.
And I'm constantly hurting, and you're not listening. And whenever I'm with you its all okay, that pain you bring so constantly can only be numbed and healed by your presence.
But part of me wonders if you werent around to cause it all... after a while would I be better off?
Could I be better off without the hugs... and the talking and the openess and the care that you show me? Because dont think for a moment I dont notice when you show me you care... because those are the moments that I hold onto. They help me to hold on to you.
But sometimes the stupidest things crush me... and I know they shouldnt and I know thats not what you mean to do and they are just simple things... but always things that feed off my insecurity.
And I KNOW I shouldnt have you and I KNOW that people like you dont waste your time with people like me. But I dont care.
Maybe for once I would like to feel like you are lucky to be around ME.
Because I cant go around everyday being angry and scared that I am going to lose you.
I already have.
So do I go on being hurt and upset but having that one moment of comfort having my best friend around?
Or do I just give up and let this monster have me?
Something tells me if I walked away now... this time you wouldnt stop me.
x
And I'm constantly hurting, and you're not listening. And whenever I'm with you its all okay, that pain you bring so constantly can only be numbed and healed by your presence.
But part of me wonders if you werent around to cause it all... after a while would I be better off?
Could I be better off without the hugs... and the talking and the openess and the care that you show me? Because dont think for a moment I dont notice when you show me you care... because those are the moments that I hold onto. They help me to hold on to you.
But sometimes the stupidest things crush me... and I know they shouldnt and I know thats not what you mean to do and they are just simple things... but always things that feed off my insecurity.
And I KNOW I shouldnt have you and I KNOW that people like you dont waste your time with people like me. But I dont care.
Maybe for once I would like to feel like you are lucky to be around ME.
Because I cant go around everyday being angry and scared that I am going to lose you.
I already have.
So do I go on being hurt and upset but having that one moment of comfort having my best friend around?
Or do I just give up and let this monster have me?
Something tells me if I walked away now... this time you wouldnt stop me.
x