Save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless.
Okay so you know... I got that feeling now.
That one where its like the sun is starting to set... but its not blissfully beautiful and like I'm looking forward to sleep. Its like that feeling where you dont want the sun to go down because it leaves the monsters free to get out and roam around and taunt you.
I have no interest in anything at the moment. It's stupid. Because I usually have something that fills my mind constantly that I love to think about and cant help but want to waste my time on. And now its like everything is empty. And I can no longer see any reason to carry on when all I do is hurt all the time.
There is no pleasure in my life. Its like a job that is 24/7 that I cant get out of. There is no resignation and there is no pretty shiny new job.
There is just lonliness and boredom and frustration and more and more lonliness.
And the pain... the absolute blindingly excruciating pain I feel when everyone around me is happy. Like God is rubbing it in my face that I never have been and never will be good enough. What did I ever do to God? What made me so undeserving and so unsatisfied?
And why does he give the good stuff to the bad people, the ones that hurt and abuse and hate. Is it just because they are pretty and I am not?
Like, seriously GOD, if all those christian folks or whatever BELEIVE you are good, then WHY are you good to everyone but me?
What a joke.
And if you are my maker I doubt you will get to meet me. I have never been important enough before, why would you take the time to meet me anyway? Just bypass the judgement and send me straight to hell.
Save me the lecture. Cos I dont care anymore.
x
That one where its like the sun is starting to set... but its not blissfully beautiful and like I'm looking forward to sleep. Its like that feeling where you dont want the sun to go down because it leaves the monsters free to get out and roam around and taunt you.
I have no interest in anything at the moment. It's stupid. Because I usually have something that fills my mind constantly that I love to think about and cant help but want to waste my time on. And now its like everything is empty. And I can no longer see any reason to carry on when all I do is hurt all the time.
There is no pleasure in my life. Its like a job that is 24/7 that I cant get out of. There is no resignation and there is no pretty shiny new job.
There is just lonliness and boredom and frustration and more and more lonliness.
And the pain... the absolute blindingly excruciating pain I feel when everyone around me is happy. Like God is rubbing it in my face that I never have been and never will be good enough. What did I ever do to God? What made me so undeserving and so unsatisfied?
And why does he give the good stuff to the bad people, the ones that hurt and abuse and hate. Is it just because they are pretty and I am not?
Like, seriously GOD, if all those christian folks or whatever BELEIVE you are good, then WHY are you good to everyone but me?
What a joke.
And if you are my maker I doubt you will get to meet me. I have never been important enough before, why would you take the time to meet me anyway? Just bypass the judgement and send me straight to hell.
Save me the lecture. Cos I dont care anymore.
x