missing mama diamond: phase one of one million.
whoaaaa
the last couple weeks have been the craziest most surreal time of my entire life. not to sound dramatic or anything but seriously. holy shit.
I think Im still in shock.
It feels weird to even write it down and look at it : my mom died. my mom is dead. I will never see my mom again ever in my life. that looks weird. I keep being like its not true this is so fucked there's no way this is happening. but its totally true. and its totally fucking hella scary..it fucks with my head how I feel like everything is fine and I feel normal and then I remember but its like I have to convince myself or something. I mostly get really sad at night time..but in the day its like Im switched to must deal with life mode.
the viewing was weird. Ive never seen a dead body before that.
the funeral was weird too..formal and surreal and people there who I haven't seen since I was a little kid. like my gr.6 teacher or my old babysitter.
I am anxious to process all this..I want to fast forward 5 years from now so I will feel less fucked up. It makes me wonder how Im gonna change cause of it, and how my relationships to people/my sisters/dad will change. and already its making me think different about life/death/time.
I will write more soon. Im gonna go to a hip hop show for some dance therapy with shosho. write more soon. thanks to all the kids for yer help, support, space,food, hugs, etc.
xo
jd
the last couple weeks have been the craziest most surreal time of my entire life. not to sound dramatic or anything but seriously. holy shit.
I think Im still in shock.
It feels weird to even write it down and look at it : my mom died. my mom is dead. I will never see my mom again ever in my life. that looks weird. I keep being like its not true this is so fucked there's no way this is happening. but its totally true. and its totally fucking hella scary..it fucks with my head how I feel like everything is fine and I feel normal and then I remember but its like I have to convince myself or something. I mostly get really sad at night time..but in the day its like Im switched to must deal with life mode.
the viewing was weird. Ive never seen a dead body before that.
the funeral was weird too..formal and surreal and people there who I haven't seen since I was a little kid. like my gr.6 teacher or my old babysitter.
I am anxious to process all this..I want to fast forward 5 years from now so I will feel less fucked up. It makes me wonder how Im gonna change cause of it, and how my relationships to people/my sisters/dad will change. and already its making me think different about life/death/time.
I will write more soon. Im gonna go to a hip hop show for some dance therapy with shosho. write more soon. thanks to all the kids for yer help, support, space,food, hugs, etc.
xo
jd