First, We take Manhatten, Then We Take Berlin
This is what I know:
It's a cold night in March, and I've been sentenced to a week of freedom, as my parents have ditched me for Seatle.
I could dwell on the drama, John's betrayel, Carol's prejudgement, Henry's wrath - But this, would be surrendering to everything I want nothing to do with.
I'm responsible, for once, for always, as I'm spending the night in, completing laundry, cleaning my room, glancing at Trig. (though without a troublesome feeling)
This is where I am, Bunny and I were dancing, we had dinner and watched a movie, we lit candles and experienced Gauloise, we were Bunny and Kitty, our holiday golightly, we danced to:
Tom Waits - The Heart of Saturday Night
The Kinks - Lola
Echo and the Bunnymen - Lips like Sugar
..When everything is going right, it's hard to face everything wrong.
Except there is nothing right, nor wrong, when nothing really matters. I used to feel like I'd rather feel something rather than nothing. Whereas now, this night, of this day, of this month, of this winter, it's a struggle to homeland passivity, indifference, the lustrate, the Zen, the answer. Between.
I'm not going to tell you what's wrong with you.
I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
I dated the wrong guy, at the wrong time, I confess. I have carried a social scarlet S for SLUT. Though, I could blame this on a lot of people. I feel like it's Bruce's fault, partially, as he never corrected his misinformation with his friends. I could blame this on Henry, as he was chickenshit. My lips never came near his wingnut dick. They didn't brush over it, I never gave him, blatantly, head. I gave him a lot of mind. I could blame this on his 7th grade friends. I could blame it on his parents, their parents, and so on.
I could blame this on Lisa, who claims I fucked Tyler.
But these people were in my life, and now they're out. Like a bad smell in a room, (a very horrible smell be Henry..) I didn't want some of them to leave when they did, and I didn't know things would come this way, when I walked through the snow with him. I just thought it was great to be clever, and happy, in the winter.
And now, as I sit here and think about everything, I can't but be absolutely assured, in someway, I am setting myself up again. But if everything evens out the way it has, tonight, and the other night with Brian, than I will be okay.
I'm not trying to inforce some religious faith in you. Buddhist truth numero uno: There is suffering.
And then there is being funny, and clever, and enjoying the right company, in the middle of March.
There are friends to dance with, cigarettes to smoke, and music which is a better experience, and infinite, then anything I've ever experienced, socially, academically, this is religious.
I'm just so happy that I have friends like Tina, Brian, Jaime, Jen (etc), .And Rich. to experience this with.
There are nights when everything is Crystal Clear, and though, there aren't any obvious short term answers, there's a confidence restored, that confidence will be tested.
It's a cold night in March, and I've been sentenced to a week of freedom, as my parents have ditched me for Seatle.
I could dwell on the drama, John's betrayel, Carol's prejudgement, Henry's wrath - But this, would be surrendering to everything I want nothing to do with.
I'm responsible, for once, for always, as I'm spending the night in, completing laundry, cleaning my room, glancing at Trig. (though without a troublesome feeling)
This is where I am, Bunny and I were dancing, we had dinner and watched a movie, we lit candles and experienced Gauloise, we were Bunny and Kitty, our holiday golightly, we danced to:
Tom Waits - The Heart of Saturday Night
The Kinks - Lola
Echo and the Bunnymen - Lips like Sugar
..When everything is going right, it's hard to face everything wrong.
Except there is nothing right, nor wrong, when nothing really matters. I used to feel like I'd rather feel something rather than nothing. Whereas now, this night, of this day, of this month, of this winter, it's a struggle to homeland passivity, indifference, the lustrate, the Zen, the answer. Between.
I'm not going to tell you what's wrong with you.
I'll tell you what's wrong with me.
I dated the wrong guy, at the wrong time, I confess. I have carried a social scarlet S for SLUT. Though, I could blame this on a lot of people. I feel like it's Bruce's fault, partially, as he never corrected his misinformation with his friends. I could blame this on Henry, as he was chickenshit. My lips never came near his wingnut dick. They didn't brush over it, I never gave him, blatantly, head. I gave him a lot of mind. I could blame this on his 7th grade friends. I could blame it on his parents, their parents, and so on.
I could blame this on Lisa, who claims I fucked Tyler.
But these people were in my life, and now they're out. Like a bad smell in a room, (a very horrible smell be Henry..) I didn't want some of them to leave when they did, and I didn't know things would come this way, when I walked through the snow with him. I just thought it was great to be clever, and happy, in the winter.
And now, as I sit here and think about everything, I can't but be absolutely assured, in someway, I am setting myself up again. But if everything evens out the way it has, tonight, and the other night with Brian, than I will be okay.
I'm not trying to inforce some religious faith in you. Buddhist truth numero uno: There is suffering.
And then there is being funny, and clever, and enjoying the right company, in the middle of March.
There are friends to dance with, cigarettes to smoke, and music which is a better experience, and infinite, then anything I've ever experienced, socially, academically, this is religious.
I'm just so happy that I have friends like Tina, Brian, Jaime, Jen (etc), .And Rich. to experience this with.
There are nights when everything is Crystal Clear, and though, there aren't any obvious short term answers, there's a confidence restored, that confidence will be tested.