The further adventures of Bridget
by Catherine Cooked Up
It's a long time since we had a Catherine Cooked Up adventure and I'm feeling a bit stressed so here goes.
In book the first, our trusty heroine strived to fit in at Hardcastle High and defeated Aardvark, the evil MCP robot from the future.
In book the second, she discovered that all was not what it seemed in the cosy village of Hardcastle , when she discovered that her Auntie Cataclysm and that nice Mrs Sofa were really British secret agents .
It was 4 am and Bridget couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, Dr Sneerpout would tell them who had won the coveted Hardcastle High Science Trophy and Bridget wanted so much to be the winner. But how could her pathetic little robot compete with the Alex H's natural gas powered car or Alex M's enormous telescope? She'd even heard a rumour that her robot had claimed that Bridget was his science project...
Perhaps a little trip to the kitchen might help ? Auntie Cataclysm had been baking all week for the PTA Summer Barbecue and Sabbat . Surely she wouldn't miss a teensy weensy double chocolate muffin or ten ? Auntie had booby-trapped the kitchen door with semtex but silly old Auntie had forgotten all about the window . In just a few minutes, Bridget had improvised a pulley and harness from some ropes and chains that Cousin Hazard had left in her sock drawer and abseiled out of her bedroom window and was climbing in through the kitchen window.
She was just trying to make up her mind between the hazelnut and dark chocolate brownies and the muffins when she heard voices.
"Does Bridget suspect anything ?" The voice was female and seemed strangely familiar.
"i hope not" answered her Aunt. "She must never know the truth. "
"Surely she must suspect something? "
"Teenagers are very self absorbed. I don't think she's ever noticed how many twins there are in the village or wondered what happened to Uncle Cataclysm or Dr Sofa . Why should she think that we have anything to hide? "
The other woman started to laugh but was hushed by Aunt Cataclysm. The two conspirators talked on in whispers but Bridget could only make out a word here and there. If only she'd thought to bug the cottage with her Blue Peter Al Qaeda detection kit ! What an opportunity she'd lost . Absentmindedly, she nibbled at a chocolate brownie. It was darkly delicious and had an unfamiliar spicy tang . She reached for another and a strange hand caught her wrist !
"Mine ! " hissed Pandora .
"Shhh !" Bridget hissed back . " Auntie will hear you!"
"Not a chance! " said Pandora coolly ,although she did lower her voice to a whisper. "Once Mum and Mrs Sofa get going about their glory days , they wouldn't notice if we danced naked on the dining room table. Anyway, if they do hear us, I'll burst into tears and say you made me do it. " She selected the largest hazelnut brownie and nibbled it.
Bridget felt a familiar prickle of irritation. Her pesky cousin was so overdue for a slapping that her palms itched with the effort of holding back.
"What glory days ?" she demanded . She didn't really care but she had to distract herself somehow.
But Pandora merely arched one eyebrow and slipped out through the kitchen window leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind her. "Don't forget to clear up the evidence , Bridgie " she called.
"Poot" said Bridget . She knew that swearing was wrong but she had to relieve her feelings somehow until she had a few leisure moments to play Al Quaida and CIA again with the twins. She silently thanked Cousin Hazard; all those ropes and chains were jolly useful when a girl needed to make her own entertainment. Absentmindedly, she took another brownie -what was that strange spicy taste ? Maybe if she had another piece, she could work out what it was? She drifted gently into a chocolate flavoured haze and it was only after some minutes that she realised that the voices from the sitting room were getting louder. It sounded as if Auntie and Mrs Sofa had been at the cooking armagnac again .
"Sophie, I really can't stand it any longer. We were only supposed to be undercover for six months and we've been buried alive in this godawful hole for sixteen years. "
"Hah ! " said Mrs Sofa. "They wouldn't do this if we were men. Catch 007 or 008 doing bake sales for the PTA and baby sitting for sixteen bloody years "
"Don't talk to me about 007 , Soph. Sid I ever tell you how that nasty little pipsqueak tried to corner me in the filing cabinet at the Christmas party ?""
"Frequently, darling. Frequently" drawled Mrs Sofa.
"I swear, it it wasn't for the index linked pension, I'd be out of here tomorrow. Even Northern Ireland was better than the twins! One day I swear I'll swing for that Pandora ."
Bridget hardly knew how to contain her astonishment ! Could it really be that she actually agreed on something with Auntie ? She reached for a muffin .
"We used to be crack agents, Soph. " continued Auntie ." Remember the Cuba mission? Now the highlight of my week is spiking the PTA dinner dance punch with LSD . "
"Hey, that was good stuff! " Auntie Sofa drawled. "Little Alex synthesised it for me at home with his birthday chemistry set. "
"And that's another thing", moaned Auntie . "You get the genius scientist clones and I get the jailbait Mata Haris and that overgrown Minnie the Minx."
"You don't seem to be that badly off " Mrs Sofa said tartly . "That field controller of yours must be clocking up the overtime. "
" I can't help it if Roger has a little crush on me " simpered Auntie . "Anyway, our romance is part of his cover."
"Oh don't make me sick!" spat Mrs Sofa ."You've been after him since he moved in. You hussy, you! "
And the two women giggled together.
Bridget's head was spinning . She felt as if her head would explode if she heard any more. Was it all really true ? The twins clones ? Mrs Sofa a secret agent ! And that old bag Auntie having a sex life ! Ick! No! Auntie must be at least thirty !
Suddenly she felt a little sick and dizzy. Maybe she should retreat to bed with a few more brownies to keep up her strength? She reached for the plate but there were no brownies left .
"Poot" bridget said to herself. "Even Auntie's bound to notice. She let herself out of the window and crept back to her room.
Here's episode two :
Bridget felt strangely exhiliarated as she climbed back through her bedroom window. She loved adventure and Hardcastle High had seemed far too quiet after the excitement of Madame Lilian's Academy. She chewed thoughtfully on one end of her plait and brushed brownie crumbs off her favourite stripey jumper as she thought about what she had overheard.
Maybe if the twins were clones, they weren't her real cousins ? And who could Auntie Cataclysm have possibly been describing as an overgrown Minnie the Minx?
She bounced up and down on the bed . She was far too excited to sleep. Maybe the Alexes would be up ? She was sure they'd be pleased to see her -they were always inviting her round to play with their telescopes or look at Uranus and 4am wasn't really that late.
Soon Bridget was at Sofa Towers and climbing into the Alexes bedroom window . For some reason, her co-ordination wasn't as good as usual and she tripped over the sill and landed on something soft and warm. The something screamed.
"Oh hi, Alex" said Bridget breezily. "Were you asleep?"
"Bridget ? Am I dreaming ? Oh, Bridget, my sweet rubber clad ninja girl ! , how I've longed for this mo ....ow !.."
"I'm sorry," said Bridget in a sweet mendacious tone. "did my foot slip ? "
It's a long time since we had a Catherine Cooked Up adventure and I'm feeling a bit stressed so here goes.
In book the first, our trusty heroine strived to fit in at Hardcastle High and defeated Aardvark, the evil MCP robot from the future.
In book the second, she discovered that all was not what it seemed in the cosy village of Hardcastle , when she discovered that her Auntie Cataclysm and that nice Mrs Sofa were really British secret agents .
It was 4 am and Bridget couldn't sleep. Tomorrow, Dr Sneerpout would tell them who had won the coveted Hardcastle High Science Trophy and Bridget wanted so much to be the winner. But how could her pathetic little robot compete with the Alex H's natural gas powered car or Alex M's enormous telescope? She'd even heard a rumour that her robot had claimed that Bridget was his science project...
Perhaps a little trip to the kitchen might help ? Auntie Cataclysm had been baking all week for the PTA Summer Barbecue and Sabbat . Surely she wouldn't miss a teensy weensy double chocolate muffin or ten ? Auntie had booby-trapped the kitchen door with semtex but silly old Auntie had forgotten all about the window . In just a few minutes, Bridget had improvised a pulley and harness from some ropes and chains that Cousin Hazard had left in her sock drawer and abseiled out of her bedroom window and was climbing in through the kitchen window.
She was just trying to make up her mind between the hazelnut and dark chocolate brownies and the muffins when she heard voices.
"Does Bridget suspect anything ?" The voice was female and seemed strangely familiar.
"i hope not" answered her Aunt. "She must never know the truth. "
"Surely she must suspect something? "
"Teenagers are very self absorbed. I don't think she's ever noticed how many twins there are in the village or wondered what happened to Uncle Cataclysm or Dr Sofa . Why should she think that we have anything to hide? "
The other woman started to laugh but was hushed by Aunt Cataclysm. The two conspirators talked on in whispers but Bridget could only make out a word here and there. If only she'd thought to bug the cottage with her Blue Peter Al Qaeda detection kit ! What an opportunity she'd lost . Absentmindedly, she nibbled at a chocolate brownie. It was darkly delicious and had an unfamiliar spicy tang . She reached for another and a strange hand caught her wrist !
"Mine ! " hissed Pandora .
"Shhh !" Bridget hissed back . " Auntie will hear you!"
"Not a chance! " said Pandora coolly ,although she did lower her voice to a whisper. "Once Mum and Mrs Sofa get going about their glory days , they wouldn't notice if we danced naked on the dining room table. Anyway, if they do hear us, I'll burst into tears and say you made me do it. " She selected the largest hazelnut brownie and nibbled it.
Bridget felt a familiar prickle of irritation. Her pesky cousin was so overdue for a slapping that her palms itched with the effort of holding back.
"What glory days ?" she demanded . She didn't really care but she had to distract herself somehow.
But Pandora merely arched one eyebrow and slipped out through the kitchen window leaving a trail of brownie crumbs behind her. "Don't forget to clear up the evidence , Bridgie " she called.
"Poot" said Bridget . She knew that swearing was wrong but she had to relieve her feelings somehow until she had a few leisure moments to play Al Quaida and CIA again with the twins. She silently thanked Cousin Hazard; all those ropes and chains were jolly useful when a girl needed to make her own entertainment. Absentmindedly, she took another brownie -what was that strange spicy taste ? Maybe if she had another piece, she could work out what it was? She drifted gently into a chocolate flavoured haze and it was only after some minutes that she realised that the voices from the sitting room were getting louder. It sounded as if Auntie and Mrs Sofa had been at the cooking armagnac again .
"Sophie, I really can't stand it any longer. We were only supposed to be undercover for six months and we've been buried alive in this godawful hole for sixteen years. "
"Hah ! " said Mrs Sofa. "They wouldn't do this if we were men. Catch 007 or 008 doing bake sales for the PTA and baby sitting for sixteen bloody years "
"Don't talk to me about 007 , Soph. Sid I ever tell you how that nasty little pipsqueak tried to corner me in the filing cabinet at the Christmas party ?""
"Frequently, darling. Frequently" drawled Mrs Sofa.
"I swear, it it wasn't for the index linked pension, I'd be out of here tomorrow. Even Northern Ireland was better than the twins! One day I swear I'll swing for that Pandora ."
Bridget hardly knew how to contain her astonishment ! Could it really be that she actually agreed on something with Auntie ? She reached for a muffin .
"We used to be crack agents, Soph. " continued Auntie ." Remember the Cuba mission? Now the highlight of my week is spiking the PTA dinner dance punch with LSD . "
"Hey, that was good stuff! " Auntie Sofa drawled. "Little Alex synthesised it for me at home with his birthday chemistry set. "
"And that's another thing", moaned Auntie . "You get the genius scientist clones and I get the jailbait Mata Haris and that overgrown Minnie the Minx."
"You don't seem to be that badly off " Mrs Sofa said tartly . "That field controller of yours must be clocking up the overtime. "
" I can't help it if Roger has a little crush on me " simpered Auntie . "Anyway, our romance is part of his cover."
"Oh don't make me sick!" spat Mrs Sofa ."You've been after him since he moved in. You hussy, you! "
And the two women giggled together.
Bridget's head was spinning . She felt as if her head would explode if she heard any more. Was it all really true ? The twins clones ? Mrs Sofa a secret agent ! And that old bag Auntie having a sex life ! Ick! No! Auntie must be at least thirty !
Suddenly she felt a little sick and dizzy. Maybe she should retreat to bed with a few more brownies to keep up her strength? She reached for the plate but there were no brownies left .
"Poot" bridget said to herself. "Even Auntie's bound to notice. She let herself out of the window and crept back to her room.
Here's episode two :
Bridget felt strangely exhiliarated as she climbed back through her bedroom window. She loved adventure and Hardcastle High had seemed far too quiet after the excitement of Madame Lilian's Academy. She chewed thoughtfully on one end of her plait and brushed brownie crumbs off her favourite stripey jumper as she thought about what she had overheard.
Maybe if the twins were clones, they weren't her real cousins ? And who could Auntie Cataclysm have possibly been describing as an overgrown Minnie the Minx?
She bounced up and down on the bed . She was far too excited to sleep. Maybe the Alexes would be up ? She was sure they'd be pleased to see her -they were always inviting her round to play with their telescopes or look at Uranus and 4am wasn't really that late.
Soon Bridget was at Sofa Towers and climbing into the Alexes bedroom window . For some reason, her co-ordination wasn't as good as usual and she tripped over the sill and landed on something soft and warm. The something screamed.
"Oh hi, Alex" said Bridget breezily. "Were you asleep?"
"Bridget ? Am I dreaming ? Oh, Bridget, my sweet rubber clad ninja girl ! , how I've longed for this mo ....ow !.."
"I'm sorry," said Bridget in a sweet mendacious tone. "did my foot slip ? "