Again ...
So I had to work tonight in the nursery. Yuck! I'm feeling very ambivalent about my birthday celebratory. Ya know it's strange. You'd think I would be all excited but I just really don't care that much. Maybe it was the comment Dad made about going out to eat for my birthday. He said, 'Well we can skip the birthday presents and just go out to eat.' I mean that's kinda sucky thing to say. It's not like I asked to go to Nobu or something I just said I wanted steak to eat. It would be cool but he's pissed he just shelled out $353 a peice for 4 of us to go to San Diego and watch my baby bro gradiate from Marine Corps bootcamp. Um .. ok. I told him I would pay him back for the ticket if he wanted. But see he also bought Todd a ticket and I think Todd should have to pay him back. I mean that's a lot of money, regardless of the family friend thing. AND Dad's getting his hotel. Anyway ... um ... I really have to go to the dr. I have a lump and I need to get it checked out. Not gonna lie, it kinda freaks me out. Not sure what it is and I have to wait till I get new insurance stuff to sign up and it kicks in before I can go. So maybe that's what's really bugging me. Just the idea that it could be something bad and I'm only 23 yrs. old. I've had to go through a lot and I don't feel like I need another test to see how strong I am. Plus I'd be doing it alone. Well I mean I have friends and family but no boyfriend or anything. Not the extra kind of support I would like sometimes. Maybe that's it. I'm just feeling depressed because sometimes I'm so damn tired of being alone. Seriously I have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm cute. Smart. Funny. So I'm terminally chubby, there are bigger people than I with boyfriends. So how come the opposite sex seems to be repulsed by me. That is unless of course they're gay and then I have lots of guys around. I just don't fuckin' get it. It's whatever. I'm gonna go put my PJs on and go to bed. My throat is hurtin' me something fierce. And I'ma gonna put the sheets on my dad's bed since he hasn't really felt like it. Later.