A year later
So. It's been a year. Man I'm bad at this.
I'm now in Florida, working at EPCOT Center in Walt Disney World, in a game show sponsored by the Velcro Companies. It's called "The Slapstick Studios Presents: What's Your Problem?!?!" And it's very very silly. I've made some great friends here, one of whom is coming with me on my California visit, and I get to go into the disney parks whenever my little heart desires. So, that is very nice. It's also nice to know that I have my equity card in hand, and have been auditioning around Orlando holding it with a big geeky smile on my face. Also all kinds of fun, I'm rehearsing a production of Reefer Madness for the Orlando Fringe festival as Ana Gasteyer's part in the movie, as my brother gets ready to rehearse the very same show as the lead. Oh how the world works. So, things are good.
On the flip side, I feel more homesick than I think I ever have before. Interestingly, it's not about the home where I grew up, in Northern California, but about the home I made for myself in Southern California. And I'm not talking about any edifice or room-- there were far too many of those in such a short period of time for me to have connected with any of them-- but instead the people. I miss my friends and I think about them every day. I didn't know that I would feel such a strong sense of loneliness and self-questioning, but only that I loved my friends and would probably miss them a bit. I have been surprised to find that sometimes I feel so jarringly separated from everything that makes me feel comfortable that I have to write down everything that is good about where I am, in order to feel good about the decision. That's the thing-- on paper, everything is almost flawless. But I'm learning that a laundry list of good things doesn't not a content person make. Who knew I'd be less than thrilled with being in Disney World? Me? I thought this would be the greatest time of my life, and yet I find myself constantly thinking of when I can return to my friends and brother back in good old California. Outside of Disney World, Florida is not for me. And I miss Disneyland, which I can't help but still regard as the "real" Disney. The Magic Kingdom here is nothing in comparison. I have never had that sense of pride and defensiveness that comes with a sports team or a specific school-- until now. I'm wearing my Disneyland colors and I'm PROUD.
A lot has happened in the last year, and clearly things are generally going well. But internally there has been a lot going on as well-- much soul searching, tears, goofy late-night laughter, and also some random and spontaneous experiences I've had that I previously had not associated with being "like me." The kind of experiences that shake you up and make you realize how much there is to offer in the world. I'm learning what "like me" really means, and it is difficult to have that experience away from the comforts of best friends-- but perhaps I needed to be away from them in order to have the experience. Usually my entries are more funny than depressing. But, what is livejournal or facebook without a little angst, eh?
I'm coming to California in June. So I'd better see you.
~Jessica
I'm now in Florida, working at EPCOT Center in Walt Disney World, in a game show sponsored by the Velcro Companies. It's called "The Slapstick Studios Presents: What's Your Problem?!?!" And it's very very silly. I've made some great friends here, one of whom is coming with me on my California visit, and I get to go into the disney parks whenever my little heart desires. So, that is very nice. It's also nice to know that I have my equity card in hand, and have been auditioning around Orlando holding it with a big geeky smile on my face. Also all kinds of fun, I'm rehearsing a production of Reefer Madness for the Orlando Fringe festival as Ana Gasteyer's part in the movie, as my brother gets ready to rehearse the very same show as the lead. Oh how the world works. So, things are good.
On the flip side, I feel more homesick than I think I ever have before. Interestingly, it's not about the home where I grew up, in Northern California, but about the home I made for myself in Southern California. And I'm not talking about any edifice or room-- there were far too many of those in such a short period of time for me to have connected with any of them-- but instead the people. I miss my friends and I think about them every day. I didn't know that I would feel such a strong sense of loneliness and self-questioning, but only that I loved my friends and would probably miss them a bit. I have been surprised to find that sometimes I feel so jarringly separated from everything that makes me feel comfortable that I have to write down everything that is good about where I am, in order to feel good about the decision. That's the thing-- on paper, everything is almost flawless. But I'm learning that a laundry list of good things doesn't not a content person make. Who knew I'd be less than thrilled with being in Disney World? Me? I thought this would be the greatest time of my life, and yet I find myself constantly thinking of when I can return to my friends and brother back in good old California. Outside of Disney World, Florida is not for me. And I miss Disneyland, which I can't help but still regard as the "real" Disney. The Magic Kingdom here is nothing in comparison. I have never had that sense of pride and defensiveness that comes with a sports team or a specific school-- until now. I'm wearing my Disneyland colors and I'm PROUD.
A lot has happened in the last year, and clearly things are generally going well. But internally there has been a lot going on as well-- much soul searching, tears, goofy late-night laughter, and also some random and spontaneous experiences I've had that I previously had not associated with being "like me." The kind of experiences that shake you up and make you realize how much there is to offer in the world. I'm learning what "like me" really means, and it is difficult to have that experience away from the comforts of best friends-- but perhaps I needed to be away from them in order to have the experience. Usually my entries are more funny than depressing. But, what is livejournal or facebook without a little angst, eh?
I'm coming to California in June. So I'd better see you.
~Jessica